Everyone has found in their life some difficult situation that we have not known well how to communicate to others. Have afraid that they judge us, that they distance themselves from us or that they get scared. When these difficult situations happen when we have sons and daughters and we have to tell them about it, that fear increases.
What should we do in these situations? Hide reality from them or tell them the truth and accompany their emotions? Our experts have it clear.
We should never hide difficult situations from our children
Our sons and daughters are going to encounter difficulties in life, no one is exempt from them. Knowing how to face and manage these situations is learned from a young age. Therefore, complex situations that occur in the family should not be hidden. “Hide reality from them is not a good option. Children should not be shielded from difficulties, we must give them tools to deal with them. A shared emotional reality strengthens ties and allows a greater unity in the family in difficult situations”, explains the expert psychologist in emotional intelligence Begoña Ibarrola.
Sara Andrés, teacher and Paralympic athlete, told us at our last event how she has learned over the years that we should not hide the bad things that happen to us.
We believe that it is better to hide the difficulties that come our way in life. Above all, we want to hide it from the little ones because of the prejudices we have about how they will react. But they are nothing more than that, prejudices. This is how Sara related it: “We always educate thinking that everything good is going to happen to us. And it’s great, and it’s like that, and you have to be positive, you don’t have to be negative. But you also have to be realistic. I think we are doing wrong by hiding reality from our children, from our students. That’s why when I first lost my feet and went to school, I hid what I was and now I am, well, half a woman, half a robot. And I hid it, and I realized that what I had was a prejudice that the children saw me with fear or with fear. It was really my prejudice. The moment I put on a short skirt or shorts, I realized that the fear was in me, that the children were not afraid of me, that they understood much better what a person with disability & rdquor ;.
What we must do is explain it to the little ones in a simpler way so that they can understand the situation. To do this, we can make use of a language or also of stories and tales. “It is necessary for children to know what is happening, of course with words and information adapted to their age and level of understanding. The first thing we can do is tell them what is happening in the form of a story, even allowing them to complete it or change it accordingly. function of your imagination,” says Ibarrola.
How to accompany your emotions
Each child will react differently to the situation. On most occasions, you may experience emotions that we consider negative, such as fear, anger or sadness. Given this, Ibarrola expresses that, regardless of the emotion they have, we must accompany them in what they feel. “When your children feel overwhelmed by emotions, what we must do as fathers and mothers is, calmly, wait and help them come out, but not join their chaos, which they often cause us. If they feel your accompaniment, if they feel that you legitimize that emotion and that you do not want to take it away from them as soon as possibleit’s tremendously important to them because they feel respected and they in turn are going to do the same when they have children.”
We summarize these tips to be able to face difficult situations with your children:
- Give them the news in a calm moment
- Use simple language or resort to stories
- Legitimize and accompany them in their emotions
- Allow us to express our emotions
- Answer your questions and doubts
- Talk about it naturally once the family knows about it
- Seek professional help if we do not know how to manage it