From this shoot I have…
“Enjoyed it! I really felt: I can be myself again and participate in normal life. Although I am still easily tired and overstimulated. Fortunately, I can rest easier than before, because I know how important that is. I now go on step by step and sometimes I get the lid on my nose again.”
What I thought was really cool…
“Was that nice hat. I’ve been walking around with hats a lot lately to cover my head and now it was just really for the sake of it.”
Fashion to me is…
“Especially experimenting with second-hand clothing. I don’t really like shopping, I prefer to do it in one go, then I can get rid of it for a while. I don’t throw clothes away so quickly either, I really wear clothes longer.”
What can never go away…
„My second-hand, oversized ‘men’ coats! Then I wear something feminine and over it such a spacious coat – I have a wardrobe full of that. Or those gigantic faux fur coats, it can’t be too crazy for me either.”
My style…
“Something has changed. I used to have long blond hair and now dark short hair and then things are very different. I wear a lot more pastel colors now.”
Heels…
“Still not my thing. Maybe once for the red carpet, but I just don’t understand why you would always want sore feet? So I’m really a sneaker girl…”
At this time…
“I am getting used to my new life. And processing things that I never got around to before. That’s the spiritual part and I still have a long way to go physically, because my condition is gone. Those are the side effects of all chemotherapy and radiation…”
The last year and a half…
“Have flown by. I compare it to a roller coaster in which you sit down, you fasten your seat belt and then you see. Sometimes I was in the hospital every day, that being sick is almost a full-time job. That’s how I look back on it.”
The hardest moment was…
“Right after I was diagnosed. That’s a bolt from the blue. You have cancer, a bizarre message. That uncertainty and the devastating effect of that one message… It used to be a really far-from-my-bed show for me.”
My partner…
“Never left my side and our relationship has only deepened after 15 years together. That you endure something like this together says something, he was my pillar of support.”
What I missed the most…
“The occasional moment of not being sick. Being sick 24/7 is debilitating on all fronts. Your body is no longer involved, but you also look very sick.”
I found it especially difficult to…
“Going to the supermarket with a bald head without eyelashes and eyebrows and a pale head. People are shocked by that and look at you just half a second longer. You feel that…”
I had a lot of support…
“The fact that I have told about my life. No more beautiful and no uglier than it was. Normally I make documentaries about others, but now I had to turn the camera to myself and it worked, people wanted to know everything about me and wondered how I was doing. Now I have stopped the vlogs, but I will continue to write, because there is a book on the way.”
My mission is…
“Sending a message to others. Check your body carefully! I never thought it would happen to me either. That is why I warn people via my platform: ring the bell in good time if you feel that something is not right. I would really like to see the taboo lifted a bit, I want to contribute to that.”
This piece is in the new VROUW Magazine (every Saturday at De Telegraaf). As a premium member you can also read it online (sometimes earlier).