Ten passages from the revealing biography of Maxime Meiland | show

“My bad luck was that I was not prepared for how outrageously men can treat women in that area. I had never met a real straight man at home, so I was naive about men. So you could almost wait for me to run into the wrong one, because little had to happen in that period anyway or I was in misery. Also because I was very much looking for love because of the bullshit at home. Via MSN I got in touch with a boy from Sassenheim who was not at my school, Max. That was a very pleasant contact and at one point he asked if I wanted to send him a nude photo and a nude video. Now you would leave it out of your head, but then no one had ever heard of sexting, so to speak. So what do I do with my stupid head to flatter that boy? I’ll send him a nude video. I was looking for confirmation anyway. (…) And that bastard started blackmailing me with it. (…) I was completely panicked! What was I supposed to do? You don’t go to your mother to pour out your heart or ask for advice, so you try to solve it yourself. My solution was: I’m just going to do what the boy asks.”

“The trouble really started with that video. Things went very badly at school. I blew my mind to death over the weekend. I was drinking a lot. During the week I was on MSN until the middle of the night. I became a nuisance myself. Because if you are being bullied badly, there comes a time when you take action. That is pure survival instinct.”

“Papa’s departure may also have been one of the causes of my misery. I don’t blame him on that front, the only thing I blame him for is that he made Mom burst. He came back and then everything was fine again, but of course something is broken. Let me put it this way: I too finally welcomed him with open arms when he came back. Not at first, because I thought: nice and easy what you do. Leaves again, abandons us again, has seen it in Amsterdam, comes back to us as if nothing is wrong. That made me very angry. I said, “What am I supposed to do with you? I don’t feel like you anymore!” Was he totally upset about it. And then he said something he had never said before: “But Maxime, I love you.” Then it hits you. But there is always an idea in the back of our minds that it could just happen again. That he can just go away again. That fear does weaken the more he hides behind the geraniums, but the feeling doesn’t go away completely. Maybe never.”

“What I also like very badly: if he has been drinking and he is going to harass men who could be his son in terms of age. Of course they like him, because he is Martien Meiland and they all think that’s funny. But then my dad starts flirting with those guys. Then I just want to leave! I think that’s so bad, so embarrassing. But don’t listen then, eh, just keep going. Then my toes are crooked in my shoes of shame. The cause of this, of course, is alcohol. The weak spot of the Meiland family. We have regular conversations with him about this. He drinks a lot.”

“As my eye fell on a bush on the side of a ditch, I noticed that the guy who just got out of prison was following me. He pulled me further behind that bush, lay on his back and pulled me on his waist and started kissing me. All I could feel was horror and fear. He took off my outerwear and opened my bra. At that time I had pads in my bra because I was quite insecure about my cup size. I remember feeling a sense of shame as the pads fell out of my bra. Bizarre of course! He laid me down in the grass and raped me. His saliva dripped down my cheek. I remember well when I looked to the side and saw the sheep walking in the meadow. I will never forget that image in my entire life.”

“It all started very innocently. I actually didn’t do anything at all on those videos and it made good money. But it all went on and on. I started it because I was just curious about it. And at that moment I had no self-esteem at all because of what had happened to me. And I did it for three years, which is a long time for me. You know somewhere that it’s wrong, but you just do it. (…) And there is always a market, because you always keep men who want to look at webcams. So then I decided: that’s what I’m going to do, I’m setting up a company! (…) Divine Live it was called. Divine means heavenly. My mother must have made that name up, she is good at names. Yes, he just thought along with me. She would rather have her daughter behind the camera than in front of it. My parents thought: you work behind the webcam yourself, you see how much supply there is and how much money you can earn. “Girl if you see a future in that, do it!”

“I already knew the name ‘Claire’ from the day I decided I wanted to keep her. I loved the Gooische Vrouwen series. There was a Claire in it and I always thought that was a very nice name. That alcoholic. Instant stamp.”

“All my life I had hoped that one day I would meet someone and I would immediately say: “That’s him!” So this was me. Leroy. His looks, how he talked, how he acted, the common ground, all together made that feeling. Not a moment was awkward, everything was fun. At one point that first evening he sat down next to my mother and said, “It feels like I’ve ended up in a warm bath.” So then it got very late. The next morning they just had to get to work recording that leader. He was outside with the drone. My father and I were in the kitchen. We looked out the window and saw him and Claire, who was crazy about airplanes at the time, standing next to each other. He was explaining everything to her. That was such a beautiful picture. And then I said to my dad, “He’s so cute. This is him!” And my father: “Yes. Yes. Yes! I saw it yesterday!”

“However, at the end of 2020, after three years of radio silence, he suddenly contacted me because he wanted to see her. I was shocked by Typhus! “Hi Maxime, I hope all is well with you and Claire. As you know, I have consciously withdrawn from Claire in recent years, but of course I have seen her in photos before. She looks very pretty and sweet. As you may have heard, I’m more open to meeting Claire now. Provided that is also okay with you, of course, and preferably outside the press. I’d love to hear how you feel about this. Regards, Jaap.” And then I first think: yes, maybe I should be open to that in Claire’s interest. Leroy can get completely stressed out from such a message. He is in total panic, afraid that Jaap will come and take Claire from us. Now, of course, I’m married and I’ve built my own family with Leroy, Claire and Vivé. Now I have reached the point where I think: no, we are not going to do that.”

“We were able to buy it for just under 2.2 million euros. That is, of course, a ridiculous amount for someone my age. That’s why I never thought it would work. So much money! (…) I dived into Excel. What are our expenses? What can I save on? Well, those expenses are quickly dwindling. For example, we had Polish women who came to clean every two weeks. That was already 500 euros a month. (…) And so there were some other things. So then I suddenly came out very well and I thought: it is possible. (…) In order to live here, our lives had to change. Then I just decide: that big new Jeep that I bought last year is going out and I’ll take a second-hand Fiat 500. Not that Audi from Leroy, no. That would be sad for that boy.”

These passages are from Maxime, abused, derailed and now happy…, written by Jan Dijkgraaf (Osjato publishing house) and available now.