TOeven to tell it, putting all the pieces back in line, continue to seem incredible experiences. Yet there are thousands of cases in which social workers and courts they have given a mandate to take their children away from their mothers to then place the children, often by force, in family homes or with those same mistreating and abusive fathers from whom they had escaped.
Parental alienation, what it is
The script repeats itself especially after that a woman reported her partner for violence and asked for separation: sometimes he rebels against the decision and as punishment he blames her for being a bad mother, “not suitable” to be a parent. So the women, instead of being believed and protected, lose their children. And they become victims twice: of domestic and institutional violence.
“When children refuse to meet or associate with their fathers, no one asks the little ones what is the cause of their rejection, their fear, their discomfort. Judges and experts simply do not consider that the reason lies in the fact that the man is the perpetrator of domestic violence to which his children have often witnessed, or of which they have been victims “says Laura Massaro. She herself was considered an “alienating mother” by the Juvenile Court of Rome: after she separated nine years ago, the judges had removed her parental responsibility and they had decided to move his son to a foster home, so that the little one could recover the relationship with his father.
In all these cases, for mothers there is a single, common, accusation: parental alienationor Pas (from the English Parental Alienation Syndrome), in fact a parent who plagiarizes the child by putting him against the other.
Parental alienation, an injustice done to mothers
Mothers or “incapable” psychologists?
A theory codified in 1985 by the American psychiatrist Richard Gardner and rejected all over the world; never recognized as a syndrome by international manuals but very widespread in the courtrooms in Italy and in proceedings concerning the custody of minor children. And especially, widely used by forensic psychology in CTUs (Office technical advice), i.e. the reports on which judges rely to assess a parent’s ability to care for offspring. A judgment often without appeal.
For the Cassation, the Pas does not exist
Massaro has fought for years, has called hunger strikes, sit-ins. All this time she lived with the fear that the child would be taken away: after all, plainclothes agents and social workers had already tried three times, without success. Until last March 24, the good news finally arrived: the Supreme Court annulled the decision of the Juvenile Court to remove her parental responsibility and to send the boy to a community. Not only that: the Supreme Court has definitively reiterated that the concept of “parental alienation”also suggested through other synonyms (such as malevolent, hindering, symbiotic mother), will have to be banned, forever, by the Italian courts.
Forever ban parental alienation from the courts
A historic decision: it does not compensate for an injustice, but at least it ends it. To tell the truth it is not the first time: already in May 2021, with the Ordinance n. 13217/21, the Court of Cassation had recognized the unfoundedness of the Pas, but the latter order added a fundamental point: from now on in custody cases, children must be heard by the judges, not by the experts. This has never happened in the Massaro case.
Children, the first victims
The silent protagonists of these events are the boys and girls, often already witnesses of abuse and mistreatment, on whose skin pain is added. They watch helplessly as their desperate mothers are torn, by force and violence, from home or school.
Often lawyers, prosecutors, judges, technical consultants, auxiliaries, psychologists and social workers do not know how to recognize domestic violence, because they are blinded by centuries-old cultural stereotypes
A widespread approach
In 2018, when he began his protests in front of the court, Massaro did not imagine there were so many mothers forced to live this drama. Instead, little by little other women also wrote to her, bringing out a flood of similar experiences. Together they founded Madri unite against institutional violence (a Facebook page and a site ) to make people understand how widespread and pervasive this practice is, which unjustly takes children away from mothers.
Their support, “and above all that of Elisa Ercoli, president of the association Difference Woman, they represented a very important support. When there is an institutional army that is rowing against you, it is easy to feel wrong, to be discouraged, to flounder, to shrink ». Albeit with deep fatigue and immense pain, Massaro resisted. Thanks also to his tenacitysimilar cases should no longer occur after this ordinance.
Parental alienation: the wound remains open
The scandal of children taken from their mothers is a living reality, an open wound for thousands of women and children, a very heavy shame that weighs on our judicial and social system. More than 1,400 files have been investigated by the Parliamentary Commission of Inquiry into Femicide, to identify the extent of the phenomenon of secondary victimization to the detriment of women and minors who are victims of violence. Stories of other mothers accused of parental alienation are also told in Invisible crimes, the video investigation by Luisa Betti Dakli, director of the web journal DonnexDiritti Network (the episodes are available on the blog La 27esimaora of Corriere della Sera).
Stereotypes and unpreparedness
How can all this happen? Laura Massaro points out multiple reasons. “Most important: women continue to be disbelieved. Our words are not taken into consideration, our suffering is minimized. The prejudices about the father are of the opposite sign to those about the mother, that is, they are essentially positive a priori, regardless of the facts and circumstances “.
He adds: «Although it is within the home that the highest number of violence is concentrated, and although both within the family and relationships based on prevarication and oppression have the most serious and devastating effects, we continue to ignore the gravity and extent of the violence witnessed and its consequences, considering it an expression of consolidated “social mores” ».
Lack of training
Violence is not recognized not even when the mother reports child abuse by the father: often the proceedings are filed, with the motivation that the minor is unreliable and the mother alienating. In addition to cultural issues, linked to the arrogance with which patriarchy has imposed itself over the millennia, the lack of reading of the violence is attributable to the lack of specific training of the professionals involved.
“Often lawyers, prosecutors, judges, technical consultants, auxiliaries, psychologists and social workers do not know how to recognize domestic violence, because they are blinded by age-old cultural stereotypes or because they do not have the necessary preparation” he observes Paola Di Nicola Travaglini, the judge who for decades has been carrying out a valuable work of raising awareness within the judiciary (his essay My word against his, HarperCollins).
“Not knowing how to recognize violence, they do not even ascertain the reasons why a son opposes his father’s attendance.” Absurd. Unfortunately, however, real.
Two parents? It is not always good
Another reason why these muggings can be carried out with impunity is this: still today the social services and the courts prefer to safeguard “the parent-child bond”believing that a violent man, an actor of abuse and crime, can still be a good father.
“In 88.9 percent of cases at the ordinary court (and in 51.9 percent of cases at the juvenile court) shared custody between parents even in the presence of complaintsreports, precautionary measures issued in criminal proceedings, indictment decrees, convictions and reports of the anti-violence centers “observe the lawyers Titti Carrano and Elena Biaggioni of DiRe, Women on the Net against violence.
Impressive figures. Another problem, highlighted by a rich research published by DiRe, last July, entitled The (non) recognition of domestic violence in civil courts for minors lies precisely in the CTU. «In 83 percent of cases, the questions women are asked to answer are standardized. In 94 percent, no questions were even asked about the violence they suffered and / or witnessed“.
Again, the violence goes undetected. Finally, do not underestimate one last aspect, the economic one: the Ctu and the Ctp (biased technical advice, often necessary precisely to defend against Ctu) they move a huge flow of money: in 75 percent of cases, these reports cost up to five thousand euros. Those who have no money cannot defend themselves. This too is violence.
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