By Jana Förster and Konstantin Marrach
More than 22 million singles live in Germany. Many of them are looking for great love. Others, on the other hand, are only looking for non-binding affairs and do so on relevant portals. Some with more, others with less success.
Just like BZ reader Jens, who sent the following email to our columnist Jana Förster: “I (34) have been single for a few months and am currently trying my luck on Tinder. I have uploaded a meaningful photo and a short concise text. There are always interested clicks from women. Unfortunately, most of them drop out when I start chatting with them. Maybe I’m not being direct enough, but I don’t want to fall straight into the house. Do you have any tips for getting interesting text messages when dating online?”
Sex counselor Jana Förster answers: “Online dating has its own rules. It is important to establish contact with a person without being able to use the advantages of a personal encounter. Only your profile and the text of your first messages are decisive for a meeting and possibly even more.
The power of the first words is greater than we often think. That’s why I would like to give you four important tips so that the unknown and shaky terrain of the first news becomes safe ground for you.
- The first tip comes from every fiber of my being as a writer and author: Spelling and Grammar. Please pay attention to your spelling, punctuation marks and correct sentence structure. What may sound very German and small-minded at first glance leaves an important first impression on the other person. Nothing seems more loveless than a text that has been typed out without punctuation marks and form. Also, correct spelling is very sexy. No woman is looking for a man who later gets an e-mail sent back to the school of their children with the notes marked in red because the teacher could no longer control himself and had to correct it compulsively.
- Personality scores! This applies, of course, and above all to the first message. Please always – and I mean always – refer to content of the profile or photos of the chosen one. Write something personal about it, refer to your profile individually. Avoid general phrases such as: “You have beautiful eyes” or “You have great pictures there”. That sounds like a general phrase and like a standard message that you could send to any other woman. Say something very individual in your message, which is not generally applicable, but explicitly refers to content in your profile.
- Put in your first message at least one open question, so you have at least one starting point for a reply message to respond to. Nevertheless, please keep it short, because even a message that is much too long can seem overwhelming at first.
- stay positive In the first messages you should avoid political or similarly difficult topics, tell one or two anecdotes about yourself. Make them curious about you as a person. Not taking yourself too seriously and having a sense of humor are also hugely attractive. Also be careful with compliments, without the right facial expressions and gestures and the appropriate voice range they are sometimes difficult to take seriously. So it’s better to give them a well-placed little compliment instead of showering them with praise right away.
Dear Jens, you can see that even the first messages already send a lot of messages between the lines to your chosen one. So remain authentic at all times and strive to get to know each other personally as quickly as possible. Nothing is more valuable than the first personal impression.
No matter how great you write and have followed the perfect rules, if it doesn’t fit personally, there will be no future together. I wish you every success and am sure that you will find someone in the big Berlin dating jungle.”