Qa few weeks ago from the pages of New York Times reporter Magdalene J. Taylor thundered “Please, go back to having sex!”. A declaration not only of intent but also a political one, a return to “normality” after a long period of solitude. An encouragement after the discouraging data that emerged from a research conducted in the USA which highlighted how these are the most “asexual” years of American society. «Surely the pandemic has had an important influence, but this is not the only factor to consider, on the contrary» begins to explain the doctor Tony Genovese, EMDR psychotherapist.
Couple, when sex comes out of life as a couple
The article “Have more sex, please!” is based on research conducted by General Social Surveyhistoric American institute that has been analyzing the habits of Americans since 1972, from which it emerged that about a quarter of the population did not engage in sex in 2020. More precisely, 30% of men are in their 30s and, in 2021, a quarter of women are under 35. As the journalist explains, in the 1990s Americans claimed to have sex at least once a week. Now they don’t even get to 40%.
But it’s not just about sex, because people hardly start new relationships and even less move in together. So much so that we can talk about an “epidemic of loneliness”. And what about Italy? The latest data dates back to the pre-pandemic: in 2019 the Censis highlighted that Italians between 18 and 40 were on average satisfied with their sexual relationships which they also practiced on a daily basis. Then came the pandemic and with it a series of consequences.
How covid, and beyond, has influenced sex
“Certainly the advent of the COVID 19 pandemic contributed to this phenomenon. The social distancing measures that we have had to observe to protect and protect ourselves have strongly conditioned the way we relate. Think of how many times we have refrained from giving a hand or a kiss to say hello, a hug to express our affection, or we have avoided inviting someone home for dinner». Paradoxically, as the expert continues, if before the pandemic closeness was also synonymous with safety, now no longer with consequences also on a sexual level.
Not to mention the consequences, including the smart working: «The promotion of the “online modality” in numerous fields, not only work but also training, it significantly reduced the chances of meeting and meeting new people. And we know how the possibilities in love are closely linked to what is commonly called “chemistry”: even in man, in fact, albeit to a much lesser extent than in animals, sex pheromones seem to play a role in activating the dynamics of seduction, not to mention all other signals that are altered, or are lost, in the interaction through a screen».
Gender and social acceptance
But there is much more. There are indeed factors, such as for the social status, which greatly influence the life of the couple. «As R. Solow, US economist said, «We live in a society in which social status and self-esteem are strongly linked to employment and income». This statement makes you think aboutimportance we give to work and how much time and space it occupies in organizing our days to the detriment of other fundamental aspects of our lives. And how not to recall the concepts of “company and liquid love” by Bauman? Which, if on the one hand they seem to give space to the possibility of experiencing emotions free from the coercion of morality and social pressure which have long played in favor of the repression of relationships other than the canonical ones, on the other they bring with them a certain amount of uncertainty ».
In this sense relationships have become more fluid because they are strongly influenced by the surrounding reality. Not only that, but in this era we are often confronted with thatidea of perfection which, if not achieved, makes one feel inadequate thus putting everything into question and negatively influencing what is the nature of man, that is to make community and mate.
When the comfort zone is negative
The logical consequence is that therefore many have holed up in a “comfort zone”to defend oneself from possible external relations: «The possibility of establishing an intimate and lasting relationship passes through the personal willingness to show one’s vulnerability! But today’s man, thus “defended”, how much does he feel he can risk showing himself, to allow himself to be himself, to put himself on the line? Very often, unfortunately, it seems that you linger in “looking at the world from a porthole”, therefore social networks and dating apps. Continuing in this direction could mean for today’s man undergo a real experience of emotional deprivation, with inevitable repercussions on the levels of personal and community well-being. We know that our self-concept develops through interaction with others and is a reflection of others’ evaluation and considerations of us. It is therefore logical that the feeling connected to our personal worth can worsen when we are short of good and healthy relationships».
How to get out of this mechanism?
Taking risks again, showing oneself for what one iswith their own vulnerabilities and strengths: «It is the cost to pay in order to be able to enjoy the thrill of real encounters that will be able to give back to those who want to accept this challenge contact with one’s own and others’ beauty and freedom from distorted cognitions», concludes the expert.
iO Woman © REPRODUCTION RESERVED