“Luglio, with the good that I love you, you will see it will not end… » The ritornello d’antan can also be extended until late August. But when September begins to loom on the horizon, instead, the epilogue is often looming for summer love. For anyone who ever wants to oppose the ominous destiny, and transform the summer flirt into something more, there are the advices of Logan Ury.
From summer love to lasting relationship. Can it? 10 tips
A behavioral scientist, Ury is a dating coach and Director of Relationship Science at Hingethe dating app meant to be cancelled (since it promises to achieve the goal of real and lasting love). So here are his 10 tipselaborated after years spent studying how behaviors and decisions help (or hinder) the search for love.
1. Fleeting or stable love? Set goals
The first advice is to do a preliminary internal work to establish from the outset what goals you want to achieve from a relational point of view. Do you want to have more appointments? Do you want to avoid anxious people who “cling” and prefer to find someone more reliable? Getting in tune with yourself is essential.
2. Turn to friends to be true to yourself
After defining yourself with who you would like to date and what kind of relationship to look for, you can talking with friends, but asking them for support to be consistent with their choices. Their encouragement must be like that of the fans, they are not life coaches.
3. Don’t be afraid to take the first step
The best antidote to dating burnout is being in control of your dating life. And the best way to do it is don’t be afraid to achieve what you want. Text that cute guy. Invite him for ice cream or meet him in the park. You decide the direction: choose to go towards something pleasant.
4. Clear agreements and long relationship
“Green light” for (potential) partners who immediately clarify their intentions. More than half (56%) of Hinge users who have been in a “situationship” (an undefined romantic relationship) said the ambiguity stemmed from not knowing what the other person wanted. Being transparent about your emotions allows you to have the same goals in a relationship. So, if a partner says exactly what they expect, that’s a good sign they want a meaningful connection.
5. Turn virtual flirting into real soon
Going out on a real date is the first step in turning the online match into a real bond. How long to wait? Three days after the match is a good “doneness” (at least according to 62% of Hinge users). Waiting too long risks getting stuck in the “phone zone”, a cycle of messages without ever actually meeting.
6. Admit your emotions
From the very first date, aputfor example, of feeling jittery, is a great strategy. Meanwhile because the other person is likely to feel the same way. You will immediately feel more relaxed. At the beginning of a relationship, you try to impress the other person, sure, but you also try to figure out if you really like each other.
When you feel agitated, useful to shift attention to the other: trying, for example, to immediately isolate at least three things that you like about him.
7. Open up on three key aspects
Many users consider emotional vulnerability the most important quality in finding a potential partner, above even humor and looks. Build a deeper bond with the person in front of you, opening up to you on three key aspects: values, feelings, expectations and fears related to the relationship.
8. Knowing how to listen (with the phone in the bag): the most important rule
Most Hinge users have stated that he wouldn’t go on a second date with someone who, for example, only talks about himself on the first date. Be present and curious, ask questions, make good eye contact and use positive body language, nodding and smiling.
And put your phone away! Repeatedly looking at your phone during a date can short-circuit the emotional connection you are trying to make.
9. Love doesn’t always come from love at first sight
We often talk about the “spark” as that signal that an appointment works. But the spark (or lack thereof) does not necessarily indicate that the person being met is a good or bad match. Rather, it is more important to evaluate whether the conversation was fluid and spontaneous and whether there is a sharing of values.
In some cases, for example, the spark strikes a lot after the first meeting. There is no standard timeline to connect with someone.
10. Prioritize your feelings
We often leave a date asking ourselves: “Will I be liked?” or “Will he want to see me again?” But sometimes we forget to ask the same questions of ourselves. Useful for trying to jot down a list and answering questions such as: “What side of me did this person bring out?”, “What physical sensations did I feel?”, “Did I feel listened to?”.
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