Behavioral psychologist Chantal van der Leest examines our behavior in the workplace: who or what determines our daily decisions? Today: talking to a stranger.
On vacation it is very easy to get in touch with strangers. You chat with the neighbors at the campsite, ask for directions or take a picture for someone. Great, because talking to strangers is good for you, psychologists think. Most people are nice and make you feel good. Someone who acts and thinks differently can also broaden your horizons, give advice that you just didn’t think of yourself or put you in contact with third parties. It is not for nothing that many jobs are found via the via.
Yet spontaneous contact in our present lives seems further away than ever. Some colleagues only work from home or are quietly chopping their sandwiches above their keyboard. We scan our groceries at the self-scan checkout and mutter thank you to the back of the parcel deliverer’s mind as he rushes to the next address. We hardly need to see anyone and secretly like that too.
Also read at Intermediary: Back to work: this is how you beat the holiday blues
Practice makes perfect
We prefer to have control over how many unknowns we see. The Danish architect Jan Gehl discovered, for example, that people in large cities often become overstimulated because they come into contact with so many strange people. In response, they lock themselves in and become lonely. According to him, a space that is private and public can help to keep control. For example, I put a bench in my front yard where I drink cups of coffee and chat with passers-by. If I don’t feel like getting in touch, I’m suddenly busy reading.
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We scan our groceries at the self-scan checkout and mumble thank you to the back of the parcel deliverer’s mind
People also don’t talk to strangers because they think they will stammer and be rejected. British researchers therefore asked 450 students to install an app that let them search for people: find someone with unusual shoes or someone who drinks coffee. One half only had to observe, the other half had to start a conversation with that person. It soon became apparent: practice makes perfect. The more often the students made contact, the more confident they became of themselves and the more they liked it. 41 percent even exchanged contact details once, so maybe even talking to someone can help fight loneliness in the long run, the psychologists hope.
So don’t hesitate to have a chat with a new colleague or someone at the bus stop. You like it more than you think.
Want to know more about psychology and work? Read Chantal’s books Why Perfectionists Are Rarely Happy, 13 Tips Against Perfectionism (2021) and Our Fallible Thinking at Work (2018).
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