By Jana Förster and Konstantin Marrach
Summer time is vacation time. For many couples, this means a break from everyday life and trying out new moments of pleasure in a relaxed environment. The new column by sex counselor Jana Förster is also about exactly this topic.
A reader who wishes to remain anonymous writes: “We are two couples in our mid-40s and will be traveling without children for the first time in a long time at the beginning of August. Since we are relatively open and get along well, we have decided to let it crackle a little far away from everyday life and family life.
Since we have booked a finca with two bedrooms, we are wonderfully undisturbed. My question: My husband and I have never swung before, but the other couple has had some experience with it. What do we have to consider?
We don’t want to start too inexperienced these days on Mallorca.”
Sex counselor Jana Förster answers: “Dear reader, I am sure you have very exciting holidays ahead of you. If you’re thinking about becoming a swinger, it really makes sense to consider a few points:
Agree on rules beforehand
You should both do this as a couple and also at the beginning of the holiday with the other swinger couple. It is very important to discuss and respect the privacy and rules of each other and each other. Feeling your own limits and also communicating them is the sure way that everyone feels comfortable and can stay in communication at all times if something changes. Take it easy on the first experiences so that you can get used to the new constellation.
Your own partnership has priority
Probably the most important rule that I would like to recommend to you is that your own partnership is always in the foreground for both of you. So always stay in touch with each other, how you are doing with the current events.
Trust is an important part, because swinger couples in particular often have a very high level of trust.
Obtaining this is extremely valuable. Set aside time for just the two of you on a regular basis so that there is enough space for conversations. Be sure to discuss how the sleeping situation should be regulated. Does each couple stay to themselves at night? Or is an exchange conceivable? Or even a bed for all four? Questions that should first be discussed as a couple.
Consider potential emotional impact
Spending a holiday with another couple, especially as a couple, can of course also have an emotional impact on your own couple dynamics. Be aware that jealousy and insecurities can also occur in an open relationship and that these should of course also be given space.
Keep talking about it and make sure that you and your partner’s emotional needs and boundaries are recognized and understood. If these feelings are rejected by yourself or by your partner, this will sooner or later lead to a loss of trust and conflicts. Mindfulness is a great asset here!
safe sex!!!
It should be discussed beforehand how contraception is to be used in which situations. Condoms are self-evident when swapping partners, but there are often other rules that should be observed in this regard. Should the fingers be washed before changing fingers from one woman to the second? How do you see the subject of oral sex and contraception? What practices are okay with you and what is reserved for the couple relationship?
All questions I would always recommend discussing beforehand. So nothing stands in the way of hot adventures and first partner swapping experiences between you, no annoying and overdue arrangements in bed for a long time.
What else needs to be considered?
It is also important to know: opening up your own partnership and turning it into a swinger relationship requires a lot of communication, reflection and a sense of responsibility. It is normal that you may have difficulties starting out, especially at the beginning. However, if she respects her partner’s decisions, feelings and boundaries at all times and you also meet this willingness on the other side, nothing stands in the way of a good basis for an open relationship.
The big chance is that the four of you enjoy a wonderfully erotic, harmonious and exciting holiday. Leaving parenthood at home and throwing yourself completely back into lust as a sexual being. There is nothing more beautiful than experiencing this with your partner and feeling how beautiful sexual indulgence and experience can be on all levels.
I wish you eventful, enriching and hot days on Mallorca. Your Jana Förster”
Do you also have questions for Jana Förster?
Is there a crisis in your relationship and you don’t know why? Isn’t bed like it used to be? Do you have an erotic fantasy, but don’t know how to talk to your partner about it or live it out with her?
You can ask your questions in the BZ series “Frau Förster’s Question Time” – completely anonymously, of course.
Our expert Jana Förster, who has been working as a sex counselor since 2016, takes on the problems and answers them in her weekly online column.
Send your questions by e-mail to [email protected] or by post to: Question Hours, Redaktion BZ, Axel-Springer-Straße 65, 10888 Berlin.