The art of changing: you can improve

The art of changing

They create psychological opportunities, as he explains Katy Milkman, professor at the University of Pennsylvania and author of the book The art of changing (Mondadori). It takes a certain courage to reverse habits, but the idea of ​​a year that begins can represent the fuse that lights the choices. A mental snap. Everyone has their own goals. Among the outbursts of determination, there is room for professional aspirations, resolutions for physical fitness, health goals, promises on the sentimental front, but also the moral guidelines to give to one’s life. In other words, try to become better people.

Enjoy the joy of others

A first attempt may consist in silencing that angry little girl or that capricious boy who occasionally take over within us and make anyone who reaches a goal, even a friend or spouse, gnaw with envy. The opposite sentiment pushes instead to find pleasure in the good fortune of others, a motion that is defined Freudenfreude. The term revolves around the German word Freude: enjoy joy, feel satisfaction when someone is successful, even if it doesn’t involve us directly. «Freudenfreude is like a social glue, it makes relationships stronger and more interesting» explains Catherine Chambliss, professor of psychology at the American Ursinus College.

Jealousy for the achievements of others

its opposite, Schadenfreudeharboring jealousy before the conquests of others, appears disadvantageous not only for building relationships but also for one’s mental health. A small study, published on Psychological science in 2021, looked into the role ofempathy aroused by positive emotionsthat is, the ability to empathize with a beautiful moment crossed by someone else, and showed that can improve personal sense of well-being, encourage kind acts and quell conflicts. It is true that some moments of Schadenfreude can be comforting, for example when the film’s villain gets his comeuppance, or they can strengthen bonds within a group: the classic case is the explosion of happiness among the fans at the defeat of the opponents. Not helping are the whirlpools of malicious and frustrated thoughts that suffocate the mind.

Cleanse yourself of resentment

Research shows consistently that hatred darkens and the same rancor. See a 2017 Korean experiment that monitored the participants’ brain activity and heartbeats while they were led to imagine two polar opposite feelings, gratitude and resentment: it turned out that the former calms and reduces anxiety and that the second increases stress and accelerates heart rate. We should learn from Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë’s Victorian heroine: “Life seems to me too short to spend it hating and reckoning with the wrongs of others.”

The ethical flowering

In working on the ethical flowering of oneself, it is obvious to try to open up to the world, like the petals that open, instead of curling up in one’s own little ego. «Being good is overcoming the force of gravity» wrote Anna Maria Ortese. Perhaps it makes no sense to ask if we are by nature, good, given that we have evolved with the ability to do the best and the worst, but we know that generosity and intelligent altruism make even those who practice them happy. As aspiring sapiens we should remember this.

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