If you think your daughter is very bossybecause you have gone to the park and you have seen how he directs his little friends, or because some classmate has given him that label, or for whatever reason, before proposing any advice on the matter, we want to ask you a question: Is it a problem for your daughter? suffer for it?
Bossy or leaders?
The family mentor and writer of the book “Relax and educate: effective solutions for everyday conflicts”, Amaya de Miguel, affirms that this is a frequently encountered complaint in your consultations, especially (although not only) referring to the girls.
“If your daughter has no problems, she has friends, she is loved and she knows how to love, let her be who she is”
Mentor of families
Amaya de Miguel proposes us, therefore, “review our gender values & rdquor ;, and adds: “Did you know that girls are called bossy and boys are called leaders? Therefore, if your girl is bossy and happy, I suggest you start calling her a leader, and banish the word bossy from your vocabulary & rdquor ;.
That is why it is important that we focus on the question that we posed at the beginning of this article: does your daughter suffer from it? “If she doesn’t suffer, maybe it’s not the girl’s problem, but her behavior clashes with your expectations. If you expected to have a modest, calm and peaceful girl, and you find a energetic, assertive girl with very clear ideas… You will have to value everything that your daughter has that is good & rdquor ;, explains Amaya.
In addition, it also proposes that “if your daughter has no problems, has friends, is loved and knows how to love, let him be as he is”.
When being bossy is a problem
On the other hand, if these behaviors do pose a problem for our daughter, because she gets frustrated if they don’t obey her, “you’ll have to help her be a good leader, to negotiate and yield. Above all, she will have to understand that, even if her ideas are not accepted, she will not be rejected & rdquor ;, indicates Amaya.
And how do we get this? The family mentor advises us that, for don’t feel rejectedLet’s use phrases like:
- “Children do want to play with you, because they love you and they are your friends. They don’t feel like playing your game, but they enjoy being with you”.
- “You are not the game that you have invented. You are Maria, and they love you. Your game is catch, and right now your friends don’t feel like it & rdquor ;.
As Amaya points out, “these ideas must be repeated so that the girl ends up internalizing them. Do not expect her to change her perception of herself quickly, and do not stop teaching her that she is not her ideas & rdquor ;.
When the orders are given to us
But what happens when the girl is bossy with us, her parents? Amaya admits that this situation is quite common, “children who have the scepter of commandand they have it because we have given it to them without realizing it & rdquor ;.
If this happens, we must recover the position of adult in the family. “Changing from a model where the girl rules to a model in which the parents make the decisions is hard: at first the girl will put up a fight”, affirms Amaya de Miguel. However, she “lives the conflict with assertiveness and firmness (and without aggressiveness)with the conviction that you are giving your daughter what she needs & rdquor ;.