deaf pillar It has the quality of being noticed. Chilean psychologist, lecturer, author of 13 books, director of Fundación Cáncer Vida, she is a lucid, intense and joyful woman who knows how to reach people. She returns to Argentina after three years with her conference “How to be happy in difficult times”. Between May 16 and 21 it will be in Paraná, Rosario, Rafaela, Santa Fe, La Plata and the Opera Theater.
In her talk with NOTICIAS, a generous, positive, anxious, perfectionist and impatient woman is recognized, who trusts a lot in the human being, hardworking, somewhat obsessive, brave and a great believer.
A woman —mother of Cristian (31) and Nicole (28)— who loves to wash the dishes without gloves. “I love scrubbing,” she says. And she’s a neat freak. “The external order orders me internally, especially the one that has to do with the closet, the night table or the car. I look at them and diagnose myself, ”she adds.
A woman addicted to clothes and accessories. “I compensated a lot of affective things with the issue of clothing, but now much less. I like the aesthetic, the harmonious, that everything combines. But I give away a lot, I can’t stand very full closets. I made a lot of progress in letting go of those attachments or substitute needs. Now it no longer generates anxiety ”, she maintains.
A woman who learned to cook in the pandemic. “Even my salads burned, now I’m at a basic level, it turned out that I’m not that bad, I’m not going to die of hunger,” she confides.
News: What are your strengths?
Deaf: Generosity, faith related to spirituality, my ability to care for relationships, my persistence, and my tenacity.
News: And its most complicated aspects?
Deaf: My self-demand, it is difficult for me to say no or set limits, anxiety. Actually, I am in a process of internal remodeling.
News: What does it consist of?
Deaf: Thinking of myself first, giving myself spaces, learning to rest, taking care of myself, enjoying myself. I don’t want to do anything else from sacrifice and suffering. Yes, from the effort, because I have made an effort for everything in life.
News: How much did it cost you to be who you are?
Deaf: 57 years. My whole life has cost me. The years that I have are super well lived. Everything has happened to me and that has allowed me to make decisions that, sometimes, are not easy, but that have been pointing to each day being more at peace and more with myself.
News: Are you satisfied?
Deaf: Very. I feel very proud of myself.
News: What is this moment in your life like?
Deaf: For the last two years, more or less, after a health issue I had, I have been working on permanent awareness raising. I don’t know if it’s very harmonious, because it’s very difficult, but it’s challenging and I like the challenge. I am constantly working with myself to be the best person possible.
News: Do you do therapy?
Deaf: Yes, I did it permanently for a long time, but at this point I do it from time to time. With my therapist we set medium and long-term goals and update them.
News: What do you think of alternative therapies? From family constellations to biodecoding.
Deaf: I love them, I made them all. I have constellated, I have constellated with my daughter, I am a reiki teacher, and biodecoding is a wonderful and integrative look at the human being. Psychology is no longer enough to explain what happens to people. Psychologists are going to have to turn towards a transpersonal or spiritual psychology, because what happens to people today is the loss of the meaning of life. You have to accompany people to find their life purpose and psychology alone is not enough.
News: What is your life purpose?
Deaf: Help, accompany the other in what happens. Many years that purpose was opposed to the objective of being happy or helping myself. At this moment I am trying, as a good pound that I am, to strike a balance between what I give to the rest and what I give to myself.
News: Now he is in Argentina to give his conference “How to be happy in difficult times”. What is happiness for you?
Deaf: Happiness is the absence of noise. It’s peace, it’s taking a deep breath without a subject murmuring in your head or in your heart. To work for peace, understanding that internal peace is worked on and that it is a decision, I built twelve skills.
News: And how do you do to be happy in difficult times?
Deaf: It is done understanding that in the face of external chaos what we are left with is internal order and that this order is worked to the extent that one is awake, that one is aware of what one feels and, above all, of what one thinks, because one feel according to how you think. To the extent that I detect my thoughts and work on these skills that I mention, the way I look at my problem changes completely. I am happy to return to Argentina and to connect with the Argentine public, with whom we have pure mutual affection. Also, I go with a mental first aid kit. There are few conferences that I have given that have as many tools as this one.
News: In social networks, everyone shows themselves well, positive, they do not show pain or sadness. What consequences does this bring?
Deaf: Walking with denial. That toxic positivism has done us enormous damage. There is a kind of competition for not feeling. The less I show my emotions, the less I expose myself.
News: In fact, you say that you have to make friends with your emotions and that it is valid to show yourself hurt, sad and even tired.
Deaf: It is a basic right. If we don’t cry or laugh when we feel like it, we lose a huge amount of information about ourselves. It’s so crazy how we play such an anti-human game. Showing perfect worlds, perfect faces, full of filters, people who are always good, who are never tired, who break up and find a partner super fast. Why show such a false image of strength? If strength is vulnerability. I am much stronger the more vulnerable I am.
News: On the other hand, being positive is important to get ahead.
Deaf: Total, but precisely because I am positive I allow myself to cry, because I know that it is something transitory. The problem is when I say that it can always be done. That toxic positivism led us to a competition in which everything is possible and everything depends on me. And there are times when it’s not all up to me and sometimes it’s not possible, and that’s perfect.
News: What are the issues that concern you most emotionally today?
Deaf: Self-love, which is much more than self-esteem; duels, everything that has to do with losses; and the issue of purpose, why I am here, the meaning of my life.
News: You are a believer. How?
Deaf: I call God a superior force, a universal energy. I believe that everything makes sense and I am confident that, even if I am having a hard time, I will discover the meaning of that learning.
News: Who accompanies and supports her?
Deaf: My parents, my children and a huge tribe of friends, women and men who accompany us. Having a support network has been very important because, in addition, it is difficult for me to ask and with this group I have been learning.
News: Do you have a partner?
Deaf: I have been separated for eight years and have not become a couple again.
News: Nor toxic relationships, as he once told.
Deaf: I already had and did everything to rehabilitate myself. If I have a relationship now it will be very different. After my separation, I spent a long time not wanting to have a stable relationship, but now I think so.
News: What kind of mother has she been?
Deaf: A fucked-up mom, value-wise very strict. I tried to be as close as I could but I couldn’t, because she was the head of the household, I separated from her father when they were little. There were things I didn’t do that I would have loved to do with or for them. However, I think I did not do so badly. They are wonderful people, they live in Spain, and I am very proud of them. My children are my greatest creation.
News: Do you think about death?
Deaf: Yes. Death does not exist, one passes through, leaves the container, and the soul energy follows its own path of evolution. It makes me curious how I am going to cross the bridge, because I accompanied so many people to cross it. I trust that precisely for having done this for free and for the love of life these 25 years, something good will touch me too.
News: How would you like to be remembered?
Deaf: I want them to cry a lot on the day of my death, for my absence to be noticed. After they remember me with joy, that I always tried to be, that I did the best I could, as a noble and happy woman, that they remember all the stupid things I did, which are many.
News: You say that dream plus will equals achievement. It is always so?
Deaf: Always, the will is persistence, planning, discipline, the short objective to reach or reach the goal.
