Paula’s Pop Week: Three hazelnuts for love actually

I would also like to do a year in review, but God, there was just too much going on. You can’t keep up with the annual reviews anyway and you don’t even know anymore: Is it another annual review or the normal news? Besides, 2023 isn’t even over yet, I might add more in January.

But it’s almost Christmas – and at Christmas you tell the truth – so I wanted to do something about two of the biggest and most problematic Christmas habits: people watching:

1. “Three hazelnuts for Cinderella”

and

2. “Love Actually” or “Love Actually”

And who watches these two problematic Christmas films most often? I! Because I am the biggest Christmas parasite on earth. I don’t even remember when it was that I stopped celebrating Christmas. So specifically, planning something on the 24th, 25th, 26th, going somewhere, lighting something on fire or giving something to someone. But since I stopped celebrating Christmas, I love Christmas, i.e. the folklore of it. It’s so beautifully ape-like, the decorations, the smells, the customs, the food, the characters (and people tell me they don’t understand Carnival, haha).

So you can surf this completely bizarre wave for a month without having to pay the bill afterwards in the form of money for gifts or nerves because of all the pressure and arguments. Anyway, that’s how I do it. And since Christmas is so easy for me, I can also particularly enjoy his music and films, yes, I’m actually an expert. And what kind of great occasions are these that I was born with, haha?

“Three Hazelnuts for Cinderella” (hereinafter 3H) and “Love Actually” (LA) are both celebrating big anniversaries this year: 3H turns 50, LA turns 20! So we’re going to take another look at the best from West and East, from the 20th and 21st centuries, from old and new material, from nature and the city and ask ourselves: Which should be canceled first? You won’t be any wiser in a moment.

THE STORIES

La Lala Lala Lalaa Lala Lala Lala Lalaa. No, this isn’t the Gilmore Girls, it’s our Cinderella riding through the snowy forest. Like a boy! So she does gymnastics and rides and wants adventure and life. She also gets to know a few guys there, the prince with his entourage, and messes with them because she can do things just as well as boys. Her evil stepmother (her father is dead) makes her a maid and bullies her and gives her tasks that she cannot handle. But the animals and other people who are close to her are happy to help her on the farm where they all live and work. Plus the magic of hazelnuts! At some point the king and queen invited the prince (he has no name) to the bride show and our Cinderella sneaks in. Of course HE doesn’t want the older and fatter women, just the very young Cinderella and that’s how it happens. She will be married like a girl. Otherwise not much happens, because basically 3H is more about vibes: magic, nuts, girls, forest, naughtiness, love.

Women are handed over like goods, yes, that’s also part of the plot of the other film, LA. But there’s a lot going on in this film, which of course contributes to why people watch it so often. There are several people, several strands, all of them have something more or less to do with each other. The characters have jobs that they do like Barbie dolls would do: writer, politician, singer, art, office, wife. These people are about the different facets of love: crushes, loving after many years, cheating, family, loss of love, platonic love, sex, forbidden love, difficult love, easy love. The setting is London in the early noughties, city stress and all.

Ultimately, both films are about people marrying each other, even if they’ve barely spoken to each other. Because that is the real Christmas story.

THE MUSIC

Lalalala, as I said. 3H’s music is unbeatably beautiful. The best thing is that almost every scene was accompanied by it. There is now also a techno version of the ball scene melody and even though I was anti at first, it is also cool:

But what’s really great is this recording of the entire score from the Czech National Symphony Orchestra:

Music also plays a big role in LA, and it’s as noughts as it could be: Sugababes, Norah Jones, Kelly Clarkson, Dido, Maroon 5. Plus classics from the Beatles, Otis Redding, the Pointer Sisters and Joni Mitchell. The most iconic scenes in the film also have to do with music, first of course Hugh Grant dancing around the house as the Prime Minister to “Jump”, then Billy Nighy as the aging pop star Billy Mack, who covers “Love Is All Around” for a few more bucks and of course the best scene in the film with the best actress and the best song. Emma Thompson listens to Joni Mitchell’s “Both Sides Now” in the bedroom after learning her husband is a pig.

THE HUMOR

3H is a cheeky film. Cinderella and the other exploited people on the farm are funny, cynical, but of course also the most loyal. The wealthy are caricatures, silly, clumsy. But the royal family is totally graceful and funny (“Don’t make a face like you’re chewing sauerkraut!”), it’s a shame, the mockery could have gone even further here.

LA is undoubtedly a few steps ahead, as it is also a comedy. Hugh Grant is funny and has good lines, Billy Nighy has good lines, Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson too, all the roles are self-ironic, even Mr. Bean plays along. What’s most annoying is this typical beginning-of-the-noughties woman-laying story about the guy who flies to America, but at the same time you could generously read it as a parody of that very film of that time.

THE STYLE

Bold hats, tight stockings, colorful dresses pimped up for winter with scarves and furs in forest and castle scenarios naturally have more swag than jeans and jackets in the gray city. This isn’t a competition, but the point definitely goes to 3H.

HOW PROBLEMATIC

A lot of texts have been written about the problematic aspects of LA over the past 20 years, and even when the film came out (not that it “aged badly”). Most of the female love interests are passive and far too young (most actresses are at least 15 years younger than the actors) for all the straight guys in the film. And they are also subordinate to them in other ways, for example they are their domestic servants, assistants and secretaries. Then of course there’s the misogynistic trope of the femme fatale (Heike Makatsch), who essentially forces her vagina on her boss and then he can’t help but betray his amazing wife. So you can only desire young women, and of course only thin ones!

The fat shaming in this film is so disgusting and so common, I can’t and won’t even break it down here. In the scenes that were cut out you can also see that we were deprived of a very nice lesbian story. And why can’t Sarah and Karl be together again? Oh, because she takes care of her brother? All women who somehow have a life are not lovable, but are just women 20 years younger than you? Argh!

Speaking of which: Keira Knightley was only 17 when she played the love interest of Andrew Lincoln’s (then early 30s) character Mark. I find that much creepier than the story itself, which is the subject of the most criticism. He’s in love with his best friend’s wife and I confess, I don’t think the story is that bad. Just cancel me, but I always felt for him and still do after the 100th re-watch. The way he stands there with his sad, love-struck eyes and then makes this declaration of love (I actually think the sign thing is respectful, distant, but still sweet and desperate)… And the part where he wanders around disorientated to Dido’s song? Wow. Anyone who has ever had a one-sided love can relate? Sure, obsession isn’t nice and above all it’s super wrong that he was always so weird to her before, but something like that happens? Unfortunately! Fortunately, he then realizes that it is too much and says: “Enough”. Well, sorry!

Regarding the problematic things from 3H: So monarchy, patriarchy, marriage anyway… Here too, for example, it is clear that you can’t love fat people, that’s also good for a few jokes. A lot of meat is also eaten.

HOW PROGRESSIVE

In 3H there is the class issue. Employees are treated badly, rich people are ridiculous, lazy and mean. Animals are also dear friends, hunting just for fun is uncool. Gender is being questioned! Can’t a girl be like a boy too? Clear!

In LA it’s cool to talk about feelings, even between fathers and sons, mental health is an issue, there’s room for mourning, there aren’t just happy endings, solidarity is upheld, Americans are stupid.

CONCLUSION

I’m totally biased. But as far as both films are concerned. I’ve been to Moritzburg many times, where 3H was partly filmed. Nice there. At a school camp there I once sunk all my pocket money into a toy grab machine. So there are not only good memories. 3H was shown on MDR 86 times every year. Then there was ARD, ZDF and the third parties. Since we didn’t have private television, it was almost exclusively on for two weeks. For East Germans, 3H is not just a cult, but DNA. So in a way I was happy when I finally had something like LA, Americanized, so to speak. Even though the film is of course from England, but it was the same back then.

I can relate to Richard Curtis’ (who is not only responsible for LA, but also “Notting Hill” and “Four Weddings and a Funeral”) love extremism because I fundamentally share his ideology. So love is everywhere. But I have problems with his actual politics there. But be that as it may, I’ll put it this way: Everything that has to do with Christmas is completely bananas. These two films are certainly no more stupid than all the other strange stuff you do and say and believe in for three days. So, lalalaaalalaaa can be all around again this year.

What happened until now? Here is an overview of all the pop column texts.