P.they are seasons influence ours couple relationships? It seems strange and yet it is: it is now known as cuffing season, the rather common trend a look for a stable relationship especially in winter.
When it’s cold, the desire to share with someone there reassuring sofa-cover-TV series situation in fact it seems to be much stronger, as evidenced by various researches on the subject. Self the summer it is therefore for singles the season in which it is easier to find themselves living “hit and run” relationships, on the contrary, winter would be the time to say goodbye to relationships with the expiration date, to look for something more serious and lasting.
Thanks to the pandemic and the forced isolation that many have experienced on their skin, the trend seems to be even stronger in recent years.
But if the desire for a lasting relationship is more than legitimate in itself, being aware that winter can play some tricks on our emotional states, it can also be a way to protect us from disappointment or the risk of bad relationships.
So here’s everything you need to know about the cuffing season.
Cuffing season: what it is
Cuffing season, literally but also not very romantically “Handcuffing season”, seems to be such a widespread trend that the term has now entered common parlance.
Second Urban Dictionary, the online dictionary dedicated to neologisms and English slang, the cuffing season would in fact correspond to the cold season in which we tend to look for someone to partner with.
Not only that, the English language dictionary Collins, translates the term cuffing season as “the time of autumn and winter, when single people are believed to seek stable relationships rather than engage in casual relationships.”
Confirmation from dating sites
The tendency of singles to seek, especially in winter, a soul mate or in any case a person with whom to establish a more or less stable relationship, is also confirmed by several dating app.
According to a recent survey conducted by the dating app Inner Circle, in fact, half of the members of the community, from September onwards, would be looking for stable relationships. Not only that, with the approach of autumn there would also be a substantial increase in exchanges of telephone numbers between users, a sign that singles would try to deepen the knowledge made on the app.
To confirm the same trend too Tinder which last fall saw an increase in swipes and messages, respectively 13% and 12% compared to the summer season.
Cuffing season and pandemic
Not only that, according to Inner Circle, cuffing Season is becoming an even more consistent phenomenon in this period, probably due to pandemic which has led people to experience one greater feeling of loneliness.
In fact, already in October 2020 a article of New York Times highlighted how, according to the data from the meeting sites, a increased desire for stable relationships by the Americans. The propensity to find a partner starting from the coldest months also appeared to have increased even more consistently.
The reason? Second Galit Atlas, psychotherapist and professor at New York University consulted by the US newspaper, the pandemic would play a central role in this trend. L’ increased anxiety, according to the expert, it is in fact leading to the desire for stable relationships. When one is afraid and one feels lost, in fact, one tends to want to be together, to seek comfort in the other.
“The pandemic has had psychological effects at various levels – confirms the Doctor Francesco Minelli, Psychologist and Psychotherapist – The lockdown was, for many people, a very difficult and lonely period that has often really triggered existential crises or anxiety and depression disorders. Many couples have experienced more intense crises and conflicts and have separated. Many single people, on the other hand, have had to deal with themselves, their fears and anxieties. This may have led some of them to looking for love relationships in order to avoid reliving all this emotional intensity or come to terms with one’s past ».
Cuffing season: biology is also involved
Anxiety and sadness could somehow explain the psychological and biological mechanisms at the base of the cuffing season.
In fact, it is now known that at this time of the year many people experience what is called winter blues or winter blues.
“Winter is the coldest season of the year and cold is psychologically linked to the feeling of” emotional coldness “, as well as to a decrease in our serotonin levels, the hormone of happiness – explains Dr. Minelli – as the days get shorter and the sunlight decreases. Another motivation is based on our instinct, as a species, to seek out the proximity and human warmth. Desiring a stable relationship can therefore be a way to deal with all this ».
We must not forget that winter is also the season of Christmas and that even this holiday can have a strong impact on our desire for stable relationships.
“In this holiday season you can hear a lot more the pressure of family and friends to be as a couple or to appear engaged and not alone – underlines the expert – I have noticed how many people try to avoid spending this period in solitude at all costs so as not to bring back feelings of sadness and emptiness. Depending on the age, then we could find ourselves being the only ones on our own and all this could bring back very old experiences of abandonment and rejection ».
Even some searches scientists have testified as the cold can actually have a heavy impact on the feeling of loneliness. A fact that could explain precisely why in winter people tend to seek company more than in summer when it is hot.
How to avoid the risk of disappointment or bad relationships
However, the question remains whether Fr.sycologically, the desire for a stable relationship can make us more easily run into amorous disappointments.
“Surely the answer is yes – confirms Dr. Minelli – However, there is a precise one to do distinction between desire and need. The desire for a stable relationship can emerge from a deep satisfaction with one’s life even without being in a couple, the famous knowing how to feel good about yourself. The need, on the other hand, is closely linked to one affective lack which has very distant roots, often linked to relationships with one’s parents “.
The risk associated with the cuffing season is also that of finding yourself with a partner below your expectations.
“Many people end up with “Settle” because they do not feel they can deserve better, are too afraid of loneliness or suffer from emotional dependence or fear of abandonment – the expert clarifies – This leads them to try to fill the need for a bond at all costs rather than seeking the most authentic desire ».
How to do then for limit the risks?
«The solution is always the work on oneself – Dr. Minelli replies – My therapeutic approach, for example, focuses on childhood attachment dynamics to understand our current relationship difficulties. Only when we can understand our needs, welcome our wounds with compassion and examine all the mechanisms that have led us to current suffering (or our symptoms) then we can be free from addiction. “
There awareness it is then an excellent starting point to avoid settling for bad partners and relationships.
«Yes, it is good to start to look at ourselves in a new way, try to ask ourselves why we always behave in the same way, what thoughts we do all day and what emotions we feel – concludes the expert – Starting to look at ourselves from the outside is fundamental ».
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