26-year-old Ryan Rijnders from Den Bosch had psychological problems and a burnout for years. But he didn’t talk about his mental problems for a long time, and certainly didn’t seek help. “I thought I shouldn’t be acting up. Men have to be tough,” says Ryan. Now he wants to break the taboo and encourage other young men to speak up if they are not doing well mentally.
26-year-old Ryan beams when he enters the building where he is following a meeting about mental problems. He is doing well, but that was different months ago. “I was just lying in bed. I could barely make myself a cup of coffee,” he says.
“I thought I shouldn’t put myself out there.”
Ryan’s mental complaints started during puberty. When he was 16 years old, he already knew for a while that he likes men. But he didn’t dare say that. “I was afraid of being put in a box. I kept my orientation a secret for a long time and that was mentally very tough.” When Ryan finally decided to come out, his psychological problems got worse. “I was pushed down the stairs at school and I was bullied at my side job.”
In the years following Ryan’s high school years, things got even worse for him. The pressure to graduate, find a job and buy a house became too much for him. “It was a train of expectations that I had to live up to in my head. For myself and my environment.”
The 26-year-old inhabitant of Bossche also developed physical complaints as a result. He could no longer climb the stairs, became dizzy in the supermarket and passed out in the shower. But he didn’t dare to call in professional help. “I thought I shouldn’t put myself out there. I’ve never experienced anything very violent. That’s why I thought my problems were all in my head.”
“I realized that I was really not doing well.”
Despite his mental problems, Ryan got his life back on track. He moved in together and got married and became a teacher at Koning Willem 1 College. But in December 2021 things went wrong mentally. “I came home from work and out of the blue I cried for hours,” he says. “Everything I had bottled up in recent years came out. Only then did I realize that I was really not doing well.”
Ryan came home overwrought. That’s when he needed to talk about his mental issues and seek help. “I didn’t want to give in, but I couldn’t do anything physically and mentally,” says the young man from Bossche. “I found it exciting to tell how I really felt.”
Ryan isn’t the only young man who found it difficult to talk about his mental health issues. Figures show that 55 percent of young people consider it a taboo. “Men are expected to be tough. Showing feelings and talking about your problems are not part of that.”
In this Mental Health Week, Ryan attends a meeting about breaking that taboo. “I want to learn how to recognize psychological problems in MBO students and how to discuss them,” he says. “I hope I can help young men like myself to understand that it’s okay to talk about your feelings or mental health problems.”