These are:
1) Secret: Silence is used as a manipulation tool, generating feelings of fear and guilt. The aggressor appeals to these emotions because they are very primitive and exist in any child (this is the age at which guilt/empathy/registration of the other develops), the worst threat being the loss of love that makes them feel safe. Faced with the threat, fear wins, and the aggressor plays a perverse game: “if you keep quiet I protect you, if you speak you break up the family and they will stop loving you.” Thus he manages to convince the boy that he is responsible for breaking her family or keeping it together. Values are changed. Now lying and hiding is a way to protect! A circuit begins in which the child avoids building bonds with others so as not to shoulder responsibilities.
2) Lack of protection / Defenselessness: In our culture, children are taught to trust close adults, so being attacked by one of them generates insurmountable feelings of vulnerability. When the very person who should be protecting him is the one doing the abuse, she will feel extreme helplessness. The manipulation ends in “strangers are unreliable and acquaintances hurt me.” The child is already absolutely alone.
3) Entrapment/adaptation: As the abuse is usually within the family, it ends up being perpetuated over time. The continuous exposure to it generates the development of defenses to adapt to the situation. It is adapted as a method of survival. He begins to split and depersonalize in order to tolerate it.
4) Delayed Disclosure: At some point you feel like you can start talking. The problem is when you doubt his sayings. The perceived distrust/disbelief confirms that the offender was right: “nobody will believe you”, “they will not love you”, “you will destroy the family”. Thus, the abuse continues in secret and sometimes the child begins to doubt his judgement/conscience.
5) Retraction: If the above happens, they frequently retract. Faced with an indifferent, zero or scant response, he may end up stating that he invented, lied, assuming the role of “liar” but maintaining an apparent harmony and stability in his family. In these cases, we add the danger of actions (self-harm, cutting, etc.).
In conclusion: The stages through which an abused child goes through have repercussions on the experiences of suffering and on the construction of the psychic/emotional apparatus, disturbing the development of adequate defenses and possibly their future.
If you suspect that someone is in a situation of abuse, ask for specialized and professional help to address the situation delicately.
Dr. Pía M. Roldán Viesti
Lawyer T°92 F°959 CPACF
MN psychologist. 57,457
President and Founder of EUTI
https://www.instagram.com/piamartina.ok/
https://www.eutisalud.com/
[email protected]
by CEDOC