Platonic love: what it is, meaning and examples | iO Woman

In the Symposiumone of his most famous works, Plato tells the birth of Erosgod of love, describing him as a demon son of Poros (the expedient, the ingenuity) e Penìa (poverty). According to the philosopher’s vision, love, which does not have beauty but desires it, is therefore first of all a desire, a drive of the soul.

The first use of the expression platonic love in modern languages ​​is instead due to Marsilio Ficino. In fact, the philosopher used the term “amor platonicus”, back in the fifteenth century, to indicate, once again, a love directed to the intellectual aspects and moral and not to the physical component.

Platonic love in literature

Symbol of pure love par excellence, platonic love it then inspired different poets and artists over the years: starting from the great Dante Alighieri linked to his beloved Beatrice, who he sees and describes as a sort of ‘angelic woman’from a purely spiritual feeling.

But if throughout history, at least ideally, platonic love seems to have retained a certain charm, what comes naturally to ask is whether such love affairs can exist todaythat is to say based only on an affinity of mind but no physical contact.

Platonic love and white relationships

Today they can be considered examples of platonic love le white relationshipsi.e. those sexless relationships. A love relationship can therefore survive even if lived in a ‘asexual’ dimension?

“As a general principle the right amount of sex within a relationship is desired by both partners. – explains the psychologist and psychotherapist Carolina Traverso – We must in fact consider that not everyone has the same degree of sexual libido. There is a part of the population that has a very high libido, as well as a part that has a low libido. But not only that, it exists a percentagenot clearly identified but which seems to hover around 1% of the population, which can be described as asexual. So without sexual desires. Having no or very little sex drive doesn’t necessarily mean you have a problem. In the sense that it is only a problem if it is subjectively experienced as such».

Sex and relationships

Another aspect that is right to consider and on which we often tend to generalize is that the sex is not actually the only discriminate of a relationship destined to last.

“Sex is not necessarily the sign of a successful relationship. – emphasizes Carolina Traverso – The lack of sex can simply be due to the fact that both partners have very low libidos or they have no sex drive. Or it can be linked to changes in the level of libido perhaps due to stress, worries or particular conditions».

Therefore, the lack of sex it only becomes a problem when it is experienced as a problem by one of the two partners. And in that case it is important to know how to intervene: talking to each other, first of all, and perhaps trying to resolve the situation with the help of a couple psychotherapy.

Platonic love and emotional intimacy

«We also often tend to believe that intimacy is only sexual, when in reality it has many other nuances. – continues the psychotherapist – First of all, physical intimacy is not just sexual but it is also made up of cuddles, caresses and small attentions that a couple is able to give each other. We must not forget then that there is emotional intimacywhich is the greatest form of intimacy: the one that it allows you to appear vulnerable with the other person, to really tell them what you are feeling and feeling. Let’s also think about another situation: if in a couple that works one of the two gets sick, sex is no longer a priority but it certainly cannot be said that for this reason it is a couple that no longer works. Maybe it’s a couple that it works even better if it maintains and reinforces other forms of intimacy in difficulty”.

Platonic love and (only) virtual love

Thinking about platonic love today the thought inevitably goes even to virtual relationships. Indeed, it is not uncommon fall in love with someone you only met through a screen and exchanging messages via chat, within a dimension in which the physical component is totally absent.

And if in principle there is nothing wrong with getting to know each other and falling in love through a dating appthe matter changes if, over time, you want to leave the relationship in the “virtual”, without ever actually meeting. In this case, platonic love can hide much more…

When platonic love hides the fear of suffering

“If, in this type of relationship, one of the two wishes to meet in person and the other refuses, it is good to be on guard: in most cases it means that that person told many lies, there may also be some kind of manipulation. – underlines the psychotherapist – But without considering the extreme cases, not wanting to meet live hides Often the fear of living. The idea that only remaining behind a screen, with photographs and words, we can protect ourselves from the risk of suffering. However, this is not how you live: to fall in love you have to take risks. On the contrary, falling in love is a risk in itselfit is no coincidence that the British use the term ‘falling in love‘, which refers to the idea of fall. If you fall in love and bond with one person it obviously increases the chances of being hurt but one certainly cannot give up just out of fear. It would mean giving up on living and it would be depressing.’

Platonic love or one way love?

Finally, there are also those who find themselves in the condition of to live, in spite of himself, a platonic love. The classic example? He falls in love, unrequited, and then we are content to remain relegatedmaybe for years, in a ‘friend zone‘ even if in reality one would like more…

«This situation can have two opposite psychological explanations but which basically represent two sides of the same coin. – explains Carolina Traverso – On the one hand one can be very self-confident and then accept the friendzone thinking that sooner or later you will be able to conquer the other person. However, this is a partly manipulative attitude: it means that she is not with that person because she is really her friend but only because she has a secret plan to seduce her. At the opposite, find yourself relegated to a friendzone without being able to get a lifeit can also be the indicator of low self-esteem, a form of insecurity that leads to contentment. In order to keep the other close, thinking that there can be nothing better, one hangs on to one dimensionnot only necessarily platonic, but very frustrating and painful».

How does it come out?

“There psychotherapy it’s always helpful. – Carolina Traverso suggests – If you realize that you are making such a strong compromise, pretending not to be in love with a person who has clearly said that they do not correspond and at the same time you are unable to take a step back and accept the no , you have to do some work on yourself».

That of falling in love, unrequited, and not being able to detach from the other person it’s a classic situation when you’re young. But not only. “There emotional maturity does not necessarily correspond to chronological age. – concludes the psychotherapist – It can happen at any age. It is assumed that with age we are more experienced in life and therefore more capable of taking care of ourselves but this is not always the case. In general, the sign that a person is ‘resolved’ in love, is precisely that when we realize that the other person is not interested in us, he changes direction. For sort of personal protection but also of trust that you can meet someone else. This clearly goes hand in hand with feeling complete, with the knowledge that we know how to feel good about ourselves And we know how to take care of ourselves».

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