In 2012, Elise’s desire to have children, then 31, took on increasing proportions. The bachelor didn’t want to wait any longer, so she decided to look for a sperm donor. Not through a clinic, because then the name of the donor remains secret until the child is sixteen and wants more information. She thought it would be nicer and healthier if the donor would be known immediately. Although she did not want to involve him in the upbringing, she did want him to have a (small) role in her child’s life.
During her search, Elise came across the Groot Verlangen website, where sperm donors can offer themselves. There she found the ad for ‘Jacob’, an artsy man with a big head of curls. They met a few times at her house. It turned out that his name was not Jacob, but Jonathan. “I found him to be a friendly, attentive and sociable guy. He had traveled a lot and talked about it a lot. An easy conversationalist and a charming man. A lottery ticket.”
Elise, not wanting to see her full name in the public eye, was eager to know why he offered himself. “From his circle of acquaintances, he had experienced how difficult it can be if a child’s wish cannot be fulfilled, he said, which is why he wanted to help others.” At that time several children had already been born through his donations, he was open about that. “He said very clearly that his maximum was 25 children. “That really sounds like a super maximum to me,” I said.” Jonathan agreed, she said. “Why would you lie about that?”
Unbeknownst to most mothers, Jonathan gave his semen to hundreds of other women. He is now an estimated donor father of 550 to 600 children. Stichting Donorkind and Eva, one of the mothers, have started summary proceedings against the man, with the aim of preventing him from continuing to spread his sperm. The verdict is Friday, which is closely followed by hundreds of women who became mothers thanks to Jonathan’s sperm.
His behavior is reprehensible and harmful, given the evidence-based risk of inbreeding, incest and negative psychosocial consequences for donor children
Stichting Donorkind and mother Eva
Well crossed the border
Clinics have a maximum number of children of 25 per sperm donor, or 12 families. Jonathan has amply crossed that line, because he often offered himself to prospective parents without the intervention of clinics. He also donated to several clinics, but they do not exchange their data.
“His conduct is reprehensible and harmful, given the scientifically substantiated risk of inbreeding, incest and negative psychosocial consequences for donor children,” claimants Stichting Donorkind and mother Eva say in the summons of the summary proceedings. An amendment to the Artificial Insemination Donor Data Act is currently being considered, to enshrine a maximum number of families per donor in the law.
What does it mean for children that they may have six hundred brothers and sisters? The eldest are now teenagers, and the youngest are still in the tummy.
Jonathan visited Elise for the insemination, she says while her son is gaming in his room. “Cup of tea, Jonathan did his thing and then he left and I did my thing.” It hit on the third try. “After three months I informed him that I was pregnant, and in 2013 my son was born. Jonathan met him once on the beach when he was a baby. That was very nice.” It never came to a meeting after that, says Elise. “We texted back and forth, but he was always busy,” she says. “In hindsight, I understand what.”
In 2017, Elise got “a strange feeling” in her stomach for the first time. “Then I heard a message on the radio about a donor who was active in eleven clinics. Gosh, it wouldn’t be Jonathan, thought. He was gone so much. Other than that I didn’t do anything with it.” A big story until 2021 The New York Timesappeared, in which Jonathan M. was mentioned by name as a mass donor. By his own account, he had fathered 275 children. “That is indeed about me,” he texted Elise when she asked. “Sorry.” After that the contact died.
From the moment her son started talking, Elise told him that he has no father, but a ‘zader’. “We have been helped by Jonathan, I tell him, he has given a seed. He has also helped other women.”
After the article The New York Times Elise has told her child that Jonathan has not been completely honest. He recently discovered that he may have six hundred brothers and sisters himself on TikTok – where a video was circulated. “I don’t think he really has it.” At school they skipped the broadcast of the Youth News about the summary proceedings against Jonathan.
Read also: Many children still do not know who their father is
‘A whole new concept’
Many mothers have contact with each other, says Elise. “Sister days” are organized, where a group of children – half-brothers and half-sisters – meet. Elise and her son haven’t been there yet. “We are not ready yet. There are mothers who meet up and go on vacation. I hope the same for my son.”
Elise has “a lot of worries”. Among other things, about the risk of inbreeding and incest that her child will run in the future. “Our children are also having children, the group is getting bigger. What consequences will that have?” During the hearing, two weeks ago, Jonathan was called to account for this. He suggested that his donor children put a symbol on their social media page, revealing that he is their father. Elise: “He is very light-hearted about it. That gives me a scary feeling.”
During the session, which Elise followed from a distance, Jonathan called his approach “a whole new concept”. That statement won’t let go of Elise, she says. She spent nights brooding over it. “What does he mean by it? Is it an experiment? Is my child a concept? If I knew exactly what he meant, I would experience peace.”
She worries about the future of her son, who grows up as an only child, but in biological reality has so many half-brothers and half-sisters that it is impossible to bond with them all. “What will happen to those children? What is this going to cause at all? How is this going to shape them?”
Because such a large group of donor children from the same donor has never been identified before, no clear answers can be given to these questions. Research has been done on other groups of donor children. “Interviews and group meetings among donor children show that large numbers of children per donor can lead to tension, jealousy, rivalry, frustration, powerlessness, sadness, guilt, worry and uncertainty and that it is characterized as a struggle,” the plaintiffs write in the summons. .
Elise is afraid that Jonathan will cut off contact completely if he finds out that she has done her story in the media. “That has happened with other mothers who have done their story in the media,” she says. That’s why she uses her middle name here. “I find myself very doubtful about everything. I am eternally grateful to Jonathan because he gave me my son. But my own feeling says: go away. Still, I want to keep the door open for my son.”
A version of this article also appeared in the newspaper of April 28, 2023.