A good relationship with colleagues, managers or customers not only makes your working day more enjoyable, but also ensures that you get more done. Mirjam Wiersma, author of two books about business flirting, tells you how to put yourself on the map and build beautiful relationships with others. This time: stress makes you more social
You probably know that stress causes the production of the hormone adrenaline. But did you know that stress also causes the production of oxytocin, the ‘cuddle hormone’? Psychologist and professor Kelly McGonigal of Stanford University explains in her more than 13 million views, dating from 2013 TED talk explains how stress can stimulate us to form warm relationships. Her groundbreaking vision still stands, in one interview from the spring of last year you hear more about it.
Oxytocin, which is released when you give someone a tight hug, for example, influences your social instincts. It makes you want to seek support from the other person, that you want to tell them how you feel instead of bottling up your feelings. Oxytocin also increases your empathy. It has even been suggested that people sniff oxytocin, McGonigal says, because it makes us more compassionate and caring.
Moreover, she comes with another surprising approach. According to McGonigal, it matters a lot how you label your stress signals. Participants in a Harvard study were taught to view their physical stress responses not as a problem, but as a tool to help them perform better. When your heart begins to beat faster, it prepares you for action. When you breathe faster, you give your brain more oxygen.
The same physical response as with joy
The participants who learned that their stress responses positively influenced their performance subsequently also physically changed the way they responded to stress. Normally you see an increased heart rate and blood vessels that contract during stress. The participants still had an increased heart rate, but with a better cardiovascular profile: the same physical response as when we experience joy and courage. This is a much healthier reaction for your body. So taking a more positive view of stress can make the difference between a stress-related heart attack at 50 and living well into 90, according to Kelly McGonigal.
Also read at Intermediary: How do you best take care of yourself when you have a burnout?
So if you suffer from stress, is it your own fault? Then you shouldn’t worry so much about it and be able to see the positive sides of it? McGonigal warns against this thought. She inspires to let go of that fear. To see that you are free in how you react to stress. And that’s a different view than the paralyzing stories that stress is unhealthy.
I like to write, but it’s not always easy. Sometimes halfway through a book I think: this will never be finished! When I really dive into a topic, more and more information comes at me. The contours of what I want to write become more vague; I can’t see the wood for the trees and lie awake at night. Somehow it will turn out alright. The creative process and the satisfaction of holding your own book printed in your hands makes it very nice work for me. But I also struggle and am stressed. I can also label that stress as something that encourages me to dig deeper, invest more time and think better. So that the book will actually get there in the end.
Watch all our work and career videos here:
Free unlimited access to Showbytes? Which can!
Log in or create an account and don’t miss a thing of the stars.