THE singles are on the rise. Not only in Italy but also in the rest of Europe. It confirms this at the national level l‘Istat whose data last year showed that from 2020 to 2021 single-person households rose from 24% to 33.2% that is, 8.5 million Italians. Yet despite this growth, being alone is still taboo. And being single isn’t always easy.
Single on the rise and yet still a taboo
Italy is increasingly the homeland of lonely people. In fact, not only is the number of single parents slowly but constantly increasing, Istat has estimated that in 2040 single parents will be 11.3% of the population, but also women who live alone are on the increase: in detail, 10% of the population is represented by unmarried women between 25 and 49 years of age. A percentage that is starting to be important, no longer mere exceptions to the rule but a real reality.
Nevertheless, despite this fact, which is steadily increasing, being single is still not well regarded in society. There is still the idea that whoever is single, especially if a woman, is automatically desperate, lonely and sad.
But is it really always like this? “Not always. It all depends on how you decide to live this time. If boredom and a sense of loneliness prevail, passively accepting the situation and also playing a bit of victimhood, the outside world will tend to perceive us as “old maids”. Conversely, if you start to take your life back slowly, even your personal perception of being alone starts to change» she explains Carolina Traverso, psychologist and psychotherapist.
What is Singlism?
that theRomantic Love and Happily Ever After it is an ending that always pleases is a certain fact. But the contemporary society has put him a little too much at the center of sentimental life: «We live in an age obsessed with romantic love and the idea that those who are in a relationship are happier than those who are not. This belief consequently leads again to think of singles as unresolved and desperate people, in search of great love. But that’s not necessarily the case. About this, American psychologist Bella De Paulo talks about Singlism» explains the expert.
«It is almost a form of discrimination against those who are single. The risk of Singlism is particularly accentuated in relation to women, just think of the fact that a woman is defined as an “old maid” while a man is a “golden bachelor”». But what is the risk of this phenomenon? «That it is internalized by society and that those who are alone, especially if they have been alone for a while and would like a relationship, he may end up believing that something is really wrong with him».
How to live single and happy
Being single again, in all of this, isn’t easy. Even if the decision to end the relationship is yours, and you may even feel a sense of relief, you still have to deal with a baggage of conflicting and above all fluctuating emotions. Sadness, anger, disappointment, and a sense of loss, as well as possibly heartbreak, are all emotions that need to be worked through.
But overcoming these moments and living one’s “singletudine” well is possible: «First of all, it is essential to take the time to learn to feel at ease alone, listening to your emotions which will be a real roller coaster. Sometimes you will be ready to go out with friends while others will just want to stay at home and rest and read a book or watch a movie. There will be days where you feel great, even ready for a new relationship, while on others you may be overwhelmed by grief or melancholy about the relationship that just ended.”
The most problematic aspect is certainly that of managing the large amount of free time available: it is in fact at this moment that loneliness or even anxiety can be felt because you are alone. In this case, how should we behave? “Normally, starting to do things that have always been done and taking back those that have been set aside when you were a couple. For example, going out with friends or dedicating yourself to a hobby helps distract your mind and heart so you can get on with life.
Learn to accept that you are single. And that’s not a bad thing
A process that of moving forward may not be simple. But it is essential, when you become single again, to keep in mind two fundamental aspects: «Not only that the arrival of a great love is an event that cannot be programmed, but time spent alone is essential for taking care of yourself and cultivating love in its most varied forms, not only for yourself but for friends, family, an animal, a project, a cause that we hold dear. Also, these moments in life are an occasion for reflect and ask yourself what you would like in a relationshipwhat is being done to find it and if there are aspects related to the previous stories that still weigh in preventing you from getting closer to a real love ».
What if you know someone? “You have to remember not to run. Desiring married life is legitimate, but worry is dangerous. Taking the time to get to know the person beyond the initial infatuation helps protect yourself and not minimize any warning signs that could prove problematic later on» concludes the expert.
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