“How can such a nice woman be single, are you so demanding?” † Inland

You can feel damn alone without being alone. And being alone without feeling alone. Yet most people prefer not to be alone. Afraid of boredom, of meeting yourself or of the judgment of another. Because only ordering a three-course menu in a restaurant is something most people find a bit strange.

Since my student days I regularly take myself out to dinner, and I also like to travel alone. I can assure you that is delicious. You determine your own pace and budget and do not have to take anyone else into account (which can really be a relief when traveling). In addition, you are never really alone. As a solo traveler you will encounter plenty of people with whom you can hang out, if you feel like it of course. I can recommend it to everyone, but doing things solo is not the norm and is often associated with lonely and pathetic.

Especially as a single woman you have something to explain. When I once told my colleague that I was going on a solo trip to Colombia, partly because my relationship was over, he asked: ‘Alone? How can such a nice woman be single, are you so demanding?’ Yes, the prejudices are persistent. Especially if you don’t have children, there must be something seriously wrong with you.

While men still get away with the image of the adventurous freebooter who won’t be tamed, women are soon seen as difficult (she probably won’t be able to find a man who wants to stay with her) or pathetic (oh dear, she’ll be late soon! ). If the house-tree-beast ideal has not been ‘successful’, then the irrevocable question arises: why not? Also, people are often inclined to solve this ‘problem’ – no doubt meant to be sweet – by unexpected pairing attempts. And sometimes the proposals automatically fall on your digital doormat. Just last week I received a leftover Farmer seeks wife-candidate a DM asking why I like him, wink-wink, am still single. Oh well, Boer is looking further. Don’t blame him.

I am honestly very happy to be single and enjoy doing things solo. A relationship is welcome when it feels right, not because it has to be. I’m not anxiously looking for love because I’m afraid to be alone. And so next week I’ll be boarding the plane alone – sorry, Rob – to take myself out for a few days in the heart of London. Just me, myself and the rest of London† If I get there at all, of course, because for the time being the problems at Schiphol are far from being solved and I’m probably standing in line with thousands of fellow travelers. You see, you are never alone.