Qhow many times in the face of personal failure, one feels lost, sad and hopeless? Whether it’s dealing with a misstep at work, rather than a relationship failure, these experiences often end in shattering self-esteem and to generate a vicious circle of regrets and guilt.
Can we get out of it? Well yes and to teach how to do it is a Japanese concept as simple as it is revolutionary.
With the term Shippaiin fact, in Japan reference is made to positive or constructive failurea concept well described also by the famous Japanese proverb “Fall seven times, get up eight”. In a society like ours where individualism, competition and visibility are considered the passport to success, rediscover failure could prove to be the decisive keystone. The target? Learn to become resilient ea benefit from even the most disastrous falls.
From Beethoven to Chanel: the illustrious faces of positive failure
It is called precisely “Shippai – Fall seven times, get up eight” the book, published in Italy by Vallardi, in which Masato OonoJapanese writer and illustrator, has created a real encyclopedia of successful characters become such also thanks to the ability to be raised from their terrible falls. From East to West, from Salvador Dalí to Confucius, passing through the troubled events of Ludwig van Beethoven but also of Coco Chanel and even of the beautiful Audrey Hepburn, the author tells about life, success but above all the positive failure of these famous figures. The intent is in fact to show, through simple language accompanied by witty illustrations, how each of those characters can give a precious Zen teaching to do ours in everyday life.
Towards success
In fact, it can happen to be fired as happened to the great Steve Jobs, to be misled as happens to the brilliant Walt Disney, as well as to receive a colossal slating as happened to Coco Chanel but what Oono wants to show us is that basically the defeatwhich scares us so much, can also be seen and interpreted as the first big step towards success.
The cover of the book “Shippai – Fall seven times, raise eight” by Masato Oono (Vallardi)
Positive failure and resilience
It is not surprising that this teaching comes from Japan. In Japanese philosophy, in fact, the concept of resilience has a fundamental value. Being resilient means do not be discouraged by adversity but rather benefit from it, turning them into an opportunity for growth. A concept so deeply rooted in Japan that it even has a counterpart in art. The Kintsugi, or the ancient Japanese art of repairing broken objects by welding cracks with gold dust, is often referred to as a symbol and emblem of resilience. According to this ancient and refined tradition, the cracks are in fact not hidden but rather enhanced, so that the object undergoing restoration is embellished by transforming itself into a work of art.
Likewise, drawing inspiration from this philosophy, each of us can learn to value our own weaknesses and to transform moments of failure into a precious opportunity to be reborn stronger than before. Of course, easier said than done, you will think. Why then are we unable to deal with bankruptcy?
With the help of Dr. Francesco Minelli, psychologist and psychotherapist we tried to figure it out.
Failure and guilt
«When a failure it is accompanied by feelings of guilt it is because often, at the base, someone has made us feel guilty for our mistakes. In technical terms we have internalized guilt – explains Dr. Minelli – Failure can generate a sense of guilt and avoidance of the most difficult situations, often accompanied by severe anxiety, precisely because we learned, from a very young age, that if we were wrong it was our fault and we would be punished, ignored or abandoned. To stop this guilt it is necessary to understand that we all make mistakes and that even if we feel guilty and experience this unpleasant sensation it does it doesn’t mean we really are“.
How do you overcome the pain of failure?
“Each of us has its own story so there is no one-size-fits-all solution. – the psychologist clarifies – From my experience, however, I can say that the suffering is all the greater the more we are ashamed or try to hide the failure itself. In reverse, the more you can speak and express what you feel, the less you experience it as a burden. Also, to overcome the pain of failure, one must untying failure from one’s own identity: for example, say ‘I have not passed this exam’ it is very different from saying ‘I am a total failure and I will do no good in life’. No experience, however painful, can truly define us as a failure, including a relationship that has gone wrong or the loss of a job. “
The craving for perfectionism
Making peace with failure and defeat means then learn to silence the craving for perfectionism and the need for control that often suffocates our lives.
Being constantly enslaved by an unattainable perfectionism leads to experience any mistake as an irreparable failure. Again it can be useful “Adjust the aim”: stop aiming for perfection and set yourself a goal for which to constantly improve, step by step. With this in mind, mistakes will stop being experienced as dramatic events and even criticism from others can be assessed serenely, perhaps even benefiting from it.
Positive failure: it is forbidden to compare yourself with others
Often what makes failure even more traumatic is precisely the continuous comparison with others. Constantly comparing oneself to those around us and above all to who seems to have made it where we have failedit only adds to the sense of frustration.
To improve ourselves instead, it can be useful to do a comparison with ourselves. As Oono explains in his book: “Don’t compare yourself to others, but compare yourself with who you were yesterday. Would you like to be a little better every day than the previous day? A little effort is all it takes. If we commit ourselves to surpass ourselves every day compared to the previous day, sooner or later we too will find our strong point. That day will be the beginning of a new life freed from comparison with others“.
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Fear of failure can become a trap
Without forgetting, finally, that knowing how to accept failure also means do not be conditioned by the fear of making mistakes. Often, even without realizing it, we end up limiting our actions and consequently our real chances of success, only because we are held back by the fear of being able to make mistakes. Thus risking to carry out a dangerous self-sabotage.
In the gallery above, then, with the help of the psychologist Francesco Minelli, we have collected some advice to put into practice the art of Shippai, that is to say of positive failure.
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