Let’s imagine the scene. A working mother, or a working father, it doesn’t matter, comes with her tongue out and the best of her smiles to pick up her little son after school. When he leaves class, she asks her mother or father for sweets, who tells her there aren’t any today (because there were yesterday).
The boy gets angry, screams and throws himself to the ground riding a tremendous number in front of the other fathers and mothers and all the children of the school. The public watches the spectacle with disapproval. The mother (or father) will feel helpless, exhausted and culpability, you’ll wonder how you could have managed the conflict better, and you’ll even be tempted to run to the nearest candy store to settle it (supposedly). And she will also find herself questioned, unarmed and alone. The child, on his part, will feel frustrated, disappointed because he expected to achieve something that he has not achieved, perhaps after a not so easy day at school.
Doubtful mothers and fathers
María Jesús Álava, in her book “The ‘no’ helps to grow” makes it clear that currently both parents and children receive a social pressure that little helps the task of educating. “Many parents are full of doubts, they don’t want to treat their children as they were treated, they don’t know how to deal with the challenges and situations that arise. They must be continually adapting to a world that is constantly changing, increasingly competitive, more inhuman. A world that demands a relentless career and does not allow them to have a family life.
These adults, who should convey confidence and security, tell them one thing today and another tomorrow, they look at them helplessly, tiredly, sadly and resignedly. Children are finding it more and more difficult to have the childhood they need: every day they have to learn more things, although many are still useless, they have less time and less space to play, less relaxed atmosphere…”.
Maite Vallet, pedagogue and trainer of mothers, fathers and teachers, insists, in her work “How to educate my son during his childhood”, on the idea that parents feel overwhelmed: “It is relatively frequent that the education of children be a frustrating experience. We often feel unable to understand their behaviors and attitudes. Society overloads parents. Many feel guilty or distressed & rdquor ;.
In another of his works, “Dare to innovate!”, Vallet charges against competition in the school: “The school pretends that it is the family that educates for life. Pretends that students are not selfish, however encourages their individualism by forcing them to compete instead of promoting their solidarity & rdquor ;. Perhaps due to social constraints and pressures, Álava points out that in today’s society, education in values ”remains in the air, without family and school assuming the role that corresponds to each one & rdquor ;.
The feeling of anguish and doubt that seems so common among fathers and mothers can be due to multiple factors. María Jesús Álava points out that one of the reasons why “current parents feel very lost” is that “they feel that cannot apply the type of education they received, but they do not find the balance point that allows them to educate their children in values. In many cases they have confused an education that promotes the freedom and creativity of the individual with an education without limits, which in no way favors the development of a balanced personality and which is endangering respect for others & rdquor ;.
Javier Urra, former Ombudsman for Minors, also warns of the great dangers posed by this tendency to overprotection and permissiveness that is observed today as a reaction to the authoritarianism of past times.
In addition to the expiration of the references we had as children, the features of our society, individualistic and freneticwhich leaves little room for the sharing of such a social experience as raising children and leaves little time to sit down to reflect and debate on such a crucial issue.
Without a doubt, the Internet has made it much easier to respond to this voracity: websites and blogs proliferate where parents are provided with resources and reflections to educate, blogs in which mothers and fathers reflect with a sense of humor on this constant challenge, facebook groups and emotional videos about educating. The network is full of articles on how to educate better, according to the different trends and the different opinions of experts.
The enthusiasm of wanting to do better, and in common
However, devouring books, articles or debates in the virtual space on education on many occasions only increases the anxiety of parents, who continue to search for references on how to do their job better and continue to be full of doubts. In fact, according to a survey conducted by the Catholic Confederation of Parents (CONCAPA), 71.7% of the parents surveyed believe that family schools are very or quite important and 42% of the people asked consider that these schools should teach “how to educate children”.
All things considered, this constant questioning of our work as fathers and mothers, despite being exhausting, is very positive for our children. María Jesús Álava sums it up this way: “Many parents today are true heroes. They show a unique ability not to lose hope and constantly seek ways to improve situations inside and outside the home, how to help their children in every phase of their lives”.
What is clear is that today’s mothers and fathers we want meeting spaces about the task of educating and perhaps in this way, with these common spaces, a more supportive and less individualistic society could be built.