Stapiosexual. Ever heard of it? The term comes from the Latin word sapienswhich means wise, intelligent, and indicates an individual who feels sexually attracted to partners who possess this quality.
The intelligence it would therefore be for sapiosexuals not only an element capable of influencing the choice of a partner for a stable relationship but also a characteristic capable of igniting the sexual desire.
The term, already introduced in 2012 by the Urban Dictionary, was officially cleared through customs only in 2014 when Okay Cupida popular dating app, has listed sapiosexuality as a sexual orientations.
Sapiosexual: the study
Investigating the phenomenon in 2017 and trying to understand if sapiosexuals are attracted to people with an above-average IQ was psychologist and professor associate of the University of West Australia, Gilles E. Gignac. Indeed, the scholar has made a research analyzing the psychometric properties of 383 people (men and women) by completing the SapioQ questionnaire. The study found that a sapiosexual person is attracted to individuals with above average intelligence (IQ between 95 and 110), i.e. with an IQ of 120. On average, the 90th percentile of intelligence (IQ ≈ 120) was valued as the most sexually attractive and the most desirableand in a long-term partner. But be careful: sapiosexuals would be attracted to people with above average intelligence but not from real ‘brains’, that is, by people with an IQ of 135. Probably because, around these people, sapiosexuals would risk feeling somehow inhibited or experiencing a sense of inferiority.
Sapiosexual: not an orientation but a preference
Even if the app Okay Cupid has included sapiosexuality among sexual orientations, actually it is not entirely correct to define it that way.
“Sapiosexuality it should rather be seen as a sexual preference. – explains Gaia Polloni, Psychotherapist and Clinical Sexologist – Sapiosexuals are in fact strongly attracted by the intelligence of their partner, a fundamental characteristic for them to experience sexual attraction. However they can be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual. This means, for example, that a sapiosexual woman can be attracted exclusively to intelligent men, and therefore be a heterosexual sapiosexual, or to intelligent women, therefore homosexual sapiosexual. And so on…”.
Sapiosexuality: a trend not only for women
So sapiosexuality would be about both women and men…
“Certain. In the clinical practice we find more women than men sapiosexual, even if the only study on the subject present in the literature did not reveal any significant differences between the two genders. – underlines the psychotherapist and sexologist again – Sapiosexuals consider intelligence to be the most attractive trait of all in a potential sexual partner, but often also a key criterion in choosing candidates with whom build long-term relationships».
Intelligence has many nuances
«Since today we don’t talk so much about intelligence, but about different intelligences – underlines Gaia Polloni – sapiosexuals can actually be attracted by different faculties: there are those who will be seduced by cultured and erudite people, speakers of philosophy, literature or history, who by artists or musicians. And who again from gifted individuals speed of thoughtdistinct sense of humor or ability to problem solving».
Intelligence and attraction: what link
So how is it possible to explain the sexual attraction towards a characteristic such as intelligence?
“This sexual preference shouldn’t surprise us and, if we think about the theory of evolutionism, we will also be able to understand its function. – specifies the psychotherapist – Nel animal worldfemales of different species tend to mate with “smart” males because it is able to build safe dens and nests, protect from predators and therefore of ensure the survival of the offspring. In the human speciesmany women choose, more or less consciously, intelligent partners, since this often coincides with having a good job, a good social position and therefore being able to provide security and provide financial support for the family. A study of Vietnam War veterans found even one correlation between high IQ and better sperm quality. Other studies show a correlation between physical symmetry (an indicator of good health) and intelligence. L’evolutionism offers us a reading of the phenomenon, which however remains a partial explanation, also because, thanks to women’s emancipation, today’s women are more independent and therefore less in need of support. Furthermore, let us not forget that, as we said, there are also sapiosexual men».
When intelligence ignites desire
«It should also be stressed – continues the expert – that sapiosexuals do not seem to value – at least not consciously– intelligence in perspective of the potential economic benefits related to it, but find this trait a real sexual turn-on. We could therefore bring this phenomenon back to individual sexual preferences: just as certain individuals, more “visual”, are attracted by aesthetics, by bodies, by forms, others are attracted by the mind».
The underlying reasons
There are therefore various reasons that can lead, consciously or otherwise, to being attracted by the intelligence of a potential partner…
“First of all, with the passage of time, the body changes, ages, while the mind, neurological pathologies aside, remains the same. – explains the sexologist Gaia Polloni – This means that if we fall in love with a person with an intelligence compatible or complementary to our needs, they will be more likely to be able to maintain mutual interestas well as the sharing of common interests”.
Sapiosexual: how to tell if you are
That said, what really sets a sapiosexual person apart? And how to understand if it is?
«Starting from the assumption that each individual is unique and, consequently, also each sapiosexual will have its peculiarities, we can describe some characteristic that unites them. – Gaia Polloni replies again – First of all, for sapiosexuals physical attraction is secondarywhat attracts their attention is instead the way in which a person expresses himself and communicates. They hate superficial exchanges And they spark with deep conversations. The best sexual foreplay is therefore talk, establishing an intellectual understanding: open up, know how to listen, understand each other, fight back, ride the wave of what the other is saying, explore it together, get into each other’s heads. Create one mental connection, an intellectual intimacy, in short, rather than a bodily one. They are people for whom words are of great importancetherefore also the choice of words used, for example also in messageswill be the result of careful reflection».
The sapiosexual loves to share enriching experiences
Not only that, there are other characteristics that sapiosexual people can have in common…
“Usually they prefer appointments in quiet and uncrowded placesi, in which it is possible to talk: a candlelit dinner or a walk in the middle of nature. By hand share enriching experienceslike going to a concert, to an exhibition, to the theatre, or practice more introspective activities together such as yoga or meditation. – underlines the sexologist again – Sapiosexuals also like it learn new things and therefore dealing with people who can be a source of learning, personal growth and nourishment for their mind».
Dating apps
So how to find your soul mate if you are sapiosexual? Help can come from dating appsnaturally choosing the ad hoc ones
“There are dating specific apps for sapiosexuals – underlines Gaia Polloni again – there are two examples Sapio-intelligent dating And Sapiophile».
What does a sapiosexual want in the bedroom?
Finally, the question that everyone (or almost) is asking: what behaviors can ignite the eros of a sapiosexual in the bedroom?
«Starting from the assumption that everyone is different, for most sapiosexuals, as we said, it is precisely deep conversations that ignite passion. – concludes Dr. Gaia Polloni – Therefore, talk at length about topics that are not trivial or superficial, listening and giving space to your partner as well. There are also “auditory” sapiosexuals who appreciate talk even while making lovewhispering erotic words to each other, or building a narrated fantasy, together with the partner. Also in this case, it is the brains, rather than the bodies, that play and have sex. The embrace thus becomes one long tango in which the brains undress and dance, word after word».
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