Ronald (64) had an affair with Nathalie. “As long as she was okay with it, I wasn’t going to mess things up at home.”
“Nathalie was also with her sister and parents in the hotel where I spent the autumn holidays with my wife Sandra and our children. During an evening in the lobby, our families started talking. Nathalie and I immediately clicked, despite the eighteen year age difference. She was in her late twenties, I was in my mid-forties. One time the two of us ended up at the bar, the rest of the family had already gone to bed. We sat there for hours, talking endlessly. It felt very intimate, even though nothing happened.
After that holiday I received an email from Nathalie. She felt sorry that we hadn’t said goodbye – she was still sleeping the morning of our departure – and wanted to see me again. I completely misjudged that email. Where she wanted to close something, I saw it as an invitation. And so, after a nice dinner, we were suddenly kissing like teenagers. That evening began our affair, which would last seven years.
It’s a classic: man with midlife problems falls for young blom. My marriage to Sandra ended after eighteen years. She stopped working after the birth of our children, now teenagers. Due to the inequality that arose at that time, we grew apart. We had become brother and sister. The relationship with Nathalie compensated for a loss I felt. I felt young again and could have fun with her. It wasn’t just about sex: we were soulmates. More than that, even.”
I thought I would never do something like that
“We had long conversations every day while I drove to work. I even went on holiday with her – I often went on business trips abroad, so it wasn’t noticeable. Sandra was not suspicious at all: she was sure I would never do something like that. So did I, by the way – until it happened.
I could have held on forever. As long as Nathalie was okay with it, I wasn’t going to mess things up at home. Of course something was nagging. I remember once reading on a forum of a women’s magazine, where women wrote about their situation as mistresses. One man just shouted: ‘Never start, he is taking advantage of you.’ Which of course was true.
Nathalie got fed up with it. She wanted to have children and wanted to look for a partner with whom she could start a family. Understandable. But when she found someone, I became sickly jealous. That’s how it happened again. And off again. We broke up crying several times, only to be on the phone again a week later. Hopeless. I didn’t want to leave Sandra, but I couldn’t miss Nathalie anymore either.
Only Nathalie would make me happy
I set myself a deadline: at 54 ste , the age at which my father died, I had to choose. When that day came, I realized that only Nathalie would make me truly happy. I packed my bags and moved in with her. The early days were terrible. Sandra was of course devastated. Nathalie had to get used to me being there all day. I got a burnout due to all the stress.
And yet we came out on top. Now, ten years later, we are still happy, especially after having a son. We still chat endlessly, effortlessly joining the other person’s train of thought. Sandra also now has a new partner. Thanks to her, our bond and that with my eldest two children has remained good. I’m not proud of having damaged people – and yet I think I made the right choice.
The question remains, of course: how do we keep it fun, even if I take early retirement? Or if Nathalie has a midlife crisis? “I would understand it if you hired a young guy,” I sometimes joke. We will really have to keep doing our best, I know that. And yet the love between us feels eternal.”