Noin contemporary society, loneliness is considered only from a negative point of view, something to be afraid and anxious about. It’s actually not like that. Solitude is also positive, a moment of personal growth, sometimes even a real need of people to detach themselves from the rest of the world. It is no coincidence that over the years writers, thinkers, up to actors and musicians have praised this type of estrangement. As Pier Paolo Pasolini who affirmed “You need to be very strong to love solitude”.
Positive loneliness, what is it?
From the Latin “sollus”, whole, which is self-sufficient, behind the term solitude there has been a real evolution of meanings and intentions. If in past centuries, “solitude” was synonymous with bliss, of a person so complete as to be self-sufficient because self-realized, a dogma present in many philosophies, over the centuries the concept of solitude has taken on negative connotations. As today which is often associated with the idea of abandonment and feeling literally alone.
But is not so: “There is positive loneliness, called by some “productive” lonelinesswhen the moments when you are alone are an opportunity to reflect, take care of yourself both physically and mentally, to recharge. You can, in other words, spend time alone without feeling lonelyenjoying his own company» explains the doctor Carolina Traverso, psychotherapist and mindfulness expert.
In this sense, solitude is an important moment in a person’s life, a moment of growth for oneself and in building lasting relationships with the outside world. As the Brazilian poet and writer stated Mario Quintana: “The secret is not to take care of the butterflies, but to take care of the garden, so that the butterflies come to you”.
Positive loneliness, difference with the negative one
On the other hand the English writer Emily Dickinsonwho led a somewhat withdrawn life, has repeatedly declared “I would perhaps be more alone without my solitude” speaking precisely of positive solitude. This is in fact a condition that you choose, it is not absolutely imposed: «This is why it does not bring with it the feeling of being disconnected from others or abandoned or marginalized. And it is one solitude that nourishes the person and his relationships because it is the ability to feel good in the company of oneself is fundamental for a good management of emotions and not to overload relationships with saving expectations» explains the expert.
Explanations that find support also in George Gabriel who used to say “Loneliness is not crazy, it’s essential to feel good in company” and Schopenhauer who stated: “Whoever does not love solitude does not love freedom either, since only when one is alone is one free”.
Positive solitude is therefore a vivifying space. Putting aside the unhealthy idea of sad and depressing loneliness, as the expert explains, solitude is positive when it is profitable, when you feel good about yourself so much that it becomes a privilege, when you dedicate yourself to your passions and to cultivate your own ego. A very effective summary is the maxim of Alessandro Morandottijournalist and correspondent of the Corriere della Sera who said “Loneliness suffered afflicts, choice satisfies”.
But can you learn to feel good on your own?
«Absolutely yes. Fortunately, positive solitude is a skill we can all learn and cultivate. It’s enough to train, getting used to choosing moments in which to devote attention to yourself and to an activity you like. Seeing loneliness like this, some people may even find that they already practice it, but they never noticed it» continues Dr. Traverso.
And if it’s hard to be alone, how to “work out? «Together with psychotherapy, mindfulness it’s a panacea in this sense because it teaches us to make friends with ourselves even when we don’t live up to our expectations or we would like to escape from what we feel because we fear it might overwhelm us. Therefore, if it is difficult to be alone, it is better to train to do it. This doesn’t mean putting yourself in quarantine with respect to your love life or friendships, but recognizing that you need to do a job to take care of your fragile parts, so that they don’t harm ourselves and others.
Phrases on positive solitude and its benefits
The more they leave me alone the more I shine –Alda Merini
Loneliness is like a magnifying glass: if you’re alone and you’re fine, you’re fine, if you’re alone and you’re sick, you’re terrible –Giacomo Leopardi
Solitude is to the spirit what food is to the body –Lucio Anneo Seneca
It’s useless to look for who completes you, no one completes anyone, you have to be complete on your own to be happy -Eric Fromm
I used to think that the worst thing that could happen in life was to be alone, but that’s not the case. The worst thing is ending up with people who make you feel alone -Robin Williams
Sing and dance together and be happy, but let each of you also be alone, as the strings of a lute are alone, though they vibrate to the same music –Khalil Gibran
Solitude gives birth to the original in us –Thomas Mann
Loneliness is not living alone, loneliness is not being able to keep someone or something inside us company, loneliness is not a tree in the middle of a plain where there is only him, it is the distance between deep sap and bark, between leaf and root –José Saramago
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