Sam (41) became a victim of child trafficking: “I was just trafficked and had a loving family in my native country who wanted to take care of me” | Abroad

“My story starts when I was two, when I was adopted by a Dutch couple,” Sam begins. Her mother would have given her up, but it has always been unclear what exactly happened. “On paper, my mother never gave permission to take me to the Netherlands. Moreover, neither her nor my data are in the adoption file.” Years later, Sam found out that her papers were forged. When she left Sri Lanka she was two, when she arrived in the Netherlands she was suddenly three. So during the adoption, her date of birth was falsified.

“I ended up in the Netherlands in a family with three children, two of whom had a disability,” Sam continues. “My adoptive parents had a bad marriage and actually had no place for an adopted child, but they still decided to adopt.”

That is how Sam ended up in the Netherlands; she grew up in a country where no one looked like her and in a family where she wasn’t really allowed to be herself. “I am a very social and exuberant person, my adoptive parents were not. I felt like an elephant in a china shop. Being at home was hell for me, because I was the one who disturbed the peace.”

Since she was six, Sam has been abused by her adoptive father. According to Sam, it is difficult for outsiders to understand, but she has never felt that she had to do something against her will. “I learned from him that this was the way you love each other. It was normal for me that those hugs turned into something else.”

It wasn’t until Sam had a boyfriend for the first time that it became clear that her adoptive father had abused her. “I was ashamed and didn’t dare to speak about it for 30 years.” According to Sam, there is still a big taboo around abuse under the guise of ‘love’. “Child sexual abuse taught as love is just not well known.” That is why there are many victims who do not dare to talk about it.

After Sam graduated, she started looking for her identity. She booked a room in a Sri Lankan guesthouse whose owner had specialized in ‘searching for roots’. “Half a year later I was already on the plane,” says Sam. “When I got there, the owner told me that he hadn’t found anything about my biological family yet because my papers were forged. I found out that I didn’t exist on paper, and I still don’t.”

All Sam had left was a note that her adoptive mother had kept all these years. The note contained her biological mother’s address. “The existence of this note is remarkable, because it doesn’t happen that way in a normal adoption procedure.”

The note eventually ensured that she found her biological family on the second day in Sri Lanka, her biological mother turned out to be deceased. She met her grandmother and brother, which was unreal for her. “The last time my brother saw me, my mother told me I was sick and had to go to the hospital. When I returned I was gone. My brother couldn’t believe he saw me again, but he recognized me because of a scar on my finger.”

Sam’s grandmother told her that her birthday is not July 4, but December 17. “I approached a lawyer because I want my real date of birth on my passport. Together with a group of adoptees, Sam is suing the Dutch state for adoption fraud. “For me, the correct date on my identity card is the highest goal, but there are much greater interests at play for others who are still looking for their families.”

Many children were adopted in the 1980s. The great demand for adopted children was responded to and this led to trade. In the 1970s, widespread fraud with adoptions came to light. Children were sold for high prices. “I have a receipt that states that I have cost 10,000 guilders,” says Sam. “The wish of the parents to have children is sometimes so great that it is at the expense of the child. Children are adopted under the moral ‘we save a child’, but in my case that was anything but the case.” Even now, Dutch adoptive parents still pay at least 17,000 euros for a child.

A case involving adoption fraud also came to light in Belgium, at least 14 Belgian adopted children from South Korea are victims of adoption fraud.

Sam is now a successful entrepreneur. She turned her passion into her profession and now organizes pub quizzes tailored to her clients. The main focus is on fun and social connection.

She also published a book about her story this year, Not born on my birthday. She writes about the road she has traveled and about her search for her identity. But what she especially wants to convey with her book is that, despite setbacks, you shouldn’t give up. “Every day you have the choice to make something of your life. My motto is therefore: ‘You can become anything you want – but above all yourself’. I now have a super fun life and I choose how I fill it in,” says Sam. “I used to always see obstacles on the road, but that is no longer the case. I am enjoying life now.”