When the Dutch journalist Marijke de Vries moved to Brussels, she felt a ‘Dutch softie between Belgian supermothers’. Because although she always saw herself as an emancipated woman, after the arrival of her first child she automatically thought about working less, while Belgian parents took their children to daycare full-time. Apparently she had internalized the Dutch view that it is pathetic if children go to childcare a lot. Where does that notion come from?
This is what the experts say
‘It is indeed not done in the Netherlands to take your children to daycare for more than three days,’ says Ragna Heidweiller, author of For better or for worse (but only if you do the dishes): Handbook for a new division of roles. The annual emancipation monitor shows that parents find it ideal if the children go to childcare for two, maximum three days. You see that many families opt for the patchwork model: a combination of three days of childcare, one day mom and the other day the grandparents. ‘The daddy day often falls after the first year. The intention is there, but the call of paid work is winning.’
The fact that people think negatively about outsourcing care also has to do with the high costs and the image of paid childcare in the Netherlands. ‘Of the parents who do not use childcare, only one in three is convinced that childcare is a safe environment for their child. I find that shocking’, says sociologist Anne Roeters of the Social and Cultural Planning Office, who was involved in the study Look at Childcare. ‘Childcare in the Netherlands has an image problem.’
The fact that childcare is not doing well may also have to do with the fact that parents have to bring their child at a very young age, says Heidweiller. ‘After three months, most women have to go back to work and that’s pretty early.’
It also plays a role in the fact that in the Netherlands we cherish the ideal image of the caring mother who is the best candidate to take care of the children. Heidweiller: ‘According to historians, this image suddenly became feasible in the 1950s because men earned enough to support a family. It’s in our culture.’
Can it be done differently?
Leave the brood at home, you might say. Because there are also studies that show that childcare can sometimes be quite stressful for a child. But looking at the labor force participation of women, a little less shelter shame would be a good thing.
How childcare is framed differs per country. ‘In America the shelter is called ‘early learning’ or ‘care center’ and it is emphasized that efforts are made to stimulate the development of children,’ says Roeters. ‘So the care is not only good for the parents, because they can work, but especially for the children. There is much to be said for that. Extra incentives, such as playing with other children and reading to them, are important, especially for children who are at risk of falling behind.’
Parents have the impression that the quality in the Netherlands is not good. ‘That just isn’t right,’ says Anne Roeters. All reception locations have a pedagogical plan and there are more employees in the group than before. ‘You often hear that it is better in Scandinavia because the pedagogical staff have a higher vocational education. But it’s nonsense that you can’t do the job well with an MBO education.’
Journalist Marijke de Vries brought her children to the shelter in Brussels for four days, much to their satisfaction. Now she is back in the Netherlands and is home for a day and so is her husband. Culture is a persistent thing.