It wasn’t exactly a night full of surprises. Nikki Glaser once again shone as a presenter. Timothée Chalamet won for Marty Supreme. Jennifer Lopez looked even younger than the last time she was seen. “Adolescence” and “The Pitt” won big. But the 83rd Golden Globe Awards was once again that rare awards ceremony that didn’t feel like a mandatory event.
The acceptance speeches were crisp, the comedy bits barely dragged on. And no one had to wade through categories like Best Sound Mix (sorry, sound engineers). In a notable departure from usual routine, there were hardly any political protests or even any indication that the world was burning. Except for the “Be Good” pins that many guests wore in memory of anti-ICE activist Renee Nicole Good.
Instead, the mood seemed focused on keeping everything as light as possible. The show was full of fun moments. From general euphoria about Queen Latifah to a wonderfully random standing ovation for Julia Roberts. Here are our highlights and lowlights of the evening.
Best: Nikki Glaser claims her title as Globes queen
“Just like Frankenstein, I was stitched up by an unlicensed European surgeon,” said host Nikki Glaser, opening her second confidently casual Golden Globes monologue masterpiece in a row. She asked George Clooney to fix her Nespresso machine. She found a fresh approach to roasting Leonardo DiCaprio for his perpetually under-30 partners, noting: “We don’t know anything else about you, man! Come on! I did some research – the most in-depth interview you ever gave was in Teen Beat magazine in 1991.”
She got Sean Penn to laugh at the suggestion that he now looked like a “sexy leather handbag.” She took a swipe at the Bari-Weiss-ized CBS News – of all the channels that broadcast the Globes: “The award for the strongest editing goes to CBS News.” She claimed that “Hamnet” was “actually the original name of Spanx.” And finally she thanked Steve Martin and Martin Short for “proving to us that in this industry you are never, ever too old to still need money.” —Brian Hiatt
Best: Teyana Taylor loses her temper
The first Golden Globe of the evening went to Teyana Taylor for her role as Perfidia Beverly Hills in Paul Thomas Anderson’s “One Battle After Another.” She looked genuinely shocked when her name was called and couldn’t hold back tears as she addressed the room. “Oh my God!” she said. “I almost didn’t write a speech because I didn’t think I’d be standing here.”
“My babies are upstairs watching. They should put the fuck down on their phones and watch me now!” She caught herself just enough to thank everyone involved in the film in breathless succession – including Paul “Let Him Cook” Thomas Anderson – before closing with a message: “To my brown sisters and the little brown girls watching tonight: Our light doesn’t need permission to shine. We belong in every room we enter. Our voices matter. Our dreams deserve space.” —Andy Greene
WTF: Play-by-play commentary from the sidelines
We’re all for trying new things to shake up the awards show format. But the producers of this year’s Globes clearly misfired when they resorted to sports broadcasts. Longtime entertainment journalists Marc Malkin and Kevin Frazier were positioned to the side of the stage to provide live commentary as the winners walked to their prizes or before commercials (“I can’t wait for George and Julia!”).
The idea was obviously to fill idle space and throw in a few jokes or interesting facts. But this isn’t a dog show or a hockey game. Together with the Google Maps-like overlay that marked where the actors were sitting in the audience (Oh, that’s where Mark Ruffalo is sitting? Great!), it’s safe to say that not every well-intentioned experiment works. —AG
Best: “Sinners” wins the audience award
It’s easy to raise a skeptical eyebrow at the very existence of this newly introduced award – after all, it’s limited to films that have grossed more than $150 million. But the win of the boldest nominated film, Ryan Coogler’s “Sinners,” with its unique blend of vampires, blues and black history, makes it all worth it.
In his acceptance speech, Coogler thanked the audience “for coming” – making it clear that he himself was not sure whether his risk would work. -BRA
WTF: Bobby Cannavale skips the show for a reptile fair
From the unexpected comedy department: When Rose Byrne won best actress in a musical or comedy series for her harrowing portrayal of a mother in crisis in “If I Had Legs I’d Kick You,” there was no trace of her partner Bobby Cannavale at the table. Was he sick? One thought. Was it filming in a remote location? No and no.
At the end of her heartfelt and emotional speech, Byrne solved the mystery: “My husband couldn’t be here because we’re getting a bearded dragon,” she said. “And he’s at a reptile show in New Jersey, so thanks, honey.” That wasn’t a joke. Repticon actually took place this weekend at the New Jersey Convention and Exposition Center in Edison. Good for Bobby. The Golden Globes take place every year. Repticon may never come back. —AG
Best: Matt Remick really wins a Golden Globe
Before Seth Rogen played hapless, over-ambitious studio boss Matt Remick, he rarely won awards. It was all the better to see his winning streak for “The Studio” continue. Rogen brought his rumpled charm to the stage, joking that he always thought the only way to a Golden Globe was to write it into his own series (see: Episode Eight).
He then thanked his fellow nominees in his own unique way: “Especially Steve Martin and Martin Short – I remember growing up with you and thinking my whole life, ‘One day I’m going to beat you.'” —BH
Worst: A UFC gag goes completely wrong
After an irritating pause in the show – several seconds of no music, no commentary, no one on stage – an announcer announced the arrival of “security” for Heated Rivalry stars Hudson Williams and Connor Storrie. Suddenly, under flashing lights and cheesy guitar riffs, two UFC fighters (or so we think) strutted onto the stage… and just as quickly disappeared again, apparently full of remorse.
Completely bizarre. Luckily, Williams and Storrie recaptured the moment before you could think about it for too long. -BRA
Best: Nikki Glaser roasts podcasts — and the Globes celebrate her
Nicole Kidman’s AMC commercial “We Make Movies Better” is now five years old and has been parodied by everyone from Saturday Night Live to Morgan Freeman at Kidman’s AFI tribute night. However, Glaser brilliantly continued the gag by moving the scene from a closed AMC theater to her SUV.
There, she raved about the transcending power of podcasts while simultaneously fast-forwarding through annoying ads, listening to Will Arnett and Jason Bateman talk about their favorite cookies on SmartLess, and Gwyneth Paltrow revealed that she recently had dinner at 5:45 p.m. on Good Hang With Amy Poehler.
“We will not only be entertained,” Glaser said with a serious expression, “but we will be reborn together.” Snoop Dogg then presented the first-ever Best Podcast award to Amy Poehler. “I know I’m new to this business,” she said. “I have a lot of respect for this form. A lot of respect for everyone I was nominated with. And I love you all. Except NPR. You’re just a bunch of celebrities doing the whole thing without enthusiasm – so try harder.” —AG
Best: Rhea Seehorn is in the spotlight
She may not have the A-list charisma of some of her colleagues in the room, but few actors have ever had to carry a series as hard as former “Better Call Saul” actress Rhea Seehorn in “Pluribus,” where she plays one of only twelve people on Earth who have retained their individual consciousness.
Her speech was so humane and humble that awards ceremonies rarely experience. “I’ve been to a lot of these parties, and they can be pretty scary for someone like me,” she said, her voice shaking, before thanking the high-profile women in the audience for helping her through awards season. After years of great but often overlooked work, she should prepare to be one of them permanently. -BRA
Worst: Timothée Chalamet plays it surprisingly well
How many personalities does Timothée Chalamet actually have? After saying goodbye to sweet young French Timmy and humble Dylan disciple Timmy, people had just gotten used to the hypebeast Timmy Tim of his crazy Marty Supreme promo tour – dancing to Soulja Boy, hanging out with streamers, wearing neon orange puffer jackets, standing on the Sphere, calling his own performances “top level shit.”
And then, after years of nominations, the man finally wins a well-deserved Golden Globe – and mumbles his way through an almost soporific acceptance speech. Marty Mauser would have been horrified. -BRA