THERene is in middle school and, like her three best friends, her head is full of dreams. The last one, the one that excites her most, is becoming a classical dancer, flying following the music. One day, however, she suddenly disappears into thin air. The only trace: tutus and shoes abandoned in the park. After long searches her companions find her in tears: she became too tall and round to play the swan in the dance recital. Her friend Alice consoles her: «We teenagers are in the middle age. Even if we don’t know it, we shed our skin every day and are reborn.”
The beautiful tale of Emanuela Nava The middle ageillustrated by Marco Brancato (published by Carthusia with the collaboration of the Bet She Can Foundation), delicately recounts the difficult relationship between adolescence and the body. A conflict that has always been there: who has never felt like they were a few kilos too many or too few, who has never hated pimples or, horror, glasses? Parents sighed “it will pass” and very often, in fact, it passed without leaving too many scars.
Today the matter is more complex, the disturbances deeper, the anxieties more exasperated. He locked himself in his room already in middle school, alone with a cell phone as a (presumed) friend. Irene’s story ends well: she will discover that there are other paths, he will no longer fly on stage but with his imagination and write poetry. She will be reborn different, stronger. But it doesn’t always happen and sometimes, when it does, the price is very high.
A thoughtful teenager. (Getty Images)
Adolescents: the body is the canvas, the painting is the identity
Teenagers are sick, the long wave of Covid is still being felt. According to the latest investigation Adolescents and the future created by Laboratorio Adolescence and IARD research institute, in 2023 for 52.4 percent of them the future is uncertain and worrying: between wars, natural disasters, environmental degradation, it is difficult for them to believe that the tomorrow we are preparing for them is rosy. The result is that 64 percent feel sad and 38 know peers who commit acts of self-harm. In this picture so full of shadows, the relationship with the body cannot help but be affected: 40 percent of boys (and 50 percent of girls) don’t like themselves, and as they grow up they like themselves even less. This negative perception is influenced by friends – 47 percent – but much more by influencers, who inspire 72 percent of the youngest.
«The body is the canvas on which adolescents build the picture, that is, their own identity» underlines Stefano Rossi, educational psychologist, who has just published Lessons of love for a child (Feltrinelli Urra). «But this experimentation, in today’s society that focuses on performance, doesn’t work. Raised on YouTube videos, crushed by the weight of social expectations, i kids are afraid of not meeting the expectations of their parents and social media. Once when they behaved badly they were punished and that was it. Today the sense of inadequacy never gives peace, it is more insidious; this is why adolescents are fragile.”
A never natural beauty
The body becomes an obsession. Photoshop standards are impossible to reach and never mind if they are unrealistic. When the confusion between real and virtual is complete, the two levels mix. «It has now been proven that 40 percent of girls under 16 with a social profile develop problematic anxiety regarding their body image» claims Alberto Pellai, doctor and developmental psychotherapist, author, together with his wife Barbara Tamborini, of the bestseller The age of the tsunami (De Agostini).
«The problem is that this beauty, so ostentatious and so driven by the market, is never natural. There is a lot of work behind it, always with the aim of increasing popularity and followers. I accompanied my daughter to a party of fourteen year olds and I was very impressed, because they were all perfect. But How much effort does it take to keep two bodies together, the real one and the virtual one? Scientific research is clearly demonstrating that the only way out is to delay the age of access to social media.”
Adolescents: the risk is ending up hurting themselves
When you look in the mirror and don’t accept yourself as you are, when you try at all costs to transform yourself to pursue very high standards and you fail, the risk is that you end up hurting yourself. «Introducing substances such as alcohol or cutting yourself are ways to mess with the body and not feel emotions”, says Francesca Prosperini, psychologist coordinator of the Tree House. «You move emotional pain towards the physical, thinking you can manage it, it is the same psychological mechanism that is also triggered in those who refuse food. Those who hurt themselves, through self-harm or fasting, delude themselves into making contact with themselves and thus think they can recover. When you are fragile, there is nothing more gratifying than treating someone badly. In this case, you treat your body badly. An error that can have serious consequences.”
Moms in bikinis, dads with the “turtle”
The video clearly shows it countryside The cost of beautylaunched by Dove together with Cittadinanzattiva and Social Warning: follows the growth of Mary, a beautiful, blonde, happy little girl until, at the age of 12, she receives a cell phone as a gift. Since then she withdraws into herself, she spends her time watching influencers measuring their hips and breasts and advertising shock diets to lose weight. Mary – the story is true – stops eating, she ends up in hospital. Luckily, the ending gives hope: she will emerge from this bad experience healthy and aware.
«The campaign wants to make people understand how an exaggerated use of social media can have serious consequences on the mental health of adolescents» says Anna Lisa Mandorino, general secretary of Cittadinanzattiva. «A post-pandemic investigation shows that 44 percent of young people between 11 and 19 use social media unlimitedly. With The cost of beauty we want to raise public awareness by also launching a petition that can be signed at banquets in the main Italian cities – on 14 and 15 October we will be in Milan – and on Change. org: we ask that at school, as part of civic education hours, an in-depth course on the conscious use of social media is followed, and that teachers and parents are trained. Furthermore we will make a service available on WhatsApp to collect reports and respond to requests for help, available to children and families.”
Testimonials yes, influencers no
School has a very important role: according to Pellai it would be very useful to bring children «testimonies of adults who have not put the body at the center of the construction of their identity. Maybe they took care of it, but without being obsessed with it. Testimonials opposite to those of influencers, who work spasmodically on the image to attract likes.” The problem, however, is that not all adults – therefore not even parents – have a resolved relationship with the bodythey live well inside.
“We need to start by working on them: men and women who, not having focused on their inner life, have thrown themselves outward, to imitate presumed models of perfection.” Underweight mothers perpetually in bikinis on Ig, fathers with their “tortoise” on display, how can they help teenagers to have a balanced relationship with a changing body? «Only adults at peace with themselves can be an example for their children» claims Pellai.
We need to transform the inner bully into a friend
But let’s say that the parents are balanced and aware, and are looking for an effective channel of communication with the adolescent (and have also lowered their demands, because as long as you expect a child to shine with his own light, you are certainly not helping him to calm the anxiety). What to do? Stefano Rossi uses an image: «Every teenager is a little crooked, like the tower of Pisa. Our task is not to straighten him, but to love him in his inclination. Every child already understands from the look if the parent is chasing an idealized expectation or if he believes in him or her. And every parent should question their own gaze.”
Another suggestion concerns the “inner bully”, «that voice that says “you’re not beautiful enough”, “no one will love you”» continues Rossi. «It is important to make it clear that the bully never disappears, but what matters is learning to recognize it and transform it. If the bully tells you ‘you won’t make it’, your inner friend tells you ‘it will be hard but you will make it'”. No sermons, mums and dads. Rather, sit next to your children, “and give them not easy answers but questions”. If a mind is critical, open, empathetic, it will learn to accept itself with all its inclinations.
A Citadel for kids at risk
There will be large outdoor spaces for relaxing and “decanting”, for playing sports and gardening. In the workshops you will learn a trade, and those who have fallen behind in school will have the opportunity to catch up. The Children’s Citadel, just inaugurated in San Vittore Olona (Milan), in a large historic residence surrounded by a park, it is a multifunctional day center for children with psycho-social fragilities. It is managed by the Cooperativa sociale Piccolo Principe Onlus of Busto Arsizio (among the financiers are the Santo Versace Foundation and Dolce&Gabbana), which already has other communities under its belt, including the Casa sull’Arber, a daytime socio-health centre.
«The Citadel is inspired by this model» says Francesca Prosperini, psychologist and coordinator of the Tree House: «We welcome children with psychiatric pathologies, depressed people, with risky behavior or problematic families. The objective is to recover the interrupted growth paths, working across the board: we do reintegration into school, individual and group psychotherapy, recreational and rehabilitative activities – sports such as fencing and martial arts – outings with environmental associations, trips, work placement workshops through manual activities, such as carpentry, in tandem with professional bodies. If we help children to broaden their skills, relationships with peers and adults improve. They are less body-centered and feel less alone. And they are more willing to listen.” © ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
A project by Paolo Kessisoglu’s association for fragile adolescents
It will be inaugurated by the end of the year at the Niguarda hospital in Milan “There is work to be done… Safe Teen”, a high-intensity multidisciplinary clinic for young people with psychological and neuropsychiatric fragilities. It is coordinated by the Child and Adolescent Neuropsychiatry department. Thanks to a new protocol, meetings with specialists will be more frequent than usual, and will also involve parents. We plan to start by welcoming 7-10 teenagers and then expand the service.
The project follows another already started at the Gaslini hospital in Genoa dedicated to young people in social retreat, for whom home visits by psychologists are expected. “There is work to be done… Safe Teen” will be presented on 11 October at the Sala delle Colonne of Banco BPM in Milan. For those who want to contribute, a fundraiser is already open on the site cedafare. organd a comedy show is scheduled for October 19th at the Varese Theater with the founder of the association, Paolo Kessisoglu, and other artists.
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