Irma van Steijn and Froukje Jackson are both mental health psychologists at Maarsingh & van Steijn. Froukje in Groningen and Irma in Leeuwarden. They alternately write a weekly anonymized column about what they experience in the consulting room, among other things.
It is always special to guide a colleague, these are people who immerse themselves in others on a daily basis and suddenly ‘become the patient’ themselves. Lisa, a stable, hard-working colleague from a mental health institution, had suffered such limitations after a nasty accident that she could not work for a long time. She had been forced to ‘rest’. And while it initially felt like being freed from the rat race of a busy life, that peace turned out to disrupt Lisa.
The emptiness came at her like a lead rod and this time it was not possible to fend it off by stuffing herself with meaningful activities. In that void, all kinds of doubts and questions naturally arose, for example about her orientation. Lisa was single and had previously been in a relationship with a man. Somehow she knew that she was attracted to women, but she had never done anything about it and besides, everyone around her thought she was straight.
Careful chores without stress
She did need a relationship, but how do you come out of the closet at 48? And what about dating a woman? Lisa became unsure about everything, missed her old structure, but also felt that these questions were there for a reason.
Gradually she dared to tell those around her about her process. And the funny thing was that she was always surprised by the understanding responses she received. Colleagues responded kindly and told her that she should take time to recover. But actually this also made her insecure. The steps towards returning to work were mainly focused on ‘non-patient tasks’, careful chores without stress.
The feeling of being on the sidelines
I told her that I thought that was a clumsy strategy: “What do you mean, chores?” That gives you the feeling of being on the sidelines. After all, you are a good professional, you have learned this beautiful profession and have years of experience. You regain stability by doing your own work again and building up slowly, ultimately including night and crisis shifts.” And so it happened, Lisa reintegrated into her own position and even became a wealthier professional. She can better understand clients in the same kind of void, after all, she has been there herself.
In the last conversation we talked about self-disclosure by the care provider, that it can be helpful for patients if you reveal something about yourself. Little attention is paid to the power of this in training, and it is not recommended because a session should not be about the therapist. Certainly, that is true and logical, but Lisa and I agree that a well-measured self-disclosure, consciously chosen, can actually be helpful. This makes the other person feel less ‘weird or crazy’: your therapist is just a human being just like you.