“ANDIt was clean and quiet. We lived like two ships crossing each other in the night. I too am calm and reserved, which is why I believe that our agreement worked well in the end.” HelloCalm, as he signs himself on reddit.it, has lived in London for eight years. After a degree and a work contract in Venice, he goes into crisis, leaves everything and leaves for a master’s degree. He is 35 years old when he moves in and responds to the advert of a 65-year-old gay man who rents a room in his apartment. It remains for five years, until she goes to live with her new partner and gives up that “bright place with a nice view over the rooftops” to a friend who has been dumped. In London, loneliness is inevitable at times, which is why HelloCalm, when you buy a house, will keep a spare room for cohousing, and rent it out to whoever wants. “Living alone is an injustice,” he writes.
Cohousing trend: that is, the beauty of living with a stranger
In the USA, there are almost a million people over 50 who have housematesa number that has doubled in the last twenty years, according to a report by the Joint Center for Housing Studies at Harvard University. The phenomenon, however, is no longer just American and does not only have to do with the high cost of living. From Berlin to Paris, from Rome to Milan, the costs of large cities match those of economic crises and in the meantime the domestic space has also become a place of relationships in which to feel safe. We therefore “couple”. By responding to a simple ad or sending a request.
It’s called a project Get it at home and predicts, in Milan, the cohabitation between a self-sufficient age and an off-site studentbut also adults or couples. Instead of paying full rentyou contribute at a flat rate to household expenses.
In the USA, there are almost a million people over 50 who have housemates. The phenomenon, however, is no longer just American and does not only have to do with the high cost of living (Getty Images).
Gina, 60, and Giovanni, 40: “housemates” in Milan
«My daughter lives outside Milan, I wanted someone at home. A noise, a cup left on the table. Giovanni has been living with me for a year, I go out more in the evening than him. When I return, I find him on the computer working in the kitchen and we have a few laughs». Gina is 60 years old and Giovanni is 40. She has been separated for 15 years, he for three years, they live in a three-room apartment in Viale Monza where expenses and excessively noisy silences are kept under control.
«My brother lives in Rome with a peer from Abruzzo. They are both widowers but they are not a couple. They help and respect each other. It was he who pushed me to open the doors of my house. It’s easier than it seems. Home prices have become too high. But aiming for a relationship to share your days is an even higher goal. Feeling part of a network means trusting the sense of community that we have lost. We holed up as lonely individuals in our homes” concludes Gina.
Looking for a studio apartment with a sustainable price
Think of it as an intimate version of cohousing, a word as widespread in real estate jargon as “affordability,” that is accessibility to the house, being able to afford it: for singles, it has become a challenge. «In the Italian market this is a central theme» observes Paolo Giabardo, general director of Immobiliare.it. «The increase in prices in reality does not represent an anomaly and in Italy it was more contained than in other advanced countries. The real structural issue is the stagnation of wages, which makes accessibility the decisive factor”, he adds.
For singles, 55 percent of studio apartments are affordable (the most affordable city is Catania, the most unattainable is Florence) and 46 percent of two-room apartments (the least affordable of all are Milan and Bologna).
Cohousing, shared rentals are growing
If Covid has separated us, today we get back to living together. Without fear and with curiosity. This is confirmed by the latest Idealista report according to which shared rentals are growing in terms of offer (4 percent) and prices (+6 percent) and are also the solution preferred by those with more fragile incomes – emotional or financial. Living together is that added value that goes beyond saving on rent and bills.
Anyone who lives in Milan knows this well, where a room costs 675 euros a month (the average rent is 475) but so does the resident of Reggio Emilia, where the increase in the supply of available rooms compared to last year has reached 102 percent.
«His ex now lives in the room that belonged to my son»
«I’m a manager and I’m always away from home. Since my son moved city and left his girlfriend, I changed my life. I hosted his ex for a few weeks and in the end she never left. He lives in the room that was my son’s and we have a wonderful relationship. In fact, let’s give each other a hand. She stays with the cats when I’m away, I stay with her plants when I’m sleepless at night… We are fine and perhaps she is the daughter I would have wanted.”
Giada B. 57 years old, lives in Imola and is the widow and roommate of Bianca, 30, graphic designer. «We have forgotten the power of feeling part of a community. After all, home is everything you share with someone. A friend of mine lives in London and opened her doors to a guy who is twenty years younger than her and you know what? They fell in love… Life is made for meeting and not for alone» adds Giada.
Cohousing was a prison sentence
It seems like the life of the protagonists of The Flatshare – A bed for two2023 TV series set in London and inspired by Beth O’Leary’s bestseller. Leon is a boy who decides to share his apartment with a roommate. Since there is only one bedroom, and he works at night as a nurse in a hospice, Leon leaves the house to his hostess from eight in the evening to eight in the morning. The two communicate with Post-it notes but in the end they keep each other company. And they fall in love.
Even Iris, at almost fifty years old, moved to live with Jacopo after a failed marriage. They share the rent and a few quirks: everything except the bed, in this case. Iris and Jacopo are the protagonists of Moonlight of sleepless days (Einaudi) by Elvira Seminara, a novel where the two alternate (she lives in the house at night, because she is sleepless) but above all they help each other to synchronize with the rhythm of life in a house lived as a refuge, a place where the risk of giving up a certain protective distance is compensated by something else.
Living with a partner or a stranger
Then, if something were to ever happen, what harm would there be? Among Generation Z and Millennials, the most widespread belief is that buying a house is only possible with a partner. So the distance between cohabitation and shared mortgage is increasingly shorter, according to the latest Remax European Housing Trend Report according to which one in four couples moves in together within the first year of starting the relationship.
In Italy, the only thing that undermines this automatism is family support, which ensures the single person has the economic basis to take out the mortgage on their own. Vasco Rossi sang «and then you talk to me about a life together/about a house, about children…». The fact is that sometimes “life together” doesn’t happen or doesn’t last. As for children, they grow up and move away. What remains is always the house: emptied, renovated, dated. Or maybe shared with someone who has a life beyond our bedroom wall.