Is it time for an alien invasion and which bands (and politicians) would survive if in doubt?
Just a moment, I’ll be with you in a moment, I just have to click something away here quickly. A spam mail asks – somewhat puzzling and, in my opinion, unfounded – which actors are most likely to survive an alien invasion. Hmm. Phew. Actually only Sigourney Weaver and Will Smith, right? Ah, whatever. As our old art director used to say: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there. An alien invasion isn’t on the cards right now, thank goodness – it’s actually one of the few common major catastrophe scenarios that we’re not yet acutely affected by or at least threatened with. However, it would first have to be seen whether such an alien invasion then necessarily has to be hostile and destructive.
Clear advantage of alien invasion over climate change, extinction of species, nuclear war, collapse of global ecosystems, etc.: With an alien invasion, there is at least the theoretical possibility that it will end well if the worst comes to the worst and instead of murdering and pillaging colonizers (one should don’t infer others from themselves) people come along like they do in the Spielberg films, who then, with their superior intellect, impeccable taste in music and fantastic technical possibilities, maybe even help us out of the deep shit that we as a civilization have ridden ourselves into by, for example, let’s say: sucking excess CO2 out of the atmosphere. Or take the FDP leadership and federal ministers to distant galaxies! That would have helped a lot. Ah!
The elephant is, of course, Till Lindemann
But of course, given the bad karma we’ve accumulated here over the centuries and how shit is sticking to our shoes recently, we shouldn’t have too many illusions. You see, I’m a little bit reluctant to talk about the elephant in the room. The elephant is of course Till Lindemann, although I don’t want to offend any elephants. “Do you believe that with the Lindemann?” asked an acquaintance at the very beginning of the “affair”, when it was already clear that what was heard didn’t exactly sound counterintuitive.
I have never understood – or at least never got over it – that beyond the first few years of their existence as a novelty band, Rammstein then became an institution and a global figurehead for “German rock” and have enjoyed their influence and continued success over the past few years 20 years primarily as a symptom of the progressive dulling and brutalization of our society(ies). “We just think the music is super cool!”, you can now hear fans squeak who “nevertheless” were at the concerts (but there were also improved safety precautions to protect the fans … BEFORE the band!) and ask yourself: Where did that start ? What happened? What has ruined us so? And which bands would be most likely to survive an alien invasion?
This column first appeared in the Musikexpress issue 07/2023.