Josef Winkler’s statistical review of the ME list of the 100 best guitarists.
Oh heavens, it’s already 2024 – I’m still busy evaluating and classifying the statistical surveys from last year! For example here: The list of the “100 best guitarists of all time”, compiled by MUSIKEXPRESS. Of course, the first question that arises for smart-ass people is the classic smart-ass question: Yes, like now, “of all time,” does that also include the future of guitar playing?
Could one answer: Yes, that’s right, it’s included; As far as we can tell, there isn’t much of a future ahead of us anyway, and whether there will be so much groundbreaking guitar playing in the last few years before the (logically caused by the traffic lights) climate-eco-nuclear-agri-diesel-zombie apocalypse… ? Well, if anything else comes up, we can nominate again. AND also important nowadays: When we evaluate “all times”, are all parallel worlds and multiverses also included in the consideration?
I wasn’t involved in the decision-making process (otherwise Fredl Fesl would have been ranked much higher), but after studying the list I assume that at least random samples were taken. For example, they’ve apparently checked out a parallel universe in which the dude from the Stone Temple Pilots (by who? Phew… How do I explain that to someone under 55… whatever) is the thirty-fourth best guitarist of all time. Yes, weird, right? In yet other worlds, people like Bernard Butler and Poison Ivy who are classified as “otherwise” seem to be rated so highly here that they made it to places 17 and 16 (!) in the overall ranking. Congratulations from here!
I assume that the notorious string-twisher Dolly Parton also found her way onto the list under similar circumstances (at number 93, which was actually reserved for Robert Fripp, but then it turned out that there are several universes in which Fripp is the ONLY one guitarist EVER, and that has to be enough, the jury found), and she represents a statistically very interesting intersection with another list that was offered to me for evaluation by the algorithm on a half-ass people page: Dolly Parton is the only person in the ME -Ranking of the “100 best guitarists”, which is also represented in this list of “female billionaires”.
The gender question immediately arises: Are there also male billionaires? While I’m trying to verify this, I come across information that Dolly Parton is actually only worth 440 million! Good Lord! Now I can start again – that’s what comes from fact checking!
This column first appeared in Musikexpress issue 3/2024.