TAll parents of young children know her for her more or less strictly pediatric advice. From weaning (about which you have written two best sellers Weaning is yours!2021, e The family gets together at the table, 2022) to sleep, passing through spots, boils, tonsils, colds, bacteria and viruses of all kinds and types. But the experience, as a mother and as an outpatient pediatrician, of Carla Tomasini, alias Pediatrician Carla on Instagram, allowed her to go one step further. And to write a book that has the breadth of a collection of short stories. The true stories of particularly special mothers and fathers. She’s titled Parenting along the way, The art of raising our children without an instruction manual and it is a guide, without methods, to a serene and conscious parenting.
A book that comes from a conviction acquired day after day: it’s not just the children who need care, but also the parents. First, those of the Sandwich generation, as she defines it in a post: «That of those who have to take care of still young children to be independent and at the same time parents who are now dependent. The one I belong to: care as a way of life».
«The sandwich generation: why grandmothers don’t look like Michelle Hunziker»
“We have children later and later. Thus all the next generations of parents will be sandwich generations», notes Tomasini. “Already now grandmothers don’t look like Michelle Hunziker. They are on average 70 years old, have some pathologies and need more treatment than the ability to give it». There is no solution, no escape. Just a chance to change perspective and distance yourself from what, immersed in everyday life, can be felt as a drama, while maybe it’s just a cold, or a chronic but manageable disorder.
«Caring for parents and children at the same time is one transitional phase. And not only because, unfortunately, we are not infinite, but also because childhood is not infinite: in a flash our children will be teenagers and young adults».
Pediatrician Carla, her advice to parents (and not only)
Even as long as childhood is ongoing, Pediatrician Carla’s advice can make a difference. And not just the more practical ones. Here are 7 of them, one more precious than the other. And not all of them are directed at parents.
1. Anxious parents? How to “heal”
The first piece of advice is for parents who are always “worried”. “Don’t worry anymore, rather take care of. An illness but also a learning disability or a relationship difficulty must be faced, of course. But they must not become the focus of our life and relationship with our child. It often happens, and it is the fault of the performance society in which we are immersed”: our children must also be handsome, and what hinders them is experienced as a defect. “It is not so: simply, the real child is different from the imaginary one and this confuses us. At that time? Let go. And focus on the positives.”
2. Seasonal evils: spring allergies
Speaking of disorders to deal with with serenity, allergies. Asthmatics are on the riseassures the pediatrician, but those diagnosed are «the tip of the iceberg because very many drag the symptoms, from conjunctivitis to breathing difficulties, without inquiring». When a visit to a pediatric allergist or pulmonologist would be enough.
As a mother of an asthmatic child, Pediatrician Carla also reassures about prophylactic drug therapies. That is, those that are administered to vulnerable subjects, with chronic pathologies, as prevention, to prevent a “crisis” from occurring. “If followed rigorously, these therapies can dramatically improve a child’s quality of life, with huge benefits and costs, in terms of side effects, irrelevant».
3. Sight: yes to eye examinations
By 2050, she warns, 50% of the world’s population will be short-sighted. And since this increasing myopia will be severe (by many diopters), we will also face more frequent and important vision pathologies (such as retinal detachment).
Don’t panic. The first rule is to make one orthoptic and orthorectic visit at an early age (3 years). The second, to prevent or slow myopia, is to spend a lot time outside: fixation from afar can in fact reduce its progression.
4. No to the tablet (and how to deceive expectations)
The third, and most important rule to protect eyesight and beyond, given today’s customs, is «no tablet, cell phone, screens: continued close-up vision, with little blinking, leads to myopia in children”. If the devices are categorically forbidden to the very young, even the older ones should avoid their use, especially for prolonged periods.
“But even taking out the tablet once during a restaurant lunch is a mistake,” he continues. “Next time your kids will ask for it and the one after that.” The problem is how to entertain children while waiting? “That’s a good excuse. All you need is paper and markers, and at worst you can ask for them even in the place where you dine: there is always a solution».
5. Asylum: is it necessary?
Kindergarten is a very important place for socializing. The choice not to send it, or to collect it, “must be weighed and decided by the family on the advice of the pediatrician”. It is especially considered if the Viral and bacterial infections can impair growth and the development of an already weak child. Or if there are immunosuppressed or seriously frail people in the family. «But the decision also depends on the social network and economic availability of the family”. Is there a plan B? Can someone take care of the child or will the burden rest on the shoulders of a parent – typically the mother, but not necessarily – who will be forced to leave the job?
6. About babysitters
While families struggle to reconcile work with childcare, especially on the occasion of (frequent, in the pre-school period) illnesses, there is a generation of young people who do not work. Pediatrician Carla’s proposal? «May the State train these young people with teaching and first aid courses so that they can support parents who are struggling to reconcile everything. Tomorrow they will be better parents themselves».
7. Obstetric violence and traumatic birth: traumas to be reworked
The birth of a healthy child is not the only goal of a birth: «Both the child and the mother must be protected: they are a dyad that must be protected» says Pediatrician Carla. But this is not always the case: «I myself have had a traumatic birth and I immediately obstetric violence: there was, that is, a medical error. But I have chosen not to report: I am convinced that to improve the situation we must start from the bottom, changing the culture and not pointing the finger at a specialist».
To offer support to women who have had a difficult birthin her polyclinic Carla Tomasini has opened a Traumatic Childbirth Listening Desk, with a midwife and a psychotherapist available. “The truth is that trauma can be reworked. If this happens, the wound, that is, our weakness, becomes one scar. And a scar is tougher than the skin, it can give us great strength: a powerful woman can be born on that scar”.
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