Your child may have anxiety and you don’t know it

Mónica and Raúl were one night in the living room of their house watching TV when, suddenly, they saw their son Javi leave his room and go towards the kitchen convinced. Minutes later, he calmly strolled back to his room. And another few minutes later, he walked back into the kitchen. And so several times. When Monica went over to see what was wrong, she saw her son peacefully asleep on one of the kitchen chairs.

On another occasion they woke up in the middle of the night to hear their son scream. They both jumped out of bed and went to see what was happening. Poor Javi was having a nightmare; he screamed, sweated and moved in his bed scared.

At first, Mónica and Raúl thought that what was happening to Javi was normal. That sleepwalking is something common in children, that it would pass. And even more nightmares, what child did not have nightmares from time to time? That’s because he “is a boy with a lot of imagination & rdquor ;. But the thing was not less, but it began to be something habitual. And it is that Javi may have had an excessive imagination, but the reality was that I was stressed. And yes, only 8 years old.

Children do not get rid of stress

We tend to naturalize certain behaviors in children because, of course, “they are just children.” But like Javier, our children may be sending us signals that they are stressed and we are not realizing it. We have talked about this with the psychologist Úrsula Perona, so that she could shed some light on this complex issue such as stress in children.

Úrsula believes that “there is a lot of blindness with child psychology. We think that since they are children, they neither feel nor suffer, we take for granted that they do not have psychological problems. But of course they can have, just like an adult. They may have depression, they may have anxiety, stress. And we don’t see it & rdquor ;.

There are many factors that may be acting as stressors in our sons and daughters. Úrsula Perona has listed some of these factors that can affect our children and cause them stress or anxiety.

Stress factors in children

1. conflicts in the family: bad rolls with parents or relational problems, especially when they enter adolescence. They can also be affected by conflicts in the couple (parents) and that they experience them: separations, divorces. These are the strongest stressors, but then there are the most everyday ones, which are:
2. Excess of extracurriculars that leave them without free time for leisure or rest. Or also the excessive homework and self-demandthat is, they get too overwhelmed by getting good grades or keeping up with their class.
3. parental stress that we transfer to them in the form of haste, nerves, etc.
4. Social relations. If the child is suffering from bullying or simply does not have satisfactory social relationships.
5. And another very important factor is related to the adult rhythms we want to impose on children. “We are not respecting the need to play, unstructured free play, to be outdoors. We are making demands and rhythms that do not correspond to their needs & rdquor ;, says Úrsula.

Stress and new technologies

However, nowadays we do not only have to worry about these factors that we have just mentioned. There is also another very important aspect that we cannot forget: new technologies, mobile devices and, above all, the use that our children make (and do) of them. Úrsula Perona tells us some consequences that constant exposure to technological stimuli can bring to our sons and daughters:

• It prevents them from spending time doing other things healthier for them, like playing in the park or just getting bored and staring at the ceiling, which is also necessary.
• now they have new stressorsmodern, for example: body image through social relations, that their publications have or do not have likessocial approval, cyberbullying…
• Manage all information that are within their reach and cannot control, such as adult content; but not only that, but in general everything that comes to them without a filter.
• If the continued exposure – sometimes exaggerated – digital stimuli is a stress factor for adults, obviously it is also for the little ones. It is something that we have to be very careful with because it can cause stress or insomnia in children, but it can also create addiction.

Symptoms of childhood stress

Javi’s parents learned that their son was stressed when they discovered that he was suffering from some sleep disorders, such as sleepwalking and night terrors. But there are more symptoms that can indicate that our child is stressed; The psychologist Úrsula Perona points out that the following signs can give us clues that our son or daughter does not manage stress well:

• Irritability or misbehavior. “Children have very little emotional maturation and almost all emotions end up being expressed in the form of bad behavior. So, a stressed child is an irritable, tired child, with bad answers & rdquor ;, says Úrsula.
• excessive tiredness.
• Lack of motivation. They don’t feel like going out to play or do things.
• Whether they are crying or sadThey are overwhelmed by emotions and usually cry quite easily.
• somatization, that is, that children experience pain or discomfort that a priori are not recognized through a medical examination. For example, “my stomach hurts, I don’t want to go to school.” Úrsula Perona indicates that they are normally gastrointestinal pains and headaches, “in children it is what is most somatized & rdquor ;.
• Sleep disorders. “If he is a stressed child, he will have worries and ruminations, and this sometimes makes it difficult to fall asleep, with many awakenings, etc. & rdquor ;, Úrsula points out.

What to do if your child is stressed

Úrsula Perona recommends that we take a good look at our children. “If we identify any of the above factors in our child, it is important to try to find out what may be influencing him & rdquor ;.

In addition, it also advises us to be realistic, in the sense of knowing well what our child needs at each maturational stage and seeing if we are making a mistake. “For example, I am seeing that they are putting extracurricular activities for preschool children, children under three years old already going to extracurricular activities. A child of that age does not need extracurricular activities, he needs to be playing at home throwing cubes or in the park & ​​rdquor ;.

If we recognize these factors or any of these symptoms in our children, apart from supporting them and To help them manage their emotions and the reasons that are causing them stress, it would be advisable to seek psychological care so that this process is more bearable.oy our son receives help from professionals in the matter.

Remember: that they are smaller people does not mean that they have smaller problems than adults. The difference is that it is more complicated for them to identify what is happening to them, and that is what we are here for, to help and support them.