bhello Ester, I’m C., I want to talk to you about the my last heartbreaking and devastating loveI know this girl through a dating app, 15 years and 80 km of “difference” between me and her, perhaps the only thing that has never really created problems in this relationship, neither one nor the other, at the beginning everything was fine, she was dynamic, intelligent, enterprising, splendid sex, everything I wanted after years of “wandering” and little substance . I looked at her and saw my revenge from a failed marriage, while maintaining excellent relations with the mother of my son (which will then become a problem…..). Yes a problem because over time, almost four years to be precise, I then found myself in a obsessive whirlwind of jealousy, insulting tantrums, and indescribable violence.
An intolerable jealousy
A world opens up to me, and at the same time it collapses, because I understand that unfortunately there relationship is unsustainable, constant tantrums, waking up in the middle of the night with absurd questions and requests, cheating allegations etc. non-existent, constant phone/social media check, every like a problem and a controversy, a continuous push and pull until after the umpteenth absurd scenes involving my family, company employees and whoever has the most, cut the rope, we don’t feel like they have ever existed for each other, the absurd thing is the lack of this person, the lack of that hurricane in the my life, I loved her with all my heartI gave my all, resisting and enduring insults absurd scenes everywhere, even bad words towards my son (madness)……. And then….. why do we only remember the beautiful things when I would perhaps have more ugly things?!? How to get out of this hellish grip??
Forgive the outburst, but I always read you with interest and esteem so I can vent to you, I hope you can help me, I embrace you, C.
Read all the episodes of Ester Viola’s column Defective Relationships here.
Esther Viola’s answer
Dear C,
Maximum avoid derailments. One thinks that in cases like yours the only sensible thing to do is to run away, change the telephone number, cut the bridges and the electricity wires, then go to San Gennaro, light a candle and say thank you.
Instead, the nervous system is lost under these uncontrollable tools. You attack. Think about it. Time makes even battlefields poetic, mad things.
The issue is one that I have no material for, citations, vintage Roths to help. Maybe in LPortnoy’s catkin there was a similar story. It ends with him, the protagonist, in an interminable session of laments. Maybe two slaps are needed, C.?
It’s not just jealousy
Yours is a common story. to become attached to the jailer, usual weakling practice. Often reversed in the female part. That of those who, after a few normal engagements, look forward to a Nino Sarratore to go through some trouble and see how strong and brainless love is like (disgusting, how must it be?).
So, after a bit of fun (very little) and big headaches, lSurvival instinct tells you to survive and get out of the way. The outcome is the same for everyone: you do the math and the crazy big love one gets it out of the way, with minimal renunciation and proportional damage to the structure.
Love is never having to say I’m sorry, that one said. Love after a while also becomes never having to ask “what are you doing?”.
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