Men cry on average six to twelve times a year, according to research by crying professor Ad Vingerhoets from Hilvarenbeek. That is five to ten times less than women. Vingerhoets did years of research into crying for the university in Tilburg. In a new episode of the podcast Op De Man Af, he explains where that barrier comes from for men.
“Real men do cry,” said Vingerhoets. “But the fact is that they cry much less than women.” For example, research by the crying professor shows that men cry on average six to twelve times a year. For women, this is on average twenty-five to sixty times a year.
According to him, this has several causes. “Biologically speaking, it appears that testosterone has an inhibiting influence on crying behavior,” Vingerhoets explains to journalists Eva de Schipper and Evie Hendriks in the Omroep Brabant podcast Towards the Man.
The differences in crying between men and women are therefore greatest in the age category 15 to 30 years. That changes as men get older. “The older men get, the more their testosterone levels drop. This makes it easier for them to cry.”
According to him, reasons for crying also play a role. In times of loss, heartbreak and homesickness, Vingerhoets sees that both men and women cry equally. When powerlessness occurs, women cry more often. “If a man stands by the road with a flat tire, he is more likely to curse. If the same happens to a woman, she is more likely to cry out of helplessness.”
“Failure or exclusion is more reason to cry.”
The crying professor’s research also shows that women cry more quickly in arguments and conflict situations. “For men, failure or exclusion appears to be more reason to cry.” Another important factor is that women are more likely to expose themselves to emotional situations. Think of watching emotional films and books and the types of conversations with friends, for example, are often different.
“I have yet to meet the first man who says: tonight there will be a nice whining film on TV,” laughs Vingerhoets. According to him, this has everything to do with social pressure on men. “That is not only due to, for example, parents who are more likely to tell their son would say that he should not cry except to their daughter. Peers also have a great influence. If a boy loses at marbles, he may be less likely to cry because he is afraid of being bullied.”
Because of this pressure, some men prefer to avoid emotional situations. Yet it is a myth that men don’t cry at movies. “Men are more likely to shed a tear at war films, for example, where self-sacrifice and brotherhood are central.”
“I prefer to cry between six and ten o’clock at night.”
Yet there are also similarities between men and women. For example, in the favorite time and location to cry. Vingerhoets compared ten thousand crying episodes and it shows that we prefer to cry between six and ten o’clock in the evening, alone or in the presence of our romantic partner or mother.
This story is part of a story series for the Omroep Brabant podcast Op De Man Af. In this podcast, journalists Eva de Schipper and Evie Hendriks work their way through the man’s mind. They do this by having honest conversations with men from young to old, by questioning the men in their own lives, by secretly listening in with men and by looking critically at themselves. Reporter René Snippert helps the ladies by exploring the market for men and self-development.
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