C.Ara Esther,
I’m L., i 45 years old, I have no children and a life together of three just ended ruinously, for me. Him with children but this is yet another never ending story, if you like I’ll tell it to you again even if the script is the one there, just that and always the same, yet … surprise ending, after years and years he returns to his mother’s son, mah.
Needless to say, I am devastated etc etc, I know it well since I have a failed marriage behind, that I almost do not want to tell it because I’m sick, yes, but as you say I keep it. I have to fend off I’m disgusting, I am almost become a pro of the ruinous phases of love. (Love?). Yet … But my question is another and this is it. Is it possible that I was the only one not to betray? Do I also add after having seen too many, and at my venerable age?
And to deeply believe that she is a coward, a low-grade stuff, a shortcut for little men and women. A baseness not only towards the other, but also towards myself?
In honor of the Truth and of noble and very high virtues I do not do that. Why me I do not stoop to some squalid subterfuges and lies, for crumbs of passion or remnants of fake happiness. So I want to understand, I don’t want to learn from others, but to understand. Tell me, please.
Your,
L.
Ester Viola’s answer
Ester Viola
Dear L.,
than a distillate of poison.
It is not that there is too much to learn from others and I need to understand. The tradimento is a sports tool: you are capable or not, you are gifted or not.
The betrayed has little or nothing to do with treason, at least grant it. It’s not that a couple is missing something from a wedding or a flirt. It is not lack filling, it is fun. So no one is special enough to dodge forever. I swear to you that altar boys also betray.
If you knew what certain sacristan faces don’t do, that when gossip happens with friends chatting you suddenly straighten up in your chair and say to each other – but how, too?
Him too. Pure Fantozzi, if you remember correctly.
What is betrayal
Treason is not a decision, it is independent, it goes to chance. The next betrayed will be that poor ex-wife who takes him back. I can sign it for you if you need to.
We have already said that so far, one could make a reason for it. Except that the world is asking you for fair play. Have they betrayed you, embé? What do you want it to be. Which is that face, why you mourn this mess.
I mean that for the modern victim – but also for the ancient one – cuckolded it is too little for a certificate of social protection and therefore for a little cheap consolation.
Even if you fall ill with pain with documented damage to your health and take the traitor to court, the judges laugh at you first, and then (ordinance no. 6598/2019) they answer that the affliction frankly does not exceed the threshold of tolerability and that betrayal does not result in the violation of a constitutionally protected right.
No constitutionally guaranteed loyalty. Not even after the wedding. If you want happiness, take that sub-brand we all have.
Betrayal and anger
But let’s go back to the fatal wrath. You can’t go to the judge, so at most you can call your friends.
Not at all. Not even. Perhaps. The cuckold must be elegant and mute, or he will pass from the side of reason to the front of fools. At the first hint of an outburst they will begin to dodge you and think “you were right to leave, what a bumblebee”.
You understand that with such premises you cannot win, you cannot even draw.
The consolation of betrayal
Consolations available: one. Micro. The common evil. It is the world that is betrayed, one per second. It’s not you, we all are. Who lives with it, who knows, who not yet, who pretends not to see, who is waiting for his chance to give back the same coin, who has made a point of it, who will do it even if he thinks not.
I have consumed it by now, this Philip Roth, from what I repeat:
“Think of the tragedies. What causes the madness, the bloodshed, the fear? Othello: betrayed. Hamlet: betrayed. Lear: Betrayed. It is a very big issue, betrayal. Just think about the Bible. What is this book about? The most common situation in the Bible is betrayal. Adam: betrayed. Joseph: betrayed. Moses: betrayed. Samson: Betrayed.
David: betrayed. And don’t forget the betrayal of God. God betrayed. Betrayed by our ancestors on every occasion ”Those few who still let themselves be fascinated, could find betrayal in the heart of history. Of the whole story. World history, family history, personal history. Nothing more ruthlessly frequent. ”
Then comes that very high branch of maturity in which the lowest blows stop being the sentimental ones (ie you don’t give a damn about the betrayal) and instead you find yourself with professional bruises. Bruises from work. Again: let go. Thinking about it is losing twice, and it goes for a little bit of everything. Sometimes it seems to me that living is just a great deal of self-training with only one result: stop being touchy. It seems little, but it is not.
iO Donna © REPRODUCTION RESERVED