By Jana Förster and Konstantin Marrach
How do we as a couple manage to have more fun in bed again? How do I talk to my girlfriend about my secret erotic fantasies? Many questions reached us again in the last few days. BZ expert Jana Förster is dedicated this time to the letter from a reader for whom sex has become torture.
The reader, who wishes to remain anonymous, writes: “I am 51 years old and have always had an active sex life in my life. But since I was 47 years old, every sex has been associated with excruciating pain due to vaginal dryness. My doctor says that unfortunately this is part of the menopause. I have a hard time coming to terms with this. Do you have any tips for me on how to reduce this pain and finally enjoy sex again?”
Sex counselor Jana Förster answers: “As part of a study in the USA, women going through the menopause were examined and questioned up to ten times over a period of 13 years. Almost every second participant reported at least occasional pain during intercourse during the course of the study.
This pain is caused by a mucous membrane in the vagina that is too dry, which is one of the most common symptoms due to hormonal changes and the associated lack of estrogen during menopause. The mucous membranes become thinner, more sensitive and crack more quickly. Symptoms range from burning or itching to severe pain or even bleeding.
But: A lot of women are in their sexual prime at this age, they stand by their bodies and feel comfortable in their own skin. When a strong desire for sexuality meets the menopause and brings pain during sex, the frustration is understandably great.
But there is no reason to simply accept this. Today I would like to give you four tips on what you can do so that you can enjoy sex again in your prime with fun and anticipation.
1. Be sure to seek medical advice. From my point of view, a hormone status is done far too seldom these days to see what deficiency has arisen in these special years of life. If this has been found out, one can nowadays react wonderfully and with little risk to the deficiency that has currently arisen.
2. Sexual arousal should be very high through intense foreplay before penetration takes place. In these special years, the body needs a little longer and even more stimulation – for example through oral sex, to better prepare the mucous membranes for intercourse. Be sure to talk to your partner about this!
3. Minimize any risk of additional drought. When you get your period, I strongly advise against tampons. This also fuels the dryness of the mucous membranes. It is better to use pads, menstrual underwear or the still very new menstrual cups, these are much gentler on the vaginal mucous membranes, which are very sensitive in this phase.
4. Lubricants and creams are indispensable in this phase of life. Get advice from your trusted pharmacy. There are special gels and creams for vaginal dryness during menopause that are tailored to the needs of hormonal changes.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed that one or more of these measures will help you enjoy sex more.”
This is how you can send your question to the sex counselor
Is there anything more beautiful, but also more complicated than lust and love?
Is there a crisis in your relationship and you don’t know why? Your wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with you for years and you are looking for tips to rekindle the passion? Are you afraid your husband is being unfaithful, but not sure if and how you should talk to him about it?
In the BZ series “Ms. Förster’s Question Time” you can ask your questions – absolutely anonymously. The erotica expert takes on these problems and answers them in her weekly column.
The good thing: Many topics related to sex and relationships not only affect you, but also other readers. Because: A surprising number of people share the same concerns – but are not at all aware of them.
Please send your questions by e-mail to: [email protected] or by post: Question Hours, Redaktion BZ, Axel-Springer-Straße 65, 10888 Berlin.