What’s it like to find out your husband is a murderer? Peter Middendorp takes on the role of these women in ‘Ada’s side’

In the novel You are mine – based on the Marianne Vaastra case – Peter Middendorp got into Tille’s head. He delves into this in his latest book Ada’s side . “If you want to know why someone is in a situation, you have to ask how it came about.”

At the time of conversation, the book has yet to be published. But in the meantime, we are already busy rehearsing for a stage adaptation. Middendorp: “The reason for this book was a question from actress Lotte Dunselman. She asked me if I wanted to write a play for You are mine , but from Ada’s perspective. I really wanted that. Ada was a favorite character anyway. I had her completely thought out, but in You love me too Tille is the narrator. As a result, you only see her through his eyes. In fact, he pays no attention to her or at most negative ones. So we didn’t really know who she was. When the request came, I thought: I want to know how she is doing now.”

‘Now’ is about 26 years after the girl was found in a meadow. It took thirteen years before her husband was arrested. Another thirteen years later, she visits him in prison every week and he will be released before too long. Readers don’t need to You’re mine not to have read it to understand ‘Ada’s side’.

What happens to you if your husband did something like that?

Middendorp: “You always have a certain spark with a new novel. When Lotte started talking about this idea, I immediately saw Ada standing in front of the window. It is so many years later, the farm has been sold and she has a house from the housing development. I’ve always had a kind of compassion for her. A good novel starts with a good question. In this case I wondered, “What happens to you if your husband has done something so terrible?” And there are all kinds of sub-questions underneath. Do you feel guilty? And how do you live with that? What do you think? What do you feel? And what do you know? Can you know something a little? Did you really not know anything? And what does your memory do with that? How do you relate to your children? To the truth? To the village? And they to you?”

Despite his toxic behavior during their marriage and despite his crime, Ada cannot break away from her husband. “Victims blame themselves. They wonder if they provoked it. And often also what happens if they do tell. We cannot at all understand why people make the decisions they do if we do not ask ourselves what their alternative is. If you were touched by the football coach, it might be reported in the regional newspaper and the coach would be fired. Or it goes the other way: no one believes you. Women like Ada often feel like failures as women. He looked outside the home. Women who are beaten make a similar reversal. “If I don’t give him a reason to hit, he won’t do it anymore.”

The question ‘Why don’t you leave?’ runs implicitly throughout the book. Middendorp looked for the answers by interviewing as many women as possible who have been in a similar situation. “I also came across a Belgian study with the stories of 25 women. I needed all of those, because that’s the only way you’ll see patterns.”

Strategies to deal with those emotions

Ada doesn’t hand her motives on a silver platter. She is fairly passive and not particularly reflective of her own actions. Middendorp: “People who are in the middle of it like Ada are in psychological distress. They can’t do that. The people I interviewed can look back. And then you see that a number of things always come back in those stories. The guilt, the fear, bad experiences with care providers and the possibilities to say something. This book is also about parenting. If you never learn to interpret your feelings and learn strategies to deal with those emotions, you will get stuck later.”

“It is only reserved for a limited upper layer. In safe households, where there is attention, secure attachment takes place and children are validated, they learn to understand their feelings. If you’re wondering why Ada is in that situation, you have to wonder how she got into it. The women I interviewed were never used to anything else in their youth than what they got in marriage. They haven’t learned anything. If you never get comfort, reciprocity and security, then you won’t seek out nice men. They’re not even attractive.”

He will come back to this after the interview. “I have a daughter and I really want to give her something different. But I also see what women are taught by society and generation after generation. I often hear women laugh when they talk about something difficult. As if they always have to keep it light and be friendly. And recently I rode my bike along the sidewalk for a while. A girl moved away from me and immediately said sorry. I almost wanted to get off and tell her not to apologize. It was my fault! We really have something to do there.”

Divorce just wasn’t an option

Middendorp also sees that in some circles, such as the small farming community of which Ada and Tille are part, it is still a taboo to divorce, whatever the situation. “I interviewed a woman while her husband – just released from prison – was hoeing in the garden. She said that the period when he was incarcerated was actually the best time of her life. Then the children and grandchildren came over. Of course I asked why she wasn’t getting a divorce, but that just wasn’t an option. That may be difficult for us to understand, but for that generation it is very different. You suffer your fate.”

From the moment Tille is arrested, Ada’s life changes for the better. The fear that lay beneath the surface for thirteen years about what might happen if he were caught turns out to be unfounded. “The opposite happens. She is seen as a victim and suddenly has friends. The women from the village take care of her, the men milk the cows and for the first time there is room in the family to look at each other. She has contact with the children. That’s based on the interview I just referred to. The pressure was off.”

The book You are mine is fiction, but based on the case of Marianne Vaatstra from De Westereen. Tille Storkema is based on Jasper S. from Aldwâld . His family, according to news reports, was also taken care of by the farming community around them after the arrest. How does the writer relate to all these real people?

“This is where ethics and craft come together. I left all actual victims alone and deliberately interviewed others. I did have contact with Bauke Vaatstra, the girl’s father, before the first book was published. He read parts so that the family would not one day be confronted with this book, but I did not ask him any substantive questions. When the book came out, his phone was ringing off the hook. Whether he didn’t find it terrible that this book had been published.”

Humiliation passed down from generation to generation

“Now Bauke Vaatstra is a terribly smart man with a lot of media experience, so he knew he just shouldn’t respond. He immersed himself in the book, heard from his friends that I was a good writer who would handle the story carefully, and that was the end of the matter for him. We called a few more times, but in the last conversation we mainly talked about his chickens. Then I knew it was all right.” The family of Jasper S. has been informed about the publication of Ada’s side .

Middendorp published an autobiographical novel in 2014 about his parents’ Blokkerwinkel in Emmen. The book presentation was rudely disrupted by residents who recognized themselves in the book. “I made all the jokes I could think of about Drenthe in an interview. I offended people with that. That would work that way in every province, but we are also talking about the descendants of peat workers. Outcasts. That humiliation has been passed down from generation to generation, if it hasn’t already become protein. It’s in their DNA. Just as you don’t have to explain to a bird that it should be afraid of people, the people of Drenthe automatically feel the neglect of the outside world.”

“It’s just like with the victims we were just talking about. That repeats itself, because you don’t know any better. To be honest, I hadn’t taken that into account. I imagined myself as the prodigal son returning to present that book. But I was taken in through the front door, beaten up and thrown out the back door.”

The chance to follow her train of thought

After this incident and the threats that followed, he could have chosen to write only pure fiction. “Many novels start from reality. Madame Bovary’ is based on a newspaper report. Only no one knows that newspaper report. Of course I see that it is different here. People know reality and that brings with it a certain sensitivity. That’s why I also informed the family. A childhood in a Blokker shop in Emmen, yes you can show off that, but with a gruesome event like this you are much more careful. At most I was afraid that people would think I was standing up for the perpetrator, but that didn’t happen.”

Middendorp also does not condone anything with regard to Ada. He gives the opportunity to follow her train of thought, but does not explain. ,,After You are mine there was a reader who asked: ‘But why did he do it?’, while I actually give a possible explanation in every chapter. It is not clear. We do not understand behavior, but that is often because we hear about it too late. If the treasurer stole 100,000 euros from the church treasury, we are surprised. He was always such a sweet man and then he suddenly turns out to be a terrible scumbag. But maybe he was addicted or something. All kinds of misery. It started with a tenner, he first put it back neatly and years later a hundred thousand is gone.”

“The Second World War started in 1939. Well, at school we learn about the collapse of the empire, the Treaty of Versailles and hyperinflation. But do you understand why six million Jews had to be murdered? You can never explain exactly why people do something. And that will not be apparent from a verdict or journalistic reporting. You can explore it in a novel. I looked for the most important ingredients that make Tille and the most important ingredients that make Ada. Separately, they are not an explanation, but if all the signals are pointing in the wrong direction, things can hardly go well.”

Ada’s side will be published on January 27 by De Bezige Bij.