D.elitto Del Pozzo. Martina Patti, 23, killed her 5-year-old daughter Elena with 11 stab wounds. A terrible crime that each of us wonders about. Who is a mother wonders, perhaps, a little more.
“I think mothers need to be reassured above all,” she says Claudio Mencacci, Psychiatrist, President of the Italian Society of Neuropsychopharmacology: «The Del pozzo crime matured in a problematic context, we should have been alarmed a long time ago. Nothing suddenly clicks: Martina Patti’s is a long story of lack of control, a long chain of actions that go beyond the resentment that any mother can harbor towards her child“.
The Del Pozzo crime and the isolation of a mother
The child was mistreated and many closed their eyes, the social services did not intervene as they should: “The company’s surveillance system is really underactive if there are cases such as the Del Pozzo crime: it is not a question of confidentiality but of total isolation of that couple, mother-daughter, within the home “, says Mencacci.
Children, battlefields between parents
It seems that the little girl at the center of the Del Pozzo crime was killed by her mother out of jealousy of her former partner who had rebuilt a life. “But the little ones become battlefields between parents even in united couples», Explains the psychiatrist, and also in situations less” on the verge “of the one that led to the murder. “But we are not all potential killers, of course we must ask for help before situations of discontrol prevail.”
The signals to be grasped and which must be alarmed
What, then, are the signs to understand if a mother is facing a “normal” situation or if something is getting out of hand, and to what extent? “Children are adept at arousing emotions, even negative ones»Explains Mencacci. “Anger is a normal feeling, therefore, but it must be managed and explained, to oneself and to the child. Teaching to understand emotions is part of education, after all: it is true even when they are the emotions of a mother. A mother must be able to tell her child that she felt disappointed, for example, by explaining the whole range of sensations that lie within the emotion of anger. “
On the verge of a nervous breakdown, but no further
Fear, anxiety, anger, irritation can be everyday feelings. Every mother knows this. “But they must not overflow: feeling on the verge of a nervous breakdown, on a tightrope, is very common. We must avoid going over the edge, the thread, the limit. Avoid getting overwhelmed»Warns the professor.
Defusing the tension: how do you do it?
There has also been much talk of Martina Patti’s loneliness: «It is important that those around a mother take steps to support her. But also that you find channels that allow her to lower the level of tension: a phone call with a friend or a dip in the pool may be enough, ”explains the psychiatrist. «Every woman must be able to find her own comfort zone to stop the moment of anger or difficulty. The waves are there, you have to seek shelter before being submerged ».
A mother must be able to confront
If the job of mother is difficult, the most powerful weapon that must be available to all is confrontation: a friend, family, social network or the support of a therapist are therefore indispensable tools for dealing with crises that may occur. Mencacci warns: «Otherwise loneliness can become a refuge. And a kind of enjoyment of the lack of comparison can even arise: in isolation, however, even more ghosts and more enemies are generated. Yes, this is dangerous ».
iO Donna © REPRODUCTION RESERVED