The childcare center in Empel, where a 3-year-old girl died on Monday, will be open again on Wednesday. A memorial corner has been set up inside for the girl. Childcare farm ‘t Goudvisje has engaged professional help for guidance. Parents also receive information about how they can deal with questions from their children at home. Because how do you talk to children about such an intense event? “Don’t beat around the bush,” says grief therapist Margot van Rijn from Etten-Leur.
“It’s quite a job,” says Van Rijn. She provides grief and loss counseling in her practice. Van Rijn emphasizes that it is important in the first instance that such news is told to children. “Parents or adults are inclined to protect children when there is big, sad news. But children can sense a lot. They feel sadness at the daycare center and in people around them. And if they don’t really know what has happened, they go to school themselves. fill things in and they can’t go anywhere with their feelings.”
According to the grief therapist, it is important that parents also hear what is said at the shelter. “It helps children if it is handled in the same way in both places,” she explains.
Childcare farm ‘t Goudvisje has sent parents an email to let them know how they will approach things in the near future. This states, among other things, that at the shelter farm children are talked to ‘in an appropriate way’ about what happened and that they are given the space to share their feelings and experiences. If parents want help answering questions from their children at home, they can contact daycare. They can also get professional help.
“‘Death’ is the most honest word.”
But how do you talk about something like that with children? According to Van Rijn, it is important to be direct. “It is best without a very long introduction and without beating around the bush. For example, say that you have to tell something sad, and then immediately come up with the message,” says the grief therapist. “It is not a problem to use the word ‘death’. That is the clearest and most honest word. Children understand that more quickly. ‘Deceased’ is sometimes more difficult to understand, especially for young children. Although it sometimes means that you first have to explain what death is.”
It is nice when such news comes from the parents, or someone else with whom the child feels safe. “It helps if the parents are calm. If a parent is very emotional or anxious, a child picks up on this,” she explains.
That doesn’t mean that emotions shouldn’t be there at all. Van Rijn: “You can certainly show that you are shocked or sad. Then a child will see that it is not strange if they feel something about it themselves.”
“Sometimes you have to explain it again later.”
It is then important to see what the child needs. “Some ask a lot of questions, some can be very shocked. Give children the space to ask and feel everything. But sometimes children don’t flinch and then want to play again, so you can leave it that way. The youngest children in particular think It’s difficult to understand. Sometimes you have to explain it to them again later.”
According to Van Rijn, the fact that the shelter is open again on Wednesday can be nice for the children. “It is nice for children to quickly return to the rhythm they know after something intense. That provides stability and they are then in a familiar environment again.”
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