Regina (51) from Groningen was in deep trouble. Now she receives a letter from Rutte with apologies. ‘I went crazy’

There he lay. On the doormat. The same place where all the misery once began. Although this letter did not come from the Tax and Customs Administration, but from the Prime Minister. ‘You are not a fraudster with childcare allowance. That is why we offer you our sincere apologies on behalf of the cabinet.’

Sorry, Regina thought? “You do that when you run into someone on the street. Not when someone has lost years of their life. It’s such a formal word. And it doesn’t cover the load. Rutte cannot know what I and all those others had to endure. I don’t blame him. But it is so.”

Cent for cent. Period

Regina’s story begins in 2008. Even then she opens the mail. From the tax authorities. She reads that she has to pay back the allowance received for her three children.

The amount? 29,882 euros.

Fear grips her heart. How on earth does she come up with such a debt? What are the consequences for her children? And how will she ever repay that huge amount as a single mother?

She quickly knocks on the door of the Tax Authorities in Leeuwarden. But the man Regina speaks to can do nothing for her. She has to pay everything back. Cent for cent. Period. Regina’s children are then 12, 10 and 2 years old. “It was clear to that gentleman from the Tax and Customs Administration. I had done something wrong. Or just spent the money. Anyway, it was my fault.”

Did you think so too?

,,Naturally. I immediately began to doubt myself. What have I entered incorrectly? I immediately went to check all my statements, but I couldn’t find anything crazy. So you have nothing. Nothing at all. I quickly thought I had made a big mistake. But what? No idea.”

How big was the panic?

“I went crazy. It kept me busy day and night. Fortunately I had a job, but no reserves to live on. Because the allowances were stopped, I received far too little money. I used to live on alimony for my children. But then you quickly run into problems. I went into much more debt. It piled up. Literally, because I didn’t dare open the mail anymore. Because I couldn’t pay the bills anyway.”

“In the meantime I had three mouths to feed. There have been days when we had no food. Since we were cut off from the gas, I was filling the bath for the kids with kettles. I was so proud that I succeeded. Because my children were not allowed to know what was going on. No one was to know. Because I was ashamed.”

No one had heard of a surcharge affair at the time.

,,Precisely. I wouldn’t be believed anyway. I came into isolation. When the bell rang, I was terrified that it was yet another bailiff. So I stopped opening.”

After a silence. “Then your world becomes very small.”

Your children were not allowed to know anything, you said. Did that work?

,,Yes. I didn’t want to burden them with it. I didn’t tell until 2020. They now say they didn’t get much of it. But I doubt that. I was so bad in my own skin.”

Do you feel you failed as a mother?

“My son left home for a year. Because it was better for him. I have never been able to contribute anything substantial financially. We always bought cheap. My children are so sweet to say: we didn’t mind, mom. But I do feel bad.”

Didn’t you go through it yourself?

,,Of course it is. In the first years you just want to survive. But that will stop at some point. I took therapy, but I couldn’t anymore. I just wanted peace of mind. I felt guilty, but also inferior. What was I supposed to bring in? I am now seeing a therapist again. If you hear that you have been duped, you only start processing. There was nothing to process before. Yes, that it would be my fault. But that wasn’t it.”

E motional

On March 8, the phone rang. Regina received official recognition that she was duped in the benefits affair. “Madam, we have reviewed your situation. Since 2006, everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong.”

Regina swallows: ,,And now I’m getting emotional again.”

Why now?

“Because everything came up at that moment. The guilt of the mess I thought I had made myself. The thought that I had failed as a parent. But that it wasn’t my fault. That must get through to me. Still.”

“I am very good with my children, but their father paid for a laptop if they needed it. I couldn’t. I always felt like the lesser parent. No matter how sweet they said they didn’t experience it that way. In addition to the joy about the recognition, that sadness came up.”

Are not you angry?

,,Of course it is. Why did everything take so long? My life would have turned out very differently. I could have done more for my children. But what good is it to point out a scapegoat? I recently heard someone say that he slaps Rutte in the head when he meets him on the street. I think then: he didn’t want this either. Perhaps naive. But some people are so fierce. Someone has to pay. But that’s not what it’s about.”

“I don’t want to accuse people. I hated the word guilt alone. Really, I can’t hear it anymore. A colleague who has a lot to do with debt problems recently said that we should no longer use ‘debt’ at all. In English, a debt is a debt. If you are guilty, you are guilty. In the Netherlands we should also split that. Some people can’t pay their bills, but that doesn’t mean you’re actually guilty of that situation. The surcharge affair has proven that.”

Can you finally look ahead again?

“It depends how you look at it. I hope I can live again instead of surviving. I am debt free. But I’m still waiting for my case to be heard and I have no idea when it’s my turn. I am entitled to 30,000 euros compensation from the Catshuis scheme. It remains to be seen whether this is sufficient. I have to make my own timeline: what have I paid? Well, try to figure that out.”

“And then you have the immaterial damage. How do I explain what all these years have done to me? Am I supposed to cry all the time or something? I go to a neurologist, because my brain is constantly overstimulated. I also have big holes in my memory. I took a lot of pictures of my kids when they were young. When I look at those photos now, I don’t remember a single moment. How do you compensate for that? Say it.”

“I still feel guilty. That doesn’t just slide off me. Despite the acknowledgment and apology. You don’t just brush away all those years. When I look at my bank account now, sometimes I can’t believe it. Because my wages were seized, I developed crazy things. Will money be deposited into my account? Then I take it off right away. Still. Before anyone can get to it.”

Why are you telling your story?

“I would like to explain that, because I am afraid that people will find me media horny otherwise. Sorry for the word.”

That does not matter. Tell?

“I have always kept quiet because of the shame. That must apply to thousands of victims. I also wondered at first why I should talk to you. But I am Christian and found a scripture. “Be a mouthpiece for people who cannot speak.” Maybe it should be, I thought then. A lot of people are still in big trouble. I hope someone reads this and thinks: luckily, I’m not the only one.”

“It may sound crazy, but beautiful things have also come out of all the misery. I work with illiterate people myself. We try to explain difficult letters from authorities such as the Tax and Customs Administration. Fortunately, there are now all kinds of agencies that can help benefit parents. But they haven’t always been there. In 2008 I also did not understand a word of the letter I received. I blocked when I saw that I had to pay 30,000 euros. I know very well what it feels like to be ashamed. And I know how quickly people in debt are judged. Even if you can’t help it, people still think: you must have made it yourself. Well, not so.”

“When I was officially recognized as a victim, my children were very happy. They were proud of me. That was a super moment. I said: I’ve never been on holiday with you and I’m going to do that now.”

Her eyes twinkle. “So in June we will all be on a plane to Gran Canaria.”