In the printed media there have been some examples of quite embarrassing video game advertisements between the 1990s and the 2000s. Here are the “best” examples.
These days, ads often look like exercises in cinematography, rather than actually showcasing the game you might want to buy. Sparkling movies alternate on the big screen, and we just have to wonder what game it is and how it really is.
Video Games and Advertising —
Whether you think today’s ads are good or not, there’s no doubt they’re better now than they once were. At the time, advertisements were almost entirely reserved for printed paper and, moreover, it was very rare that they had screenshots of the game in question, given that usually controversial and eye-catching images were opted for.
If you’re wondering what these ads looked like, you’ve come to the right place: we’ve rounded up some of the ads that appeared in print media in the 90s, 2000s and beyond, and they’re a feast for the eyes… in a way. Yes because, as you will see, some of these ads were controversial or even disgusting on purpose, and wouldn’t even exist by today’s standards. Are you still interested? Congratulations on the liver.
Crash Bandicoot 2 (1997)
This Crash Bandicoot 2 ad is the perfect synthesis of print video game ads from the 90s. There are people half naked in plain sight and, for some reason, the protagonist of the video game all smiles among them. This one in particular flips gender because the people above are men and not women, but we get the hang of it.
Not only does Crash stand out because of his large cardboard head, but also because, if you’ve ever played Crash Bandicoot, you’ll know that he always skips leg day, something these gentlemen clearly would never, ever do. Credit to Naughty Dog, though: Both Crash and the Bodybuilders have remarkable pecs and are orange.
Game Boy Pocket (1997)
We really don’t know why those responsible for this marketing campaign thought it was a nice way to let us know about the release of the Game Boy Pocket in six different colors, but maybe that’s what happened. Bill: “We have to publicize the fact that the Game Boy Pocket is coming in six different colors.” Jeff: Why don’t we build a wall of meat? Bill: “a what?”. Jeff: “a wall of flesh, with six colored tongues of different colors that emerge from as many holes. And let’s make sure the yellow one is obscenely long, like Gene Simmons’.
Bill: “And the transparent one? How will people see it?” Jeff: “We make it so that everyone can see the innards. Easy”. Bill: “You’re the boss, Jeff.” In this scenario, Jeff had to be a marketing bigwig and Bill a subordinate of his who was eager for some missteps to steal his job. At least, that’s what we hope happened because, Jeff, frankly…
Rayman 3 (2003)
In this very…subtle commercial for the third Rayman, we can see four gentlemen marveling at Rayman’s genitals at the urinals, because, as the tagline suggests, Rayman has “huge features”. However, the first thing one wonders when looking at the image is not whether these features are really huge, but whether they are attached to the body or not.
From the petrified look on the gentlemen’s faces, we can guess the answer. But does all of this make us want to play Rayman 3: Hoodlum Havoc? Not exactly. We’ve never played it [malissimo, ndR], but we don’t think it included any kind of nudity. This publicity has allowed us to discover the existence of Rayman 3, however, so mission accomplished.
Ballz 3D: Battle of the Ballz (1994)
For those who haven’t played Ballz 3D: Battle of the Ballz, it was a 3D fighting game for the Sega Mega Drive and SNES that attracted attention at the time because it was one of the few Mega Drive/Genesis games to be in 3D. Certainly it wasn’t thanks to this advertisement, since it was a gimmick… boring by the distributor of the time.
Other than the tiny screenshots in the three corners, this ad doesn’t show the slightest hint of gameplay. On the contrary, let us know that Ballz – a short form of Ballz 3D: Battle of the Ballz – is now available. Obviously, the idea was to play with the double meaning, if there really is another. Unfortunately, this publicity did not help the game to be successful in any way, also because it was quite cheesy, frustrating and difficult to play.
Playstation Vita (2012)
This promo suggests that touching a PlayStation Vita is on the same level of enjoyment as touching a woman with breasts both on her chest and shoulders. That could be true because, while the woman has a custom-designed dress to accentuate her deformity, she’s likely to walk around in a T-shirt all the time and appear to have some sort of hunchback. She is probably aware of this and is insecure because of her second set of breasts, and there is no doubt that she suffers from back pain all the time because of them.
Similarly, playing games that require you to use the rear touchpad on PS Vita is anything but enjoyable. Many games that took advantage of the back panel required you to use it simultaneously with the face buttons, which provided a level of coordination that most humans do not have. And in fact, many had to put the console on their legs to try, before giving in to frustration and turning it off permanently.
Game Boy (1990)
Another commercial that tells nothing but the truth, because playing a Game Boy is actually more fun than having a ferret down your pants. Can you imagine the claws and bites in the lower parts? Not a big competitor to the Game Boy, let’s face it.
What confuses us more is that the gentleman in the photo is both playing the Game Boy and stuffing a ferret down his pants. This suggests that the Game Boy is in no way a substitute for tucking a furry friend into your jeans, it could at best be complementary… And that brings us back to the original idea: it’s a really good idea to suggest that for a full Game Boy experience Boy do you need a ferret in your pants?
PlayStation Portable (2006)
The imagery here is certainly powerful. The photography, choreography, costumes and models are all fantastic. It is undoubtedly a very well thought out idea, perhaps with the afterthought of depicting the racial injustices present in so many modern societies. It is an image with a vision. That vision was of course not to show how black people have suffered at the hands of white people for centuries, but to tell everyone that the PSP would now come in a white colorway.
The models and the photographer probably didn’t even know what this image was going to be used for. But the marketing managers surely knew. And what makes it even more incredible is that the advertisement in question allegedly passed through dozens of hands before ending up on a promotional billboard. What they were thinking remains a mystery to this day.
Written by Georgina Young for GLHF