“Borderline, I have that,” writes 27-year-old Sherany Hage from Bergen op Zoom. She has written an extensive letter to her environment on Instagram. The message: she’s done with all the prejudices. “What a fierce taboo this is,” she says. “I am angry and sad about that and above all very done with it.” So she opens a book herself.
In the Netherlands, about 200,000 people have been diagnosed with borderline. This is a personality disorder that often only manifests itself in adulthood, around the age of 25. People with the diagnosis especially suffer from instability and can suddenly change mood, relationship, self-image and behavior.
Sherany has that too. She has already had a rough childhood and grows up in an unsafe environment. “So borderline is a way of coping with trauma, rather than a diagnosis,” she explains. Because of the disorder, she has a lot of trouble trusting people in a relationship. “Then I actually sabotage myself,” she says. “My borderline assumes that people don’t have my best interests at heart.”
“No BP is the same.”
In some ways, her illness resembles the features of the disorder, but in many ways it is not. “Sometimes people only know it from movies,” de Bergse explains. “That you always spend a lot of money, self-harm and cheat a lot. But I’m not. No borderline is the same.”
For Sherany, for example, her borderline mainly plays out in her head. “That also makes it very lonely,” she explains. Certain smells, songs or people can then trigger memories of unpleasant situations from the past. Then she panics, has reliving experiences or nightmares. Or her mistrust is suddenly very triggered, towards her husband. “Sometimes I have to ask him ten times a day if he still thinks I’m handsome. I also understand that it sometimes drives him crazy, but I really don’t choose it.”
“Without ever asking me about it, I hear afterwards that they think I’m crazy.”
And that is one of the biggest misconceptions: that her behavior is a choice. “Or that people think they know what it is, without ever asking me about it. Then I hear afterwards that they think I’m crazy.”
Sherany is done with that in March. Where she is very selective at first, in who knows about her or who does not, she then opens the proverbial front door wide. In a long letter to those around her, she exposes her buttocks. About how she is now done with hearing ‘that you don’t notice it in her’ and that not everyone with borderline is also suicidal. In short: the borderline does not exist.
“I just hope that people take a closer look at the other,” she summarizes the purpose of the letter. “Get rid of those prejudices: talk to that person. Such a question can make the difference whether someone thinks they are crazy. So that they feel as if they are participating in ‘normal’ society.”
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