Stfeelings of emptiness and anger. Instability of self-image and affects. Hallucinations and delusions. These are some of the “jokes of the mind” that take place in the head of a stalker: so he tells them Liliana Dell’OssoFull Professor of Psychiatry at the University of Pisa and President Elect of the Italian Society of Psychiatry. One of the meetings of the festival is dedicated to the theme Brain&Cinema created by Viviana Kasam, an event in which nine internationally renowned scientists introduce seven cult films on Jokes of the Mindprecisely (from 27 February to 5 March at the Anteo Spazio Cinema in Milan, here the program). For the meeting dedicated toBitter loveSaturday 4 March, presented by Professor Dell’Osso, the chosen film is Shiver in the nightdirected by Clint Eastwood.
How to tell if a person is a stalker
First, it would be a mistake to imagine the stalker as a “monster” who lives on the margins of society and is recognizable at first glance: «Typically he is a subject with normal intelligence, or even above average» explains Professor Dell’Osso. «As often happens in psychopathology, one of the most important factors precipitating symptoms is the traumatic experience».
The experience of trauma causes him to plummet
These are subjects who have difficulties in interpersonal relationships since childhood. “Their deficits in social-emotional reciprocity can be masked with compensatory mechanisms and go unrecognized.” But in fact they are people who grow up without being able to weave authentic relationships «because of difficulty deciphering the mental states of others (and often one’s own) and, consequently, actually communicating, especially in terms of an emotional exchange».
The psychiatrist then notes that easily a subject «with deficits in communication skills and social relationships will have gone to phenomena of exclusion from the group or even bullying in school age». Behind most stalkers then there is a history of sentimental disappointments: hence the fear of abandonment that pushes the patient to the limit.
When the stalker is a woman
In the classic descriptions, the stalker is more frequently a young male in his 30s, who identifies a woman as a victim. But there are also female stalkers (for example, the stalker in the film is a woman Chills in the nightby Clint Eastwood, trailer below).
«A less recognized phenomenon is because women are generally more adept at dissembling, resulting less striking, both because they are culturally considered more harmless». In other words, a man victim of stalking is led to give less weight to the event, feeling less in danger, even if not necessarily rightly so. Not only that: “A male could avoid reporting, ashamed to show fear towards a woman». What’s more: in the social context in which we live, it is expected that, in order to show his masculinity, men are happy to take advantage of all available partners. “The opposite of the accusing and blaming attitude towards women victims of violence is the minimizing one towards the male victim”, explains Dell’Osso.
The stalker’s personality disorders
Among the personality disorders most often associated with stalking there is, not surprisingly, «borderline disorder. Which is characterized by a constant instability of the self-image, of relationships with others, of emotions, of affections. The individual typically experiences feelings of emptiness and anger, with easy impulsive and self-harming actions. He typically has volatile and intense romantic relationships, with easy idealization of the partner, especially in the initial stages. Self-image instability and empathy deficits lead to a constant fear of being abandoned from others, with desperate efforts to avoid it and sometimes failure to accept a refusalwhich can lead to stalking behavior.
In the mind of a stalker, between delusions and auditory hallucinations
But it’s not just personality disorders. The stalker may also be affected by major psychiatric pathologies, mood disorders or psychotic spectrum disorders. At the basis of the stalker’s actions «there may also be gods real delusions», explains Dell’Osso, «that is, convictions that are incoercible to criticism and which ignore the test of reality». For example, the stalker can be convinced that a person is in love with himeven after clear signals to the contrary.
“Or, conversely, that a person has some kind of role in his life, perhaps even because it is dangerous or wants to harm him, and that for this reason he has to keep it under control. Delusions can also be accompanied by auditory hallucinationstypically commenting voices of a critical or imperative nature, the content of which strongly conditions the patient’s work».
The victims of stalking, between guilt, shame and fear
The feelings of those who are victims of stalking are often similar to those of victims of violence: a sense of guilt and shame that lead to not reporting the fact. “The victim could develop it too trauma and stress-related symptoms, such as a state of constant alarm, intrusive thoughts and avoidance behaviors, dissociative symptoms, emotional dysregulation. It can also become chronic maladaptive impairments of emotion and cognitionincluding the internalization of a negative self-image, distrust of the outside world, feeling of emotional blunting, loss of interest».
Desdemona syndrome: “My stalker loves me”
But there is also another possible reaction, which often occurs in naïve subjects who themselves have socio-communication difficulties: «It is the so-called Desdemona syndromewhich particularly afflicts women who may mistake stalking behavior by their partner as signs of love».
How does a stalker think? From bankruptcy to persecution
Professor Dell’Osso guides us to understand how the stalker, whom she always calls a patient, thinks. «A collection of failures in the relational and sentimental field it can bring a subject who already shows difficulty in identifying with others a refuse an abandonment. Or to close in one imaginary relationship with another person, in some cases even unknown. If more often the latter remains in the mind of the subject, sometimes it can lead to the implementation in reality of first insistent and then persecutory offers. In some cases, feelings of hate against the person concerned or against women in general”.
The justification of the insistent conduct of the male
The psychiatrist recalls how much in our culture, since ancient times, the use of violence to obtain a partner is considered acceptable and even normal: starting with Zeus, a nice adulterer, who typically rapes his “lovers”. «Or to Apollo, who fell in love with the nymph Daphne, ran after her until she, out of desperation, turned into a tree. Yet, he is portrayed as simple in love, and sometimes even the story comes considered romantic». In this cultural context, the insistent conduct of the male can therefore be justified, the rejection by the woman blamed.
The phenomenon of “involuntary celibates” (hostile to women)
«These might seem outdated, but it should be remembered that they are the same cultural basis on which the ideals of the extreme fringes of the “incels”, the subculture of “involuntary celibates”».
It’s about young people who define themselves “unintentionally single”, and which are found in different online communities. Initially born with the purpose of promoting the integration of people with relational difficulties, they have become a meeting place mainly for males. Places inhabited by resentment towards womenin which female refusal is considered an undue act against the subjective right (male) to have a partner and to reproduce.
Act on cultural patterns… and identify potential stalkers first
To stem the phenomenon of stalking, explains the professor, it is “necessary act on the one hand on the cultural model, breaking down those deep-rooted beliefs that favor the phenomenon». Besides of course, “improve the early identification of subjects with relational difficultiesan easy beginning of trajectories which, on the basis of repeated traumas, can lead to frank psychopathology of various types, including stalking behaviours».
More awareness of psychic suffering
In recent years there has been a greater awareness of psychic suffering: «Until some time ago, there were many prejudices against psychiatric illness, which was avoided, and not recognized as such», explains the expert. Thus social anxiety was “normalized” as shyness, depressive symptoms held up as laziness, personality disorders considered character traits. «The fact that even non-experts speak of psychic suffering today is to be considered a step forward. It being understood that the discussion must always lead to discussions with a specialist».
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