«TAre you five years away from retirement? Then follow our seminars and you will find useful advice to best face that moment.” This is more or less the words of the advertisement of a large Swiss company that has supported e for over thirty years encourages future retirees to prepare the financial aspects, develop new projects and dedicate yourself to initiatives to stay fit and be independent ahead of the big day.
In Italy, howeverthe “retirement planning” activity, which helps you plan your retirement and the consequent reorganization of your lifeis not so widespread (it is sometimes offered by professional associations and patronages). Elisa Lupoemployment consultant, therefore created the podcast Provident which has the ambition of helping today’s girls (and especially the “no longer” girls) to arrive at the appointment with all the necessary equipment. Together with her, many guests including the philosophers Maura Gancitano and Ilaria Gaspari, the influencer Pecuniami, the journalist Mia Ceran.
Towards retirement: it’s time to do the math and plan
But why do we need to prepare? And prepare for what exactly? “Today become “pensioners”», explains Lupo, «it is a delicate and complex passage, which forces the woman to identify a new definition of self (an experience not to be taken for granted, especially for those who used to identify with their professional function). To think about a new organization of times and everyday life. And to redefine new roles and spaces in the family.” The expert continues: «The need to equip oneself from a personal, as well as financial, point of view is a relatively new task, little known and very underestimated, but crucial to making the moment of retirement from work pleasant».
More cultured and fit, the conditions of retiring women have changed
Furthermore, the conditions in which the fateful moment is approached are completely new. «Women today have one significantly higher life expectancy (and therefore many more years to spend after leaving work). Significantly better health conditions (and therefore the possibility of maintaining more intense standards of psychophysical activity). Much higher educational and cultural levels (and therefore probable openness to more interests and the use of technologies)”.
Guido Sarchielli, work psychologist at the University of Trento, explains it in the book Retire. Pleasures, sorrows, opportunities (The Mill). «All this has undermined the idea of retirement as a period of “quiescence” which, strictly speaking, means “torpor, hibernation, suspension of every non-fundamental vital process”. He turned it into a moment where it’s possible dedicate yourself to the lively and sparkling construction of new activities». This potential positive outcome, however, is not easily achievable and requires an abundant personal commitment with outcomes that are anything but predictable.
The 5 phases of retirement and how to deal with them
«There are those who manage to organize their future life right away, those who enter retirement in complete confusion without knowing what to do in the time to come» comments Luca Monasterolo, psychotherapist from Turin. Although each person’s path is unique, they exist five phases that these experiences have in common.
«The first – he explains – is that of “early retirement”, when you begin to develop the idea that your career path is coming to an end and the problems arise first expectations about the future».
The second is that of “enthusiasm”: «You are excited at the idea of being able to dedicate more time to yourself, to your dreams».
The moment “disappointment”, however, is lurking: «The new life does not seem to respect the forecasts and after a few months a sense of depression, hyperactivity or anguish sets in». How to react?
The fourth phase begins: «You replan your life differently, with more realism.”
The fifth phase is that ofadaptation: «A new long-term life project is created». Obviously not everyone experiences these phases and not necessarily
in this order.
Who am I that no longer works in that profession?
Retiring is a delicate transition, which forces a woman to see herself differently. She brings with her questions that are ontological: “Who am I now that I no longer carry out that profession?”. «The question is all the more difficult and painful in women where one’s identity was defined by one’s profession» he observes Laura Sinatracoach, corporate trainer and co-founder of Eapitalia World.
«In the first few months I happened to wonder who I was, seeing as I was no longer the manager that everyone (re)recognized» says Ersilia Accorsi. “It was terrible.” Mario Calabresi also talks about it in The morning after (Mondadori) which tells the story of who has said goodbye to a love story, a parent, a job and feels a sense of emptinessof dizziness, in front of all those rites that had given a rhythm, and a meaning, to one’s life.
Managing free time after retirement
Even the management of free time (or “freed” time) requires some training. In the first weeks of retirement the temptation, sometimes healthy, other times less so, is to be filled with commitments. «I signed up for a yoga course, a creative writing course and I’m taking singing lessons»
says Isabella Borghi, 64 years old, former employee. «Maybe I’ll even go back to school. When I was young I wasn’t able to continue my studies, now I would like to catch up.”
On purpose: the University of Salento has launched a program dedicated to students over 65to encourage registrations. They will all pay 500 euros in university fees (regardless of income) and will have dedicated tutors.
The fear of “no longer being useful” for anything
Carla Ruggi, from Pistoia, lawyer, she became a volunteer in a center that welcomes women victims of domestic violence. “I no longer have the thrill of the court, but I can help other women.”
But Sinatra observes, “As a coach I happen to meet several women who feel cramped, a sort of horror of invisibility.” At work, in fact, one experiences a visibility that is not only linked to the very concept of being seen by someone and seeing people, but also of being recognized because you are useful for something, or to someone. «Then the horror becomes “terror” in some pensioners is that of “not serving”».
«I started making the list of things I would do as soon as I retired when I was not yet forty. I wanted to travel to Asia, dedicate myself to painting. Now, however, I don’t care about anything, I feel empty” says Mariangela Zucchi. Her life was always lived at high intensity. «Head nurse in an obstetrics department, without knowing the difference between holidays and weekdays, I put the needs of others before my own. And today I no longer know why, and for whom, to get out of bed.”
Being a grandmother is a job, “part time” is fine
Speaking of “serving” and “being useful” to someone, grandchildren and non-self-sufficient elderly people they could, in some circumstances, engulf or enrich (depending on your point of view) the new everyday life. Among other things, as Bankitalia recently documented, with a report entitled Parental retirement and fertility decisions across family policy regimes (Parental retirement and fertility decisions in family policy regimes), in Italy there are many families in which the choice to have a child is influenced by the retirement age of the future grandparents.
The new element brought by today’s sixty-year-olds, especially those who have fought tooth and nail to free themselves from pre-set destinies, or to reach important levels of responsibility and degrees of economic independence, is the fact that not everyone is so enthusiastic about the idea of caring for their grandchildren full time.
Avoid the moral trap of sacrifice
“My mother-in-law retired when my daughter was born.” Eloisa Burioli, 36 years old, tells it. «She was very happy, but she made it clear to us that she would not like to dedicate herself to caring for the newborn every day. It cost her a lot to tell us. She feared that we underestimated her love for her.” And instead Eloisa has
fully supported the choice. «It was hers the first generation of women whose destiny was not necessarily to take full care of the home, the children, the elderly. As mothers first, then as grandmothers, today’s pensioners can do something else. They can be something else, avoiding the trap
morality of sacrifice”.
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