Defective Relationships – Do Elective Affinities Really Exist?

I’m one of those people the rest of the world calls smart and brilliant, at 31 I was already a manager. So brilliant that a few months ago I received a demansionanento at work in disguise, for the arrival of a young and rampant manager. I feel alienated, it seems to me that I have become incapable, of not knowing how to do anything anymore. I find myself staring out the window for half an hour, trying to figure out how to get out of frustration like this. But even finding a job you will understand that it is not that simple.
I have a longtime wedding that everyone calls perfect, but that has gone flat. We share some hobbies, travels, but otherwise everything seems to me to be dull. Can I say that I don’t love him anymore? Maybe not, he completes me and makes me feel safe, we balance, but vivacity, that’s another thing.
And then my extramarital affair: a colleague with whom I have really shared a lot in the last 5 years, work or otherwise, one of those elective affinities that you do not explain, until a message arrives with which you download: I met another, bye.
It had to happen sooner or later: he single and I don’t take a step from where I am, though, for God’s sake, right now ?!
Esther, do you think I have hit rock bottom or should I expect something else? But above all, where do I start again? Because there is nothing standing here and I don’t know what I want for lunch, let alone from life.
I embrace you, with FFP2 mask.
B.

Ester Viola’s answer

Ester Viola

B. I hug you too.

I do not know anything. Indeed almost nothing, one thing yes – this learned by slapping (metaphorical).

When they say there is supreme love, they make it up.

A tormented one, that’s what it takes. The difficult one, the one that ruins your life is indispensable to be happy. It is needed urgently at twenty. Because there are two stages, of happiness. One would be peace – and you already have it. You had it. Except that peace is stone, not spring. It is a firm, immobile thing. That is why it is called peace. And then one begins to wonder, in the midst of all that peace, if it is not true that war is beautiful even if it hurts.

After two or three times it happens, the war, you understand better. The war may also end well. That is, you win. But then life sets you apart from one of its dirtiest little secrets: that every relationship, even the most sparkling, ends in normal life. Whoever goes to get the baby, you went to the laundry, there is no bread.

And I would point out, B .: you know it. And in fact it was so little essential, that love, that in the end you thought about who makes me do it. They talk a lot about regrets. But ask whoever you want: the regrets of love are always only one. Because I didn’t hurry before. To get him out of my way.

Every beautiful wedding becomes a “what we do for dinner”, it is useless to object. And we just have to be happy (otherwise we do: we stand on a ledge all our life, B.? How many pills for pressure do you need?).

Could you have been better with that other one? All the happy people I know who tell me “the time I left everything for something I dreamed of” was a job. In general I have noticed that those who do something in life are the prudent with no regrets. Except that they have always painted it as a soft thing, prudence.

The remedy is not to dream less, said that Frenchman of the biscuits, but to have the whole dream.

Then dream: I’m in love and everything will go the right way because love wins over everything and how can the rock stem the sea. I’m leaving my husband.

Now do the whole dream, precise: ready lawyer I would need an interview, lady, you can take the house and 800 euros for the children. Appeal, signature. Children’s rounds. The lover in the meantime has become stable who snorts. What does he do, does he come to live with you? Doesn’t he come there?

Two years pass. And here is the surprise eternal return, the great admission on new loves that replace the old ones: you are as you were.

And all this for fifty grams of brand new happiness. And I think you already knew that. That new loves are just old loves in disguise. Of indispensable loves you can also have three together. There is only one essential. In the meantime, if I were you, I would begin to take care of that demotion, after which I always like to remember that fabulous Céline who said in her letters to her friends:

Love, not love, it matters little. What matters is to live with as little suffering as possible.

Read here all the bad relationships of Ester Viola.

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