Senglish and dating app, a combination that works. But not too much. Being single in the age of Facebook and apps like Tinder, Bumble and all the others could be a real “crap”, but that’s not always the case. In fact, if social media and applications allow you to meet people who you otherwise wouldn’t have the opportunity to meet, it is equally true that they can also be frustrating and create the absurd situation of leafing through a catalog to choose from.
Singles and dating apps, where are we at?
Social media has changed the world. Nothing more true. And they have The way we approach love and feelings has also changed. Second some data published by Forbes last May, on average people spent about 145 minutes a day on social media.
A considerable amount of time, especially if you also use it to meet new people: «Thanks to dating apps such as Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, but also through Facebook or Instagram, those who are single can increase their chances of interacting with people they wouldn’t otherwise meet and, from these digital beginnings, important love stories can also arise” explains the psychologist and psychotherapist Carolina Traverso. It is no coincidence that children resulting from relationships born on social media are nicknamed Tinder babies.
It would therefore seem inevitable to think that in this era social media and apps represent an advantage for those who are alone. But is it really like that? «Not entirely, it depends on how you approach it and how you experience being alone».
A challenge for singles, between ghosting and lack of interest
While on the one hand social media represents a real opportunity for singles, on the other it is also a challenge and not always the best one: «The dating app experience can be alienating. Not only because the proposed potential partners scroll on the feed like a series of images and words chosen by an algorithm, with the alienating sensation of leafing through a catalogue, but also because There are few people with whom you can actually start a conversation» explains the expert.
In short translating an online meeting into reality and concreteness is not always easy, On the contrary. How come? «For some people, online is a sort of simulacrum of real intimacy. They engage their interlocutor in digital exchanges without however never get to an actual meeting. The problem is that it is often not easy to notice this behavior immediately because initially the excuses for not seeing each other may even seem credible.”
To this we then add a another problem, namely that of disappearing, otherwise known as ghosting. In this type of encounter, in fact, lacks a social network that unites the two people, which for example exists if you are colleagues or if the meeting took place thanks to friends; this lack allows not having to account to anyone for one’s attitude and therefore in the practice of disappearing without giving any explanation to the other person. That she therefore remains disoriented and also frustrated. If they also have low self-esteem, sudden disappearances will only fuel it.
Envy towards the life of those who are in a couple
Another problem that social media can fuel in singles It’s not so much about the apps themselves as what you see when you scroll through them. Travel, photos of happy couples, children on the way, an entire catalog of serene and highly desirable lives: «But what is very often underestimated is that the story that each of us tells about ourselves on social media is a constructiona sort of curation of one’s online image from which the most tiring aspects of existence are typically eliminated, the bad days, and the images that do not satisfy our ideal standards with respect to how we feel we should appear in the eyes of others” explains the psychotherapist.
It’s true that social media has blurred the lines between public and private life, though what is shown in Facebook or Instagram feeds is always very sweetened and it does not always correspond to all reality.
So how to behave?
So how can we stem social media and put order in the relationship established with them? “Ideally, they should be put aside every now and then. Returning to “analog life”, to real life, going out and meeting people’s gazes, starting conversations are all ways to reconnect with reality. Setting Facebook&Co aside can be very effective, especially if you realize that hanging out with them starts to become a negative experience. In this case it is necessary to seriously evaluate a detox period, in which not to use them for a while. It will also be good for your attention, which often crumbles overwhelmed by a thousand stimuli that were not necessarily the initial reason that pushed you to go online” concludes the expert.
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